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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099334">A Second Chance At Keeping Him Safe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyWithTheGoodHair86/pseuds/BuckyWithTheGoodHair86'>BuckyWithTheGoodHair86</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action &amp; Romance, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Peggy Carter, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Howling Commandos - Freeform, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Peggy Carter Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Recovery, Second Chances, Starting Over, Steggy - Freeform, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, True Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:28:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>69,126</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyWithTheGoodHair86/pseuds/BuckyWithTheGoodHair86</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy always wished there was more she could have done to save Steve. Then Howard finds the Valkyrie, and somehow, miraculously, Steve is still alive in the wreckage. But when Steve wakes up, they realize that not all of him survived the crash. He doesn't remember anything. At all. But Peggy wanted another chance to keep him safe and now she's got it. And she's not going to fail this time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>208</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was originally going to be a chapter in My Heart Don't Wish To Roam, but it didn't fit quite right, so it became its own multi-chapter story instead. Our story opens about four months after the Valkyrie went down. The war is over and Peggy is in New York, working with the SSR to clean up the remains of Hydra and try to figure out what comes next.</p>
<p>(The 'Teen' rating is for descriptions of medical procedures/situations throughout the story that are detailed but not graphic.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Peggy awoke with a start to an insistent pounding on her door. Grumbling, she crawled out of bed and made her way to the door. The Private standing in the hallway flinched back from her scowl.</p>
<p>"Telephone for you, Agent Carter," he whispered, then scurried away down the hall before she could shout at him.</p>
<p>Peggy sighed and made her way to the phone box in the lobby. The Private who had summoned her was sitting behind the front desk, trying very hard to pretend he was invisible.</p>
<p>"What is it, Howard?" she snapped into the receiver. Only Howard and the Colonel had the number of the boarding house where she and several other agents were billeted, and if Phillips had a message for her, it would have been classified and would not have come on the phone. "It's three in the morning and this is the first day off I've had in a month," she informed him. The war may have ended, but there was still a lot of cleanup to be done. Work to be done in the S.S.R. had not lessened in the slightest, and in many cases had even ramped up. "If this is not incredibly important, I shall strangle you with your own necktie."</p>
<p>"Peg, you're never gonna believe this," Howard said, ignoring her threat. "We found him!"</p>
<p>"What? Found who?" Peggy asked. Several Hydra agents had squirreled off into hiding, and the S.S.R. had been religiously hunting them down. She wasn't quite awake enough to remember which of those cases Howard had been involved in.</p>
<p>"Who?" Howard repeated incredulously. "Who?! Who do you think I would risk life and limb to tell you about at this time of day?"</p>
<p>"You are <em>this</em> close to being murdered no matter who you've found," Peggy growled.</p>
<p>"<em>Steve</em>," Howard said. "We found the Valkyrie, Peg. We found him."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Earth-shattering as Howard's news was, the next few days passed as normal for Peggy. The Valkyrie had been found, but no one knew quite what that meant just yet—Howard had jetted up to a frozen patch of wasteland on the eastern Canadian coast almost as soon as he'd ended his call with Peggy so he could oversee the excavation. Peggy had desperately wanted to join him, but all the same…They didn't know what state things would be in when he dug down through the snow, and Peggy didn't know if she was entirely ready for the sight of Steve's body frozen in his final, no doubt painful, moments. Perhaps it was cowardly, but there it was, and it turned out to be a moot point anyway. Phillips shot down the suggestion she join Howard, arguing that things would be mad enough when he got back with the Valkyrie and Steve's remains in tow. He wanted her here to get as much in order beforehand as she could. So she stayed, trying to take the time to mentally prepare herself for the thought of laying Steve to rest, and then busying herself in her work to avoid actually doing so.</p>
<p>"Sir, I've got that file you were—is everything alright, Colonel?" Peggy asked, walking into Phillips' office. He was setting his phone gently back into its cradle, staring at it as if he'd seen a ghost.</p>
<p>He stared at her for a long moment when he looked up. "Rogers is alive," he said quietly.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry; what?" Peggy said. She must not have heard him correctly.</p>
<p>"That was Stark," he said, nodding at the phone. "They made it down into the cockpit this morning, and they found Rogers and…he was breathing."</p>
<p>"What?" Peggy said again, incapable of saying anything else. Something in her eyes seemed to snap the Colonel out of his reverie, and he was on his feet and sliding a chair behind her as her knees gave out. "But…what? H—how?"</p>
<p>"I have no idea," Phillips said. "Stark doesn't either, though he has a theory about the serum."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded numbly.</p>
<p>"He's not conscious," Phillips went on. "But after they confirmed he was alive and could survive the trip, they put him on Stark's plane and headed for a medical facility. They'll be here in New York in two hours."</p>
<p>Two hours? Steve was…Bloody Nora, Steve was <em>alive</em> and he was going to be here in two hours! "Right," Peggy said, rather calmly, she thought. "What's our plan?"</p>
<p>"I'm putting you on it," Phillips said. "You were there for the whole procedure—you know details no one else will have. Something like this, we'll need medicos the S.S.R. doesn't have. Stark's already contacted who needs to be there, so you need to get over there, get the non-disclosures set up, and keep a lid on this. After they arrive, you make sure Stark keeps his mouth shut too. Then we'll see where it goes from there."</p>
<p>"Yes, Sir," Peggy said.</p>
<p>Before heading to the hospital, Peggy took a moment to herself in the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror for several seconds, then promptly burst into tears. She was so relieved and so frightened and so…she didn't even know. There was just too much, and so she let it all out here where there was no one to judge her for having something so feminine as emotions. Then she washed her face, fixed her hair, then reapplied her makeup with the air of stepping into a suit of armor and went to the hospital.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She arrived in plenty of time to brief the doctors and nurses, give them time to absorb the awe of being about to treat Captain America <em>and</em> work with Howard Stark, and let them read over the relevant parts of Dr. Erskine's notes on super-soldier anatomy while she set up S.S.R. agents at every entry to the floor to prevent unauthorized visitors. Howard somehow managed to arrive with great fanfare, as he always did, even though the only people on the plane were himself, his butler, and Steve.</p>
<p>She only got the briefest glimpse of Steve as they wheeled him to surgery—he was still in his uniform, and there was a great deal of blood, though it appeared to be dry. Howard's butler, Mr. Jarvis, (whose praises she had heard Howard sing but had never met herself) remained behind as Howard accompanied the doctors to the OR. He explained that they had not attempted to remove Steve's uniform as the pressure it was putting on his body was holding several internal injuries in place—and as he began to thaw out, the danger of those injuries bleeding out had increased.</p>
<p>"So, he was actually frozen?" Peggy clarified.</p>
<p>"He was," Mr. Jarvis said. "Nearly entirely encased in ice when we found him."</p>
<p>Peggy shuddered. To think of Steve lying there, being slowly overtaken by the ice…She hoped he'd been unconscious for it. Him lying there too cold or injured to move but awake enough to realize what was happening would have been a nightmare. "How did that not kill him?" she wondered. She was relieved beyond words that it hadn't, but she just didn't understand.</p>
<p>"Mr. Stark believes it had something to do with the serum," Mr. Jarvis said. "That though the cold was shutting his body down, the healing power of the serum maintained it enough that instead of dying, he entered a state of hibernation. Actually," he went on. "He believes that probably saved his life."</p>
<p>"Was he very badly injured, then?" Peggy asked, not as steadily as she would have liked.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis nodded gravely. "We're still not sure of the full extent of it. But Mr. Stark believes that the act of being frozen put a sort of pause on everything—alone, he would not have been able to heal from all of that even with the serum, but frozen, he could simply wait until help arrived."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, the academic part of her mind fascinated, but she couldn't entirely choke down a sob at the thought of what that must have really been like.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Miss Carter," Mr. Jarvis said. "That was too much—I shouldn't have said all of that."</p>
<p>"No," Peggy said, waving a hand. "No, I would…I would rather know. I just…" For four months, she'd been wishing she could see him again. That they'd had more time. And now he was here, but he had spent all that time out there alone and hurt and cold, and… She sniffed. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid it's all just a bit overwhelming."</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis smiled kindly. "I understand, Miss Carter. Allow me to get you a cup of tea." He did so, and they spent the next several hours waiting. Peggy sent one of the Corporals along to Phillips with any updates she received, and the Colonel came by at the end of the day to check in for himself.</p>
<p>"Since I've last updated you, Sir," Peggy said. "They've managed to repair his collapsed lung. His prognosis has gotten better than it was an hour ago." Steve's litany of injuries had been extensive, but the broken bones were beginning to set, damaged internal organs were being set right, and they were hopeful he was going to pull through. The only piece of the puzzle they were uncertain of was his head injuries. Part of his skull had been caved in on one side of his head, and the neurologist had been amazed that he was even alive to begin with. They could fix the bones easily enough, and the best brain surgeon in America was working on him right now, but the true extent of the damage could only be determined when, or if, he woke up.</p>
<p>Phillips nodded. "That's good to know," he said, and he sounded like he meant it. Peggy knew that underneath all that bluster, he really had been fond of Steve. He nodded in the direction of the door. "Why don't you head on home, Carter?" he said. "You've been here ten hours already. I'll stay here—you go get some sleep and come back in the morning."</p>
<p>"With all due respect, Sir, I'd rather stay here," Peggy said.</p>
<p>Phillips nodded, went to talk with one of the doctors, then said he'd be back in the morning. Peggy did manage to get several scattered snatches of sleep in the waiting area—the Howling Commandos had always teased her about her ability to fall asleep anywhere, but she knew they'd all been jealous. Nearly two years in the field, and Monty had never gotten used to sleeping on the ground. Speaking of the boys, she'd better call them and let them know—no, best wait until they had something concrete to report.</p>
<p>The next day dawned, and it wasn't until the evening that they moved Steve out of the OR and into a room. A nurse met her at the door and detailed everything that had happened, which Peggy listened to impatiently and catalogued for further attention later. Then she was let in and finally allowed to see him.</p>
<p>He looked dreadful, but not nearly as bad as one would imagine someone who had crashed a plane into an ice shelf should. Both legs were in casts, as was his right arm, and a large swathe of bandages covered the left side of his head. What Peggy could see of his hair was shaved away, and though she knew it had been for surgical reasons, it made him look sicker, somehow. The left half of his face was bruised and swollen, and most of his face was obscured by the ventilator mask that was helping him breathe. There were tubes and wires sticking out of his chest and stomach, snaking out from underneath his blanket. A dark line of stitches ran from under the blanket almost all the way up to his neck. His poor left arm—the only limb that was unbroken—was so full of IV needles that it was starting to bruise.</p>
<p>"Oh, Steve," she whispered, dropping into the chair beside him. She reached up a hand then pulled it back, not sure where she could touch him.</p>
<p>"Looks like hell, doesn't he?" Howard said conversationally from the doorway. "Though he looks a lot better than he did thirty-seven hours ago."</p>
<p>"That doesn't really help," Peggy pointed out.</p>
<p>"No, I guess not," Howard sighed.</p>
<p>"You should get some rest," Peggy said. She knew Howard had been in there with them working on Steve, and she doubted he'd slept much at all prior to that since the discovery of the downed airship. The bags under his eyes were as dark as the bruises on Steve's face.</p>
<p>Howard nodded. "I'm about to." He hooked a thumb to the right. "Since we got no patients on this floor, I'm gonna catch some z's in the room next door. Be nearby if anyone needs me that way."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded.</p>
<p>"He's gonna pull through, Peg," Howard continued. "Give the serum a little time…" He waved a hand at Steve. "He oughta stitch himself back together just fine."</p>
<p>"When do you think he'll wake up?" Peggy asked. The doctors had had no idea, but Howard was more familiar with the way the serum healed Steve.</p>
<p>Howard frowned. "I don't know. I don't…I'm not entirely sure that he will."</p>
<p>"You just said—"</p>
<p>"I know. I shoulda said it better, but I'm exhausted, alright?" He sighed. "His body's gonna be just fine. The head injury…" He shrugged. "It's uncharted territory. Damage like that woulda killed anybody else, so the brain docs can only guess. We might get a full recovery, or we might get a perfectly healthy body in a coma, or anything in between."</p>
<p>Peggy swallowed hard and nodded. It was grim news, and though it hurt to hear, it was better to know now.</p>
<p>"But if anybody can pull though this, it's him," Howard went on. "Kid's surprised us before, Peg," he said, and his smile was small and tired, but genuine. "And he's stubborn as a brick wall. He might well just wake up to prove the doc wrong who said he wouldn't."</p>
<p>Peggy did smile at that.</p>
<p>"Let's give him some time, see what happens," Howard finished. "In the meantime, you should get some sleep too."</p>
<p>"I will," Peggy told him, though she wasn't sure how much.</p>
<p>He nodded and moved towards the door, then stopped. "I, uh, I found this," he said, reaching down into his pocket. He stepped forward and held his hand out, and Peggy's breath caught in her throat at the sight of the little battered metal disc. Steve's compass.</p>
<p>"It was in his hand," Howard went on. "Way he was lying there, it…I think he was looking at it when…" He ran out of words and sighed, gesturing with the compass for her to take it.</p>
<p>Peggy reached out automatically and took it. The cover was scratched and dented, and it had to be her imagination, but even after hours in Howard's pocket, it felt cold in her fingers.</p>
<p>"Thought you should have it," Howard said softly. He smiled at her sadly and left her alone.</p>
<p>It was quiet in the room, save for the sound of her own breathing and the gentle whirring of Steve's ventilator. She stared at the compass in her hands for several long moments before taking a deep breath and sliding her thumb under the latch. It stuck a bit before coming open with a reluctant snap. The hinge creaked as she pulled it open, and then there was her own face staring back at her. The edges of the photo were a little warped and discolored, but it was otherwise intact. The compass being closed must have kept most of the moisture out. Howard said it had been in Steve's hand, and she was suddenly struck by the image of his fingers folding around it and pushing the lid closed, weighted down by the cold slowly seeping into his body, and she closed her eyes and choked down another sob.</p>
<p>"Oh, Steve," she whispered. What must he have felt, lying there and staring at her face as the ice pulled him under? Had he been frightened? Had it given him comfort, looking at her and thinking about the dance she had promised him, or had it been one more pain for him to bear, her face reminding him of all the chances they would never have? She closed her eyes tightly, willing away the tears brimming in them. Determined not to start crying again, she snapped the compass shut and slid it into her pocket, though she patted it gently before bringing her hand up to dash her sleeve across her face. They would have their chances. They would. She would keep his compass safe for him until he woke up, and then they would have their dance. And everything else.</p>
<p>For several minutes, Peggy just watched Steve sleep, not allowing herself to think of the pain he'd suffered or how close she'd come to losing him, but only about the fact that he was here and he was alive. After a moment, she reached up and threaded her fingers carefully through the ones on Steve's left hand. His skin was cool and soft—it had occurred to Peggy once to wonder about that, considering all the rough work he did, but he'd smiled in that soft, self-deprecating way he had and explained that he didn't get callouses anymore because the serum kept healing his skin. She remembered teasing him, saying that while that might be a drawback in activities like digging trenches or climbing ropes, it would have certain advantages in other, less military activities. She'd accompanied the statement with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow, and he'd gone an adorable shade of red.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled softly at the memory and rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand carefully, mindful of his IV. "You're terribly late," she told him. "I would have thought you'd have better manners than to keep a lady waiting like that. But you can still make it up to me. Just wake up, and all will be forgiven." Her smile faltered. "Please," she whispered. "Please come back."</p>
<p>She fell asleep in the chair beside him holding his hand, and was woken the next morning by one of the nurses changing one of the IVs. He looked a little better in the light of day—the bruising on his face looked lighter. Or maybe it was already healing. The doctor came in to run some tests, so she left and made herself presentable, had breakfast, and got a report ready for the Colonel. Steve himself seemed unchanged throughout the day, but Howard seemed pleased with the numbers he was seeing on the monitoring equipment.</p>
<p>Realizing that this was going to be a marathon, not a sprint, Peggy capitulated and went back to her quarters for the night for a shower and some proper sleep. She returned early the next morning to no visible changes, though by mid-morning, Steve was breathing well enough on his own to be taken off the ventilator.</p>
<p>After that, things seemed to be swinging upward. His bruises were definitely disappearing, and with each day, a new set of stitches or tubing was approved to be removed—and some of the scars from the earlier ones were already disappearing. The doctors couldn't keep from marveling over his progress, though it did make Steve sound rather like a science experiment, Peggy thought. She knew the doctors were doing their best, so she tried to keep from snapping at them.</p>
<p>At least once a day, Steve was wheeled downstairs for a scan in a large, very loud machine. Howard scoffed at the quality of the images of Steve's brain they produced, and when Mr. Jarvis pointed out that the hospital was using state of the art equipment, he snorted and said that was just because he hadn't dabbled in the field yet. They didn't see him for a couple of days after that, and Peggy assumed he went back to his lab to work on plans for a superior brain-scanning machine of his own.</p>
<p>She was able to keep busy with keeping up with the security team and sending reports to the Colonel, but there was only so much time those activities could take up. It was harder to keep from worrying when she was just sitting there, and she often found her hand drifting down to the compass that she made sure to put in her pocket each morning. She didn't know how much of the damage it had taken was normal wear and tear from being used in a war zone and what had been caused by the ice, but she thought she might be able to fix it up a little. When she expressed this idea to Mr. Jarvis, he happily supplied her with an array of polishes and tools.</p>
<p>It was finicky work, cleaning off the rust and smoothing out the little dents, but it gave Peggy something constructive to focus on, and it was good to have something to do with her hands. Soon she had the hinges sliding easily open and closed, the rough spots smoothed out, and the battered bronze shining warmly. She thought about putting a new, undamaged picture inside, but that seemed to be a bit of an overstep. Wherever he'd gotten it from, Steve had chosen that one himself, and she felt as though she should leave it.</p>
<p>Looking at the restored compass, Peggy found herself feeling more hopeful, as though it were a sign that its owner would be restored too. And he <em>was</em> improving. By the end of a week, nearly all his stitches were all out, his scars were fading, and all of his visible injuries, with the exception of the broken limbs, had healed. Some internal injuries were still mending, and he was still being fed by a tube sticking out of his stomach, but he was well on the road to recovery. If only he would wake up.</p>
<p>It was four days later when he did. He'd begun to move lately, just little twitches and shiftings here and there. Howard said it was a good sign. His breathing changed when he moved, and at first, Peggy thought that's what this was, but then it didn't drop back down into its slower sleeping cadence, and she looked up at his face hopefully.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she asked.</p>
<p>For a moment, nothing, then his eyelids started to flutter. Peggy held her breath, and slowly, heavy and sleepy but very much deliberately, his eyes opened and that familiar, beautiful blue was staring back at her.</p>
<p>"Steve," she breathed happily, moisture pooling in her eyes and a broad smile stretching across her face. A small furrow appeared between his eyebrows, and her smile started to fall away. He was looking at her, and that was awareness in his eyes but not…not recognition. "Steve?" she said again. She tried for another smile, raising one hand up to rest lightly on his cheek. "It's me. It's Peggy." She brushed her thumb over his cheek. "Please tell me you remember me."</p>
<p>He continued to stare at her. The furrow between his eyebrows got a little deeper.</p>
<p>"Steve, please say something," she said. "You're starting to scare me."</p>
<p>He said nothing, but kept staring at her curiously.</p>
<p>"Alright," she said, and his eyes followed her hand up away from his face as she stood. "Let me just go and fetch Howard."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>So, it looks like good news and bad news. Will Howard be able to shed any light on the situation?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, Steve is awake now. But how much he's recovered remains to be seen...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>In no time at all, the room was abuzz with doctors. Stethoscopes, lights, needles, and clipboards came out, and everyone seemed to be doing about fifteen things at once; shouting readings off the machines, peering into Steve's eyes, testing his reflexes, prodding, poking him with needles, examining his head… It was a mad swarm of activity, with Steve looking very small and lost in the middle of it. Peggy knew they were all trying to help, but when Steve shrank back and let out a pathetic little whimper, she couldn't stop herself diving in.</p>
<p>"Right!" she barked, startling them all and using the momentary pause in activity to shove herself through the crowd. "Give him some space."</p>
<p>"Miss, we're—" one of the doctors started.</p>
<p>"<em>Agent</em>," Peggy corrected him sharply, reminding him who was in charge here. (Alright, technically, that was Colonel Phillips, but she did have the authority to act on his behalf.)</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>"Everyone back up," she said. "You too, Howard."</p>
<p>They did.</p>
<p>"I am very much aware that you have a medical marvel sitting here in front of you," Peggy told them. "But do not lose sight of the fact that he is a human being and will be treated like one. I have no doubt you have a lot of questions to answer and tests to run, but there is no need for all of this chaos. You will all go out into the hall and come in to perform your tests one at a time."</p>
<p>Sheepishly, they complied, and once they were all out, Peggy sat down in the chair next to Steve. "I'm sorry about that," she said. She lifted her hand to brush his hair back, then remembered that he didn't have any and cupped his cheek again instead. "Are you alright?"</p>
<p>He still didn't say anything, but there was gratitude in the way he stared back at her. She smiled. "I think it's best I stay here when they come back," she said. "Keep them from getting carried away."</p>
<p>She allowed them back in one at a time. Steve didn't seem particularly happy with their ministrations, but he seemed calmer with her sitting there, and whenever he started to get agitated, she would hold his hand and he would settle.</p>
<p>The news from all the tests was encouraging and not. Steve's reflexes were slower than they should have been but he was responding to all their tests within an acceptable range. He could hear and see and move, and he responded to visual, auditory, and tactile stimuli. That was good—more than most of them had hoped for. He just wasn't speaking. He didn't seem to recognize anyone either, but it was hard to say for sure since he wasn't saying anything.</p>
<p>Howard, to Peggy's surprise, came in last.</p>
<p>"I would have thought you'd be champing at the bit to get back in here," she said.</p>
<p>"I was," Howard replied. "But I figured I could sit and stay for a while without ruffling too many white coats if I waited 'til the end," he explained. He pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed. Steve eyed him a little warily, but Howard folded his arms across his chest, leaned back in his chair, and gave him a friendly smile. "Sorry about all that, pal," he told him. "I get carried away sometimes. But you know that." He reached out a hand and patted Steve carefully but jovially on the chest. "But I promise, we're not going to make a circus out of you. You got my word on that."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "Thank you."</p>
<p>Howard blushed a little, as he always did when caught out being kind. "So, you catch much of what they were saying?"</p>
<p>"Enough to sum it up for you," Peggy said, a little surprised he didn't know.</p>
<p>"No, I know it all," he said. "Everybody's comparing notes out in the hall. I just wanted to know if I needed to explain anything."</p>
<p>"I think I have it," Peggy said. "He's healthy as can be expected, and responding to every physical test like he should, which means it's…" She couldn't quite bring herself to say it.</p>
<p>"Which means it's a brain injury," Howard finished for her grimly. "Yeah." He sniffed thoughtfully. "But just because he woke up with some wires loose doesn't mean he'll stay that way. The fact that he's awake at all has me much more optimistic about this."</p>
<p>"Do you think he'll remember anything?" Peggy wondered. Steve's eyes were bouncing back and forth between them as they talked, and Peggy wondered how much, if anything, he was understanding of the conversation.</p>
<p>"He might remember things now," Howard countered. "It's harder to say since he can't tell us so. He may just need some time to turn all the lights back on in there," he went on, waving at Steve's head. "Let's see what time and maybe some therapy can do, huh?"</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "What is that going to look like, moving forward?" she asked. Knowing what the plan was would make it easier for her to know what she should do.</p>
<p>"Well, for starters, we're going to put him back in that scanner downstairs. See what we can get now that he's awake."</p>
<p>Getting something from the scanner while Steve was awake turned out to be rather an ordeal for everyone involved. Steve was wheeled down to the scanning room and was clearly discomfited by the large machine. His uneasiness only got worse when they put him up on the table to go inside it, and he was flinching fearfully when they got it turned on. (Peggy could hardly blame him for that—it was an ungodly loud contraption.) His breathing was agitated, and he was twitching and jerking, and Peggy rather thought he might have been flailing if three-quarters of his limbs weren't currently immobile.</p>
<p>The doctors were arguing about what they should do—they could sedate him, but that wouldn't give them all the readings they were after, since that was the point of doing a scan now that he was awake. He needed to lie still for the time it took to do the scan, and they were starting to consider finding a way to strap him down. That wasn't happening if Peggy had anything to say about it, so she moved up to where Steve's legs were sticking out of the machine and patted the cast over his left thigh gently. (She would have taken his hand if she could reach it.)</p>
<p>"It's alright, Steve," she told him. If nothing else, his enhanced hearing hadn't been affected, because he heard the sound of her voice over the noise of the machine and stilled. "It's alright," she said again. "I know you must be frightened, but this isn't going to hurt you. I won't let them hurt you," she said firmly. "I promise."</p>
<p>Motion caught her eye, and she turned back to the testing table to see Howard waving a piece of paper at her. 'Whatever you're doing over there, keep doing it,' it read. 'We're starting the scan.'</p>
<p>Peggy nodded and turned back to the machine, though Steve's head was too deep inside it for her to see him. "Do you remember when I kissed you on the car?" she asked, knowing that the machine was loud enough, no one but Steve could hear her and unable to think of anything else to say. "Afterwards, I did wonder what had come over me, doing something like that in front of the Colonel," she went on. "He never said anything, though, just sort of looked at me. He knew all along about the two of us, I always thought. He confirmed it for me afterwards—said he never let on, because it was against the rules, and he'd have to transfer one of us to another unit." Actually, he'd gone on to say that her simply being fired was the more likely scenario, because his superiors had never liked that his second-in-command was a woman. So if he had to put up with earnest, pining glances across the war room to keep his two best agents, he would. But that wasn't what she was trying to tell Steve right now.</p>
<p>"The old softie," she went on. "Giving us a chance. Though I doubt kissing you like my life depended on it in the middle of combat was what he had in mind. But I don't regret it," she told him. She couldn't hear over the machine if he was responding or not, but he was staying calm, so she left her hand on his leg and kept going. "Although I do regret not doing it sooner. Perhaps…" Her voice faltered a bit. "Perhaps when you're better, we can have that dance. Maybe even when you're still in a wheelchair, depending how long it takes those legs of yours to heal, and how impatient I'm feeling. At least you won't be able to step on my feet that way."</p>
<p>The machine started to power down, so Peggy stopped talking, though she kept her hand on Steve until he was out and could see her again. He had calmed down enough for the scan, but the whole ordeal had agitated him and he was still jumpy, so the doctors gave him a sedative and sent him back up to his room.</p>
<p>"Was it really necessary to sedate him?" Peggy demanded as she walked out with Howard.</p>
<p>"It was, actually," he said. "I know physically, he looks a lot better, but there's still some stuff in here that needs to take it easy," he told her, tapping his chest. "That worked up way he kept breathing, he could have damaged that lung that collapsed if he kept at it."</p>
<p>"Oh," Peggy said. "Well, in that case, thank you," she said, feeling a tad embarrassed. Howard did often get carried away, but she knew he would be much more careful in a case like this.</p>
<p>"Thank <em>you</em> for talking him through it," Howard said. "We never would have got the procedure done otherwise." He grinned. "He may not remember much right now, but he remembers he can trust you. I'll leave you to draw what conclusions you will from that," he said with a smirk before turning off into one of the labs.</p>
<p>Peggy shook her head, but she had noticed the same thing and would have been lying to say the realization hadn't given her some hope.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Colonel Phillips was by the next morning. He listened gravely as Peggy and Howard gave a full report. "Mm," he mused at last, which Peggy knew was all they were likely to get of his opinion on the subject.</p>
<p>Steve was watching them curiously from his bed. He was able to sit up on his own, though he needed some help getting there as he only had one functioning hand at the moment to push himself up with. They'd noticed in their tests that that hand was also on the shaky, uncoordinated side.</p>
<p>Phillips stared at Steve for a long moment, and Steve stared back. Though he looked a little wary when he sat down next to him, Steve didn't appear frightened by Phillips. After a minute, Phillips asked carefully, "Do you know me, son?"</p>
<p>That furrow was back between Steve's eyebrows, and he tilted his head a little to one side as he studied him. After a long minute of that, Phillips stood up, sighing as he did. "What's the prognosis, Stark?"</p>
<p>"To early to say for sure, Colonel, but I'm hopeful."</p>
<p>"What does 'hopeful' mean in this case?"</p>
<p>Howard whipped out something that looked like an x-ray that Peggy realized after a second was a picture of a brain. There were no clearly defined shapes in the image, rather, shades of grey showing areas of light and dark. "This was his head yesterday morning. This one," he said, brandishing another one that was almost entirely dark. "Was last week. We've got a lot more light going on in the new one. That means parts of his brain are coming back online. How much that's going to continue now that he's awake?" Howard shrugged. "Who knows? But he's going the right direction."</p>
<p>Phillips nodded. "Carter, I want you to stay here."</p>
<p>Peggy opened her mouth, but Phillips kept talking. "I know this isn't your usual job, but it's important. Security on this is of the highest priority. What's left of Hydra or some of Hitler's boys might take a swing at him if they hear about the condition he's in, and even if that never happens, we can't let the vultures on the Hill or in the press get wind of this either."</p>
<p>"I couldn't agree more, Sir," Peggy said. She hadn't been intending to argue anyway when he had cut her off. Steve deserved so much more than to spend the rest of his days as a lab rat for people more interested in the serum than in the man it was inside, and he wasn't in a position to defend himself right now. This was her second chance at keeping him safe.</p>
<p>"Good. Keep him safe. From whoever you have to. And you have my permission to authorize whatever needs doing for treatment."</p>
<p>"Yes, Sir," Peggy said. "Thank you, Sir."</p>
<p>Phillips nodded, patted Steve a little awkwardly on one shoulder, and left with Howard. Peggy sat down next to Steve with a smile. "I don't know if I've ever seen him so affectionate," she said with a nod to the door. "I knew he liked you." Steve kept watching her, and she sighed. "I've got to admit, it's a bit unnerving, all the staring. I wish you would say something." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "But if that's all you can manage for now, I'll take it." She swallowed a knot in her throat. "I am glad you're here, Steve. I'm so glad you're alive." The smile she gave him was a bit watery, but it was a smile.</p>
<p>He smiled back.</p>
<p>It was only with one side of his mouth and it was a little twitchy, but it was a smile and it was beautiful. Peggy's smile grew even wider. Maybe Howard was right and he could dig his way out after all.</p>
<p>The feeding tube had been removed from his stomach once he'd woken up, and a nurse came in now to help him with lunch. Peggy took the opportunity to check in with the security detail. Thus far, there had been no unauthorized attempts to access the floor, and their agents on the levels of the hospital that were being used for other patients hadn't picked up anything unusual. Over a week of radio silence meant they really did have this thing on lockdown, but Peggy reminded them that was no need to get overconfident.</p>
<p>Steve was alone when Peggy returned, and there was something sad in his eyes when he looked up at her. "Is something wrong?" she asked, dropping down to sit beside him.</p>
<p>He made a small, unhappy noise, and Peggy recognized from the tightness in his eyes that he was in pain. The condition he was in, it was little wonder something hurt, but she looked him up and down quickly, not seeing any signs of outward injury or damage to his casts.</p>
<p>"Can you tell me where it hurts?" she asked, wondering if that would do any good. He blinked at her sadly. "Where does it hurt, Steve?" she asked gently. "Can you show me?"</p>
<p>He looked at her for a moment, then awkwardly lifted his left hand. It made the shaky journey up to his head, then began clumsily pawing at the side of it where the bandages had come off yesterday. There was a large, rough scar in the shape of a circle where they'd stitched him up after the surgery on his brain. The stitches had come out yesterday too, but the skin was still knotted, raw and tender. Little wonder something in all of that hurt.</p>
<p>"Alright," Peggy said, keeping her voice calm and encouraging, though inwardly she was elated that he had understood her question enough to respond to it. "Let's see what we can do about that." If it was just a headache, massage might do the trick, but prolonged touch wouldn't be welcome where the stitches had been. One of his IV lines had painkiller that worked on the serum in it, and Peggy picked up the control for the line, held it up so Steve could see it, then clicked the button a few times to release more of the medicine. "How's that?" she asked him.</p>
<p>The relief in his face was almost immediate. He leaned back against his pillows with a sigh and gave her another one of those little smiles and a hum.</p>
<p>"Looks like it worked, then," she said with a smile. "Although perhaps I did a click too many," she added, watching his eyelids start to droop. It hadn't been enough to put him all the way out, and he kept smiling up at her, contented and sleepy. If he'd had hair, she would have carded her fingers back through it, but she brushed her hand gently over his scalp instead. The little prickles of hair that were starting to grow back tickled her palm. He rolled his head up into the motion, sort of the way a cat would when scratched behind the ear, and she smiled and did it again. "Do you miss your hair, I wonder?" Peggy asked. "It will grow back soon enough, I should think. And I would think it would be quite soft too, if this peach fuzz you have now is anything to go by. It seems rather unfair to everyone else that the serum should give you lovely hair on top of everything else. Or did you have it already?"</p>
<p>She continued stroking his head for a bit, then sat back and just looked at him as he stared sleepily back. It was really was amazing, she realized, that he was here at all. She had, by now, read all the details of Howard's reports of what they'd found in the Valkyrie and the state Steve had been in. He should have been dead by all accounts, and yet here he was, more or less in one piece, alive and awake and responsive. That he was here at all was a testament not only to Dr. Erskine's work, but to Steve's sheer force of will. "You amaze me, my darling," Peggy whispered, leaning in and kissing his forehead softly as he finally drifted off to sleep. She'd never called him that before—well, not out loud, at any rate—but it seemed the natural thing to do. "Thank you for coming back to me."</p>
<p>When Peggy came back the next morning, Steve was still working on his breakfast. His hand was shaking less than the day before, but he wasn't able to manage the hand-eye coordination necessary to bring the spoon from his oatmeal to his mouth. The nurse was feeding him, and he seemed, well, not as upset as he would have been before about someone else feeding him, but he was clearly unhappy with the arrangement.</p>
<p>"Do you think we should have his eyes checked?" Peggy asked, focusing on fixing the problem instead of on how much it hurt to see Steve so helpless.</p>
<p>"It's on the docket," Howard said. "But I'm not sure if that's the problem. If it was strictly a vision issue, there would be some consistency in the way he keeps missing getting the spoon in his mouth. He'd keep hitting himself in the chin, for example, because he'd be aiming for one spot, but his vision wasn't aligning. He's all over the place with where the spoon ends up, so I think it's more of a coordination issue, which is more complicated."</p>
<p>"I see," Peggy said. That certainly sounded like the result of brain damage to her, so she couldn't see why Howard looked so pleased about it. "And you're smiling because?"</p>
<p>"This is the first time you've been in here while he was eating, isn't it?" Howard said.</p>
<p>"It is."</p>
<p>"Then you might not have realized that today is the first day he's been able to pick up the spoon," Howard said. "Past couple of days, his fingers would brush over it, but he couldn't get them to close around it, and then he kept dropping it. Today he can hold it and he can move it. Not where he wants it to go, true, but if he follows the pattern, he oughta get that in a day or two." He smiled. "We're making progress, Peg."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled back, though some of it was plastered on. Howard was right, it was progress, it was just…Steve used to have the coordination to throw his shield and have it bounce in twenty different directions off of ten different surfaces, seven Nazis, two jeeps and a tank and catch it without looking; and now moving a spoon less than two feet from the bowl to his mouth would be a good day.</p>
<p>Howard and the nurse left, and Peggy sat down beside Steve. "Good morning, Steve," she said. "I hope you're feeling better today." He said nothing, of course, but he seemed happy to see her. "I've brought a book," she told him, reaching down into her bag and pulling out an Agatha Christie hardback. After a couple of days, it was getting difficult keeping up a one-sided conversation, but she didn't want for them to just sit in silence staring at one another either. "I thought I might read to you," she said. "I remember you telling me that you liked mysteries. This is an older one, but I missed it somehow the first time around, so if you know who did it, don't spoil it for me."</p>
<p>She knew he wasn't going to answer her, but Peggy hadn't been able to bring herself to speak down to him. Most of the doctors and nurses spoke to him as though he was a small child, or perhaps an intelligent dog, but Peggy saw no reason not to speak to him as she normally would have. Maybe he understood it and maybe he didn't, but she reasoned that if there was even just a bit of the old Steve left in there, he would appreciate not being coddled.</p>
<p>She began reading, and they passed most of the morning that way. They stopped for a bit when he whimpered in pain and pawed at the side of his head as he had done last night. Peggy set the book down and clicked the control button on the IV line a couple of times. He smiled and settled back against his pillows, though he didn't fall asleep this time since Peggy had done a click or two less.</p>
<p>"Shall we keep going?" she asked, picking up the book. Steve frowned and stared pointedly at her hand. "What is it?" she asked, not sure of what he wanted. He stared at her hand a bit longer, then lifted his and clumsily gestured first at her hand and then at his head.</p>
<p>"Oh, that's it, is it?" Peggy said with a laugh. She put the book down again and scooted closer so she could run her fingers back over his stubbly hair like she had done last night after seeing to his headache. He gave a contented little hum and relaxed into his pillows. "Cheeky," she told him. He smiled.</p>
<p>Steve slept for part of the afternoon, they read a bit more, then came the eye exam Howard had mentioned earlier. It didn't go as badly as the brain scan had, but it did not go well either. Steve flinched back from the lenses that hovered around his eyes, he disliked the dark room, and seemed distrustful of the doctors in general. Peggy supposed she couldn't blame him for that—they really were trying to help, but they weren't the most sympathetic. They didn't bother giving him directions since they reasoned he couldn't understand them anyway, and so when they needed him to move or turn or look somewhere, they would push his head or his arm where it needed to be, tap his face or click their fingers at him. Since Steve didn't know who was doing what or where the hands were coming from next, it made him jumpy.</p>
<p>"They're treating him like an animal," Peggy complained.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard agreed. "I can see how they get there—I've been caught up in the science before myself."</p>
<p>Peggy snorted at that.</p>
<p>"But I've been thinking we're going to need to get him out of here soon," Howard continued.</p>
<p>Peggy arched a questioning eyebrow, inviting him to elaborate.</p>
<p>"The honeymoon phase is over," Howard said. "Like you said—he's less Captain America and more of a lab rat now. Right now, the tests they're doing are to help him, but curiosity's creeping in. The 'what if' playground is getting harder to stay out of—I say as a man with some experience in that arena," he added.</p>
<p>"Doesn't he still need the treatment, though?" Peggy asked. She did not object in the slightest to getting Steve away from here, but she didn't want to do it if it would slow down his recovery.</p>
<p>"Nah," Howard said. "Well, he does," he amended. "But he doesn't need to be here for much more of it. Life or death surgical procedures are over—I can provide the rest of what he needs from here on out."</p>
<p>"Then do it," Peggy said. "Let's get him out of here."</p>
<p>"I'll have Jarvis get one of my places upstate ready."</p>
<p>Howard wanted to wait a couple more days before moving Steve just to make sure everything was alright—there were a couple of tests results he was still waiting on—and, eager as she was for the change, Peggy appreciated his caution. He'd been right before when he said he was easily caught up in the science of things, but he was keeping much better control of himself this time. Steve was his friend, and he was determined to do right by him.</p>
<p>"We'll get you out of here soon, darling," Peggy told Steve as she helped him settle in later that night. "Somewhere you can rest without anyone poking and prodding at you." She stroked her fingers back over his hair. "Perhaps you can relax a bit then. Shall we read a bit more before you go to sleep?"</p>
<p>The next day passed much the same. Perhaps it was what Howard had said about scientific curiosity, but she found herself having a harder time keeping her temper with the doctors. She fended off several of the blood tests they kept trying to do when they couldn't explain to her satisfaction what exactly they were for.</p>
<p>"Do you read the newspaper, gentlemen?" she asked coolly. She stared at them until they realized it wasn't a rhetorical question and nodded. "Then you will recall a headline from four months ago detailing just what exactly Captain Rogers did to save this country and everyone in it, including yourselves. Is using his body to satisfy your curiosity an adequate way to repay him, do you think?"</p>
<p>A few of them had the grace to look ashamed, but one plowed ahead. "We're just trying to—"</p>
<p>"Help?" Peggy finished for him. "Is that what you were going to say? Good. That's what you're supposed to be doing. Tell me what it is about this test that's going to help him."</p>
<p>"Well, you see, the way his cells regenerate themselves, there are certain blood disorders that—"</p>
<p>"That Steve does not have," Peggy cut him off. "So I see no need why you should run it, do you?"</p>
<p>A long pause. "No."</p>
<p>Alone again in the room, Peggy sat down beside Steve with a sigh. He blinked at her curiously. "You know I would protect you even if Phillips hadn't told me to," Peggy told him. "I just wish it didn't have to be from people who were supposed to be helping." She sighed again. "Do you remember last April in London?" she asked. "It was some big publicity thing for the war effort, and you were upset about being pulled away from a mission for the press, then to top it off, they gave this big speech about you and how you rose up from humble beginnings to defend your country that was half-fabrication…You told me you hadn't even felt like that much of a dancing monkey when you were with the USO." She sighed again, picking up his hand and squeezing his fingers. "Then you said that sometimes you worried that Steve Rogers was getting lost underneath Captain America. And it was days like that that made you wonder if anyone but Bucky knew he was even under there." She smiled at him sadly. "I knew. And when I told you that, the way you smiled at me…I knew then that I wanted to make you smile like that for the rest of your life."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry that you're still having trouble getting people to see the man behind the legend. But I see you, Steve," she said, pulling his hand up to her mouth and kissing his fingers. "I see you. And I shall keep you safe, my darling. From anyone that doesn't."</p>
<p>At the end of the day, Peggy was worn out. It wasn't so much that she was tired, she just…She'd been putting on a brave face for so long. She hadn't really had time to react to much since Steve came home. There had been too much to do, work that kept her emotions at bay. But she was running out of strength to keep holding them back, and the hope she'd felt when Steve woke up was starting to ebb. Howard was so upbeat, swearing they were making progress, and he claimed he wasn't getting caught up in the science this time, because this was his friend, but Peggy thought he must be getting caught up a little if he was this thrilled about the fact that Steve could hold a spoon. Maybe she should be excited about the spoon too, but it was so <em>hard</em>.</p>
<p>She sniffled, moisture pooling in her eyes. What hurt the most, what was making this the hardest, was the way Steve looked at her. He liked her, trusted her, felt safe when she was around, and Peggy was glad for that, she truly was…But the way he used to look at her was that and so much more. In a way, it was like he had died, but she couldn't mourn and try to move on, because he was still there. She didn't want him to be dead—she didn't. Steve the way he was now was better than no Steve at all. She just…She sniffed again and dashed at the tear that escaped to run down her cheek. She didn't know what to do.</p>
<p>A soft sound caught her attention, and she looked up to see Steve sitting up in bed and watching her. That furrow was back between his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Steve," she said, sitting up straighter. "Did I wake you?" It was late, the hospital quiet for the night, and Peggy should have gone home a couple of hours ago. She'd just been sitting there watching Steve sleep.</p>
<p>Steve looked at her a moment longer, then down to the table beside his bed. His hand fumbled across the top before closing on the control for his painkiller. He looked back up at her and held it out to her.</p>
<p>"Oh," Peggy said, reaching for it. "Is your head hurting you again?"</p>
<p>The furrow between his eyebrows deepened, and Peggy realized that it wasn't pained, but concerned. He gestured at her with the control again and she suddenly realized what he was doing.</p>
<p>"Oh," she breathed. She took the device gently from him, and he gave her a small, encouraging smile. "That's so kind of you, darling," she said, smiling at him fondly and trying not to cry at the sweetness of the misguided gesture. Steve knew that the little box was what made the pain go away, and he was sharing it with her. "Thank you."</p>
<p>He was watching her expectantly, waiting for her pain to go away, and she sighed. "I'm afraid it doesn't work like that this time," she said. "It was so, so very thoughtful of you to offer," she told him, resting a hand on his arm. "Truly." It was something so like the Steve she knew. "But," she continued. "It's the wrong kind of pain." She set the clicker down on the table, and Steve's confused look was back. "I'm not hurt," she told him. "I'm…I'm sad. That's something all the morphine in the world couldn't cure."</p>
<p>He watched her for a long moment, and Peggy couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. He seemed to come to some sort of decision, and he used his left arm to shove himself up a bit and over closer to the opposite side of his bed. The limb was still kind of shaky, but the strength was still in it and got him there. Then he looked up at Peggy, gestured to the empty space beside him, and held his hand out to her.</p>
<p>Trying very hard not to cry, Peggy got up and sat down next to him. He wrapped his good arm around her, pulling her against his chest, and she lost any semblance of composure she had left.</p>
<p>She wasn't sure how long she cried, but Steve sat there and held her. When she finally stopped, the kiss he pressed to the top of her hair almost made her start again. "I miss you so much," she whispered. "Perhaps it's selfish of me," she went on. "To wish for more when you're right here with me. The fact that you survived at all and that you're here…" She looked up and met his worried eyes. "I love you, Steve. I never said it before because I thought we would have time later. And now we have time, and I can say it all I want, and I have no idea if you understand me. You can't say it back. And I miss the you that would have. I miss the you that fought beside me, that shared my secrets and that had my back. I miss the you who knew what I was afraid of, who knew what made me laugh, and who knew how to help me keep going. I miss you."</p>
<p>She snaked an arm around his back—carefully—so she could hug him. "I miss the you I used to have and may not ever have again, and I wish you would come back." She stretched up a little to kiss his cheek. "But I know that you're still here. And I promise you that as long as you are, I will be too. I'm not going to leave you. And if this…If this is all we ever get, then I shall still love you. I shall always love you, my darling. Always."</p>
<p>Steve smiled softly at her and pulled her in closer to his chest. She tucked her head under his chin where she could hear his heartbeat. There was so much that still hurt, but she felt a great deal of peace, too. He kissed the top of her head again, and she sighed and closed her eyes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>There's still a lot to be worked out, but Steve Rogers isn't entirely gone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Next up, leaving the hospital and attempting to find some sort of normality.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve continues to improve, and they leave the hospital for Howard's house.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>Peggy woke up before Steve did, and though she very much would have liked to stay where she was, she reluctantly sat up and moved back to her chair, careful not to wake him. It wouldn't do for any of the hospital or security staff to see them sleeping like that.</p>
<p>She checked in with the security officers, went home to shower and change, then stopped back by the office to report to Phillips and let him know of their plan to move Steve to one of Howard's estates.</p>
<p>"Good idea," Phillips said. "People are starting to sniff around the hospital anyway. The boys you picked to keep an eye out are doing a good job—no one knows <em>who's</em> up there, but an entire floor being closed for two weeks is starting to raise some questions. The current rumor is that it's some foreign dignitary come over here for surgery."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "I'll see if I can't encourage that rumor a little bit." Creating a false trail for the curious to follow would keep their secret a little longer.</p>
<p>Phillips nodded. "How are you doing, Carter?" he asked after a moment.</p>
<p>Peggy blinked, surprised by the question. "I'm fine, Sir."</p>
<p>He eyed her suspiciously. "Mm-hmm. Well, if you want to take some of that time off you banked up during the war, just let me know. You worked hard for it."</p>
<p>"Yes, Sir," Peggy said, grateful for what he was saying and for what he wasn't. "Thank you, Sir."</p>
<p>Steve was awake when she came back, engaged in some sort of activity with Howard. He smiled up at her when she came in.</p>
<p>"Hiya, Peg!" Howard greeted cheerfully.</p>
<p>"Good morning," she said. "What are you two doing?" There was a dinner tray on Steve's lap, but instead of containing his breakfast, an assortment of random objects was scattered across the top of it and there was an empty bowl in one corner.</p>
<p>"We're working on coordination and a little bit of memory stuff. Here, I'll show you." He reached onto the tray and picked up a small rubber ball and dropped it into the bowl. He did the same with a piece of string, a quarter, a cough drop and a pen cap. Then he dumped the bowl over and mixed the contents back in with the other things on the tray. "Your turn, pal," he said, gesturing at Steve.</p>
<p>Steve stared at the pile for a moment, then began nudging pieces of it aside until he found the ball. He picked it up and dropped it in the bowl. He did the same with the string, then spent a moment studying the quarter and a silver dollar. He finally settled on the quarter, though he struggled a bit to pick it up. After the quarter was in the bowl, he picked up the pen cap, but stopped right before he put it in the bowl. He frowned at it, then set it back down. He frowned at the pile of remaining objects, then picked up the cough drop a little hesitantly. He looked at Howard before dropping it into the bowl.</p>
<p>Howard nodded. "Yep; that's the one."</p>
<p>Steve set the cough drop in the bowl, then picked up the pen cap and placed it on top. He looked up at Howard expectantly, and Howard grinned.</p>
<p>"Great job, pal!" he said, clapping him on the shoulder. "You got 'em all!"</p>
<p>Steve grinned back, pleased with himself.</p>
<p>"What exactly is it we're doing here?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Well, we were working on just picking things up at first—you saw how he had a little trouble with the quarter, since it's so flat against the tray," Howard explained. "But his coordination is definitely getting better. Once I realized he could pick things up and control the way he moved them, I thought I'd complicate it a little. I'd put stuff in the bowl, and then see if he could do it in the same order. We've worked our way up to five things, and he's come close a couple of times, but it's been a while since he actually messed one up." Howard grinned. "He's learning, Peg." The smile fell away. "I know that it's looking more and more like what we've got here is full-on amnesia, which is never good, but the fact that he can retain information, pick up patterns and things like this is a light in that tunnel. Right now he's—if you'll pardon an insensitive comparison—he's like a baby. Can't do anything for himself or talk or get his limbs to do what he wants. But the fact that he can learn means he won't stay like that. It means that no matter how bad this brain damage is, it's not bad enough to keep him this way. Give him enough time, we're going to see a fully-functioning adult Steve Rogers again."</p>
<p>"That is good news," Peggy agreed. The idea that Steve might never get his memory back was too painful to really think about right now, but the knowledge that he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life in this childlike state really was good. And the thought that one day she would actually be able to have a conversation again with Steve filled her with more hope than she would have thought, given the situation.</p>
<p>"It does speed up our timeline for getting out of here, though," Howard continued. "If we stick with the baby comparison, for all intents and purposes, he's, like, a week old. If you look at it from that point of view, he is progressing <em>fast</em>. Once the docs here put that together, it's going to be a lot harder to keep them from trying things to test the serum."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "Can we leave today?"</p>
<p>"This afternoon. That'll give Jarvis the time to work up a distraction out front for the press while we sneak Steve out the back."</p>
<p>"That seems a bit of a tall order," Peggy said. "I can spare some of the security team to help."</p>
<p>Howard chuckled. "Oh, he's had practice. What?" he went on in response to her skeptical eyebrow. "Just because I enjoy getting my picture on the front page doesn't mean there aren't places I've had to sneak out of. Trust me, no one will be watching the back entrance."</p>
<p>He left to confer with Jarvis, and Peggy took his seat. "It looks as though you've been busy this morning," she said. She picked up his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you for last night. It reminded me just how much of you I still have left." That kindness and compassion of his that she treasured so much ran deep enough to have remained undamaged by the crash.</p>
<p>He was watching her softly, smiling, but perhaps still a bit concerned.</p>
<p>She smiled and squeezed his hand again. "I'm feeling much better," she assured him. "Thank you."</p>
<p>That seemed to satisfy him, and he squeezed her hand back.</p>
<p>"Do you want to show me what you were working on with Howard?" she asked. "Let's see what else we can try."</p>
<p>Steve seemed content to continue, so they spent a bit of time moving things around on the tray in different sequences. They'd made it up to a series of eight when Steve's face tightened and he started rubbing at the side of his head.</p>
<p>"Enough for today, is it?" Peggy asked. She clicked the button for his painkiller a couple of times, then moved the tray away. "Or is it just still recovering?" She did wonder a bit about the headaches. Occasionally, he would indicate pain somewhere else, like one of his broken limbs, but it seemed to happen in his head most often. As fast as the rest of his injuries were healing, the fact that his head still seemed to bother him this much surprised her somewhat. But then, maybe it didn't. Howard had used the words 'caved in' to describe the injury to his head, which did paint a very vivid, horrible picture. And it <em>had</em> been damage enough to make him…like this, so it was probably normal, actually, that it still hurt him.</p>
<p>He settled back against his pillows and smiled when Peggy stroked her fingers over his head. "You really like this, don't you?" she said with a smile. "I <em>did</em> often want to run my fingers through your hair, you know. This isn't quite the same, but it will work until you have enough hair to actually brush back." After a few minutes she asked, "Would you like to get some rest? We're going to have a busy afternoon."</p>
<p>Steve reached over and tapped the Agatha Christie book she'd left on the nightstand.</p>
<p>"Or we could read some more," Peggy said, smiling and picking up the book. "It <em>is</em> getting to the interesting part. I've got my theory on who it is, but she so often manages to pull one over on me. Don't tell anyone, though—a spy should probably be better at working that sort of thing out."</p>
<p>They read until it was time for lunch. Steve was able to feed himself without making too much of a mess, so Peggy insisted the nurse let him. She didn't know if word of their impending escape was making the rounds, or if Howard had been right and the realization of just how powerful the serum really was was occurring to them, but she found herself fending off more than the usual amount of doctors that afternoon. It helped that Steve had fallen asleep—everyone had already agreed that rest was an important part of his recovery, so it was harder to justify waking him for unnecessary procedures.</p>
<p>"Good afternoon, Agent Carter," Mr. Jarvis said cheerfully, coming into the room with a brisk knock on the open door. "Good afternoon, Captain Rogers."</p>
<p>"Hello, Mr. Jarvis," Peggy said. Steve was eyeing him a little warily, and she realized that the two of them had never actually met. "It's alright, Steve," she said, patting his hand. "He's a friend." She looked back at Mr. Jarvis. "Are we ready?"</p>
<p>"Indeed," he replied. "Once we get down to the back door, Mr. Stark will begin his distraction at the front."</p>
<p>"Howard's causing the distraction?" she asked. "I thought you were."</p>
<p>"I did arrange it," Mr. Jarvis said. "But people would find it far less exciting if I were to leave the hospital with Marlene Dietrich than if she left with Mr. Stark."</p>
<p>Peggy blinked. "Marlene Dietrich? The film star?"</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis smiled. "The very same. She and Mr. Stark have an…er…interesting relationship. She thought letting people speculate as to whether the two of them were back together or not would be quite a lark, and in return, he's going to finance her next picture."</p>
<p>"Oh," Peggy said. That sort of money wasn't a terrible lot to Howard, but it was still a lovely gesture to make on his friend's behalf. "Well, that will certainly work as a distraction."</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis helped her maneuver Steve into a wheelchair, which did make him nervous. "Don't worry, darling," she told him. "We're not going for any tests. It's alright." He didn't seem entirely convinced, though he settled a bit as Peggy started pushing his chair—the nurses normally did that while she walked alongside, so perhaps he reasoned that she wasn't going to steer him anywhere unpleasant.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis departed once they reached the back exit, and she and Steve waited just inside the door. A few minutes later, a car pulled around, and as she opened the door, she could hear the roar of a crowd from around the other side of the building. Howard was certainly doing his job.</p>
<p>Getting Steve into the car was a bit of a challenge, mostly because of the casts on his legs. Once they started moving, he stared in fascination out the window the entire time. Peggy tried not to think about riding through New York with Steve on the way to the Project: Rebirth procedure what felt like ages ago, when Steve had pointed out the places he knew in the town (and had gotten beaten up in). His home was a new world to him now, nothing beyond curiosity tying him to the streets he had grown up in.</p>
<p>They stopped outside her quarters for her to run in and fetch her things. Never being sure when the next assignment was going to come through, Peggy had been living more or less out of her suitcase since she'd arrived there anyway, and it took very little time to pack up. Steve relaxed back into his seat when she got back in the car, and once they started moving again, he returned his attention to the outside world.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure what the setup will be when we arrive," Peggy said. "But would it be possible for him to have a room with a window?"</p>
<p>"Of course," Mr. Jarvis said. "It's already arranged. Anyone spending a great deal of time in a sickbed should have some sunlight to brighten things up."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Peggy said gratefully, glad that he had thought of it. Steve hadn't seen the light of day since coming to the hospital. The steady motion of the car was slowly putting him to sleep, and Peggy smiled to herself as she watched him fight it—he didn't want to miss anything outside the window. His eyes would slowly shut and his head would start to loll, then he would snap awake with wide eyes. It was very cute.</p>
<p>By the time they arrived at Howard's, Steve's interest in the world around him had not dimmed, but Peggy could see that he was in pain again. They'd had to remove all of his IV lines for travelling, and Peggy imagined that without them, his still-healing injuries were making themselves more prominently known again, never mind the headache. They got him inside and to the room Mr. Jarvis had set up for him, settled him into bed, and reattached the IVs with the medication Howard had waiting.</p>
<p>"Thank you for having all of this ready," Peggy said after Steve had relaxed and finally allowed himself to fall asleep.</p>
<p>"Of course, Agent Carter," Mr. Jarvis said. "I'm very glad to be of service." He paused a moment. "As to arrangements for you, I didn't want to presume, but I thought you might appreciate being where you could see him." He indicated a bed and nightstand set up in the opposite corner of the very large room. "I thought it might ease both of your minds. I also took the liberty of preparing the attached room," he went on, pointing to a door on the far wall. "In case you preferred a bit of privacy. Both can be kept up if you think you might like to move back and forth."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Jarvis. That's very kind of you. I think for tonight I might stay in here, at least until I see how he takes being in a new place."</p>
<p>"Of course," he said. "I'll put your things away and then make some tea."</p>
<p>Peggy's ears perked up. "Proper English tea?" It had been ages since she'd had anything like that, but Mr. Jarvis was reassuringly English, which gave her hope.</p>
<p>"Nothing else," Mr. Jarvis replied. "Tea with sugar and milk, and scones with clotted cream and jam. Will that do?"</p>
<p>"Oh, Mr. Jarvis," Peggy said with a smile. "You do know how to treat a lady, don't you?"</p>
<p>There was really nothing like a proper afternoon tea time, and Mr. Jarvis held nothing back. Peggy couldn't remember the last time she'd had the luxury of clotted cream, and the aroma of real loose-leaf Twinings transported her back to her parents' garden in England before she'd even taken a sip.</p>
<p>Steve slept longer than he normally did in the afternoons, but the travel had tired him. Peggy chose not to think about what his endurance used to be like, and instead focused on the pleasure of tea time. (She would have liked to carry on with her book as she drank her tea, but it seemed rude to read it without Steve, even though she didn't know how much of it he was following.) When he did wake up, he seemed very interested in Peggy's tea tray. He made no indication that he would like any of it, which was either his innate sense of politeness or him simply not knowing what it was, but Peggy offered him some anyway.</p>
<p>"I'm sure the doctors had their reasons for keeping you on such a strict diet," Peggy said, putting jam on the last two scones. "But after two weeks, surely your body can handle something more exciting than oatmeal. And if nothing else, you deserve some variety. Here." She handed him one of the scones, and for a moment, he just looked at it.</p>
<p>"You can eat it," she told him, nodding at the scone and wondering for a moment if he realized it was food—his hospital diet had been terribly unimaginative. However, it appeared that he had been very aware of the fact that the tray was Peggy's, not his, and he'd simply been waiting for permission. That was sweet and sort of sad at the same time, and Peggy chose not to dwell on it.</p>
<p>He took a tentative bite of the scone, then his face lit up like a child on Christmas morning and he practically inhaled the rest of it. "You haven't lost your sweet tooth, I see," Peggy chuckled, finishing her own scone at a more leisurely pace. He'd always liked sweets—Peggy recalled with a smile how the occasional care package with American candy or winning a chocolate bar in a poker game would make his day. (She also recalled the way he would smile at her shyly and offer to share with her. Bucky had teased him once that he must really like her if he was sharing his chocolate, and Steve had gone very red and 'accidentally' bumped him into a snow bank.)</p>
<p>"And now that it seems we've got coordination back under control," she said, picking up a cloth serviette. "Perhaps we should start working on manners next," she told him. She reached over with the cloth and wiped an errant spot of jam from the side of his mouth. He studied the sticky spot on the serviette, thoughtfully touching the spot on his face where it had been. "You used to be a very neat eater," she said. "But as that was your first taste of sugar in God knows how long, I suppose we can excuse the enthusiasm," she finished with a smile. "Tea?"</p>
<p>The pot was still warm, so she poured him a cup. "I remember the way you used to like it, so I'll just make it that way, shall I?" she said. She had read about cases where brain injuries had caused unexpected changes, like shifts in personalities. So far, Steve's personality seemed remarkably and thankfully the same, but she wondered if anything smaller, like his preferences, might have changed. It was hard to get an accurate assessment of something like that when all he ate was oatmeal.</p>
<p>"There," she said, finishing with the cup. "Nice and sweet, with no milk." She clicked her tongue in mock disapproval. "Heathen." She handed it to him and he took it carefully. His coordination really had improved, but she hadn't filled the cup quite all the way up, just in case his hand started to shake. He took a careful sip, and though he seemed as enamored by it as the scone, he drank it much more carefully. It probably had more to do with the fact that it was hot than with Peggy's comment about manners, but then he did pick up the serviette and dab carefully at the corners of his mouth when he was done. (Peggy just barely suppressed a giggle at how primly he did that. If he had been his old self, she might have suspected he was teasing her.)</p>
<p>"Very well done," she said as he put the serviette down. He smiled. "Did you like that?" she asked, taking the cup back. He nodded and she smiled. He'd started doing that in the last day or so—nodding or shaking his head in response to things, and he was doing it right. It was proof that Howard had been right, he really was learning, but that wasn't what made Peggy happy. It wasn't just proof that he was learning, it was proof that he was understanding. Steve understood what she was saying to him. How much of it, she didn't know, but that gave her hope as almost nothing else had.</p>
<p>They read for a little while, then Jarvis brought in dinner, which, for Steve, was a hearty soup that he found very exciting. It wasn't oatmeal, and Peggy resolved that he wouldn't have to eat oatmeal again for a long time. Steve fell asleep soon after, still tired from the long day. Peggy was tired herself, but she first availed herself of Howard's hospitality and took a long, luxurious hot bath. The bed Mr. Jarvis had prepared for her across the room from Steve's was lovely and soft, and she fell asleep almost at once.</p>
<p>She slept far later than she meant to the following morning. Steve was awake and finishing breakfast in the company of Mr. Jarvis, who was regaling him with the history of tea. Steve was listening interestedly, although he looked away at the sight of Peggy moving and smiled broadly when he saw her.</p>
<p>"Ah! Good morning, Agent Carter!" Mr. Jarvis said brightly. "Would you care for some tea?" he asked, indicating the tray beside Steve's bed.</p>
<p>"Yes, please," she said with a smile. She wrapped up in her dressing gown, deciding to worry about her hair after breakfast. "One sugar with milk, please."</p>
<p>"Right away," he said, preparing the cup. "Would you happen to know how Captain Rogers takes his tea?" he asked. "Our first cup was not a success. Or perhaps he is a coffee drinker?"</p>
<p>Peggy chuckled, wondering how exactly Steve would have expressed his displeasure. "No, he likes tea. He takes it with three sugars and no milk."</p>
<p>"I see," Mr. Jarvis said, and though his tone was perfectly neutral, he still managed to convey incredibly polite disapproval.</p>
<p>"He is American, after all," Peggy pointed out, taking a seat beside the bed and accepting the proffered cup of tea. "One must make allowances."</p>
<p>"Quite," Mr. Jarvis agreed, beginning on a new cup for Steve. "And I suppose his heroics do entitle him to his beverage preferences."</p>
<p>Peggy laughed, then laughed again at the skepticism on Steve's face when Mr. Jarvis offered him a new cup. Mr. Jarvis had clearly not been exaggerating about the first cup. He took it, though, tasted it gingerly, then smiled and took a longer drink.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis left and came back with a breakfast tray for Peggy. "Thank you," she told him. "Has Howard come in yet?" She'd expected him to show up yesterday afternoon, but he'd still been absent by the time she went to bed.</p>
<p>"Mr. Stark arrived very late last night," Mr. Jarvis told her. "Or it might be more accurate to say he arrived early this morning. I believe he is still asleep."</p>
<p>"I see," Peggy said. It would appear his arrangement with Miss Dietrich had not been all business, then.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis was evidently of the same opinion, but was too polite to say so. "As I suspect it will be some time before he joins us, perhaps you would like to take Captain Rogers out in the yard for a little while? I noticed yesterday that he seemed to enjoy the change of scenery. I took the liberty of having the pathways through the yard cleared so it would be easier to maneuver the chair."</p>
<p>"That sounds like a lovely idea, Mr. Jarvis. Thank you," Peggy told him. She hadn't known him long, but she could see why Howard liked him so much—his ability to anticipate and provide for needs was uncanny.</p>
<p>Peggy finished her breakfast, then adjourned to the private room Mr. Jarvis had set up for her and changed and fixed her hair. Steve had seemed to take to the new place without any trouble, so she thought tonight she might move in here. It was near enough for her to be close at hand if Steve needed anything, but she could still have some space to herself.</p>
<p>They passed a nice morning out in the garden. It was a beautiful yard—the arrangements of flowers, shrubs and trees were over the top in a way that was very Howard, yet they still retained an overall feeling of classiness. Whoever his landscaper was, Peggy applauded their talents. Steve seemed to very much enjoy himself outside. He almost didn't seem to know where to look first, with so many bursts of colorful flowers, so Peggy took it slowly as she pushed his wheelchair along the paths, stopping whenever they passed anything that seemed to particularly catch his eye. He was entranced with the water feature filled with little goldfish, and Peggy had to admit it was lovely. Dark-colored rocks formed several small basins where water flowed from one down into the other before landing in a larger pool where the fish swam. Colorful lotuses and water lilies grew along the edges of the pond, with greenery all along the back. Butterflies flitted about, and little birds occasionally swooped down to splash in the upper basins. A little frog was croaking somewhere in one of the crevices behind the rocks.</p>
<p>Peggy set the brakes on the chair and sat down on a stone bench beside Steve. They sat there for some time, enjoying the tranquility of the little spot. "Do you remember that pond you found in northern France?" Peggy asked after several minutes when a memory came to her. "It was on our way back from delivering a spy safely to a pickup point, so it was just you and me and the other Commandos. We ran across a Hydra convoy and had to take the long way around. When we stopped to camp for the night, you went off to get firewood, and then I came looking for you after you'd been gone a while. I found you by a little pond, sitting on top of your stack of firewood." She smiled at the memory. The spot Steve had come across had looked a lot like this one, though far less manicured.</p>
<p>"You had pulled a stub of pencil out of your pocket and were drawing in a little notebook you kept with you. There was a little bird splashing around just like that one, looking rather the shape of a tennis ball with its feathers all soaked and puffing out, and you said you were trying to catch it before the light went." Peggy sighed. She wondered what had happened to that drawing. She wondered if Steve would ever draw anything again. What happened to a talent like that after an injury like this? Was it still buried deep inside him, waiting to wake up as his hands healed, or was it something he would have to discover and cultivate again? Would he even want to do that?</p>
<p>As if he sensed her melancholy, Steve reached over and took her hand. She smiled back and squeezed his fingers, and they sat there in companionable silence for a while longer. When it became clear that Steve's head was starting to hurt him again, Peggy got up and steered the chair back inside.</p>
<p>They had lunch, Steve rested, and then Howard made his appearance. He looked a bit worse for the wear after his late night with the film star, but he was awake and enthusiastic about something he'd invented the week before and hadn't wanted to bring to the hospital. "Ta-dah!" he exclaimed, pouncing in Steve's direction and then stepping back. "What do you think?"</p>
<p>"Of the hat?" Peggy asked. The thing Howard had been so excited about appeared to be a dark blue woolen ski cap, not unlike the ones they had worn during winter missions. He had taken it out proudly then pulled it down over Steve's head, covering his short, bristly hair. Steve had been startled at the motion, and was now prodding at the hat gingerly. "Have you taken up knitting?"</p>
<p>"What?" Howard said. "No, it—it's not a hat."</p>
<p>"It looks like a hat," Peggy pointed out.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but the hat isn't the important part," Howard insisted. "The hat is just the containment unit for my brilliant invention."</p>
<p>"Which is?" Peggy prompted.</p>
<p>"In the lining of the hat are seventy-two little sensors," Howard explained. "It's a way for me to monitor his brain activity. Regular scans are important to see how he's progressing, but he hates being in the machine, and it was never going to be as accurate as something I could make anyway, so, voila!" He gestured proudly at the hat. "Constant scans of his brain, sending information wirelessly to this reader right here," he said, pointing at what looked like a radio that he had set down on the bedside table and plugged in. "That sends the information down to my lab where I can do more with it. As long as he's within about five feet of the reader, which, let's face it, is going to be any time he's in bed, I'll be getting data. And the more I have, the better chance I have of fixing things faster."</p>
<p>"I see," Peggy said. "That is actually rather impressive," she admitted.</p>
<p>Howard beamed.</p>
<p>"But what if Steve doesn't like the hat?" she wondered.</p>
<p>As they'd been speaking, Steve had continued his one-handed inspection of the hat, picking at it or patting it down. Something about it seemed to be bothering him, and he looked as though he was about to pull it off. He pulled it part of the way up, but then he took hold of the edge and turned it, then pulled it experimentally back down into place. He patted it once and then let go, evidently satisfied with the readjusted placement, and smiled at Howard.</p>
<p>Howard clapped him on the shoulder, then smirked back at Peggy. "Of course he likes the hat," he said. "I made sure to get something soft, and until his hair grows back in or he shakes that phantom cold feeling, it'll keep his head warm." It was currently summer time, but Steve was usually under a blanket or two and always wore a dressing gown over his long-sleeved pajamas. Peggy and the doctors had noticed that he shivered otherwise—it would seem his body remembered spending four months encased in a block of ice, even if his mind didn't. She hadn't realized that Howard had noticed, and was touched at the thoughtfulness behind the scientific enquiry.</p>
<p>"Do you think this will help figure out what's causing his headaches?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"You mean aside from the fact that his skull was in multiple pieces and he had invasive brain surgery two weeks ago?" Howard replied. "I'd say that would be your main culprit right there. But, if it's something else," he added with a shrug. "This ought to point us in the right direction. Oh! And…" he said, fishing into his pocket as he dropped down into the chair by the bed. "It's about time we did something about this."</p>
<p>He pulled a little device out of his pocket that Peggy realized was a saw mounted on a handle. The whole thing was about the size of a large pen. "This cast could have come off yesterday," Howard went on, picking up Steve's right arm. "Let's see about getting you both hands free, huh, pal?"</p>
<p>Steve did not object to Howard inspecting his arm until Howard clicked a little button on the top of the miniature saw and the blade started to spin. Steve jerked his arm back and eyed the whirling blade apprehensively.</p>
<p>"Hey, no, I'm not gonna hurt ya," Howard said. He reached over and rapped a gentle knuckle against the cast. "Just gonna cut this off."</p>
<p>Steve continued to eye him suspiciously.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled and sat down on Steve's other side. "It's alright, Steve," she said, picking up his good hand. He looked up at her. "I realize he looks a bit disreputable at the moment, but you can trust Howard. He hasn't hurt you yet, has he?"</p>
<p>"What do you mean, 'yet'?" Howard sputtered. "I'm not gonna hurt him now!"</p>
<p>Peggy ignored him. "It's okay," she assured Steve. "He's going to help."</p>
<p>Steve looked at her for a moment longer, then turned his gaze back to Howard. After a moment, he gingerly held his casted arm out to him.</p>
<p>"There you go," Howard said warmly. He shifted closer and positioned Steve's arm so it was resting across his knees. Steve flinched as the blade made contact with the cast, but didn't pull his arm away, and Howard paused until his arm was still again, then started cutting. A fine line appeared in the white plaster, growing steadily deeper as Howard ran the blade up and down the cast.</p>
<p>Steve was watching in fascination now, his eyes following the little tool as it moved. When there were only millimeters separating the cast from Steve's skin, Howard clicked the saw off and set it aside, then placed one hand on each side of the groove he'd cut. He pulled, and with a loud crack, the cast snapped open. Steve's eyes widened in amazement as his arm was uncovered, and they widened even further when he gave his fingers an experimental twitch. A wide grin spread across his face as he started moving his arm, elbow and wrist bending without pain.</p>
<p>"That's better, isn't it?" Howard asked, tossing the pieces of cast back behind him.</p>
<p>Steve looked up at him and smiled, then reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, as Howard had done several times to him. His strength was clearly still there, as his hand connected with Howard's shoulder with an audible thump and Howard jolted forward in surprise. Peggy was not entirely successful in holding in a snort of laughter.</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Howard grumbled. He looked back at Steve. "Glad you like it."</p>
<p>Steve pulled his hand away, still smiling. He held it up and watched his fingers move for a minute as he rotated his wrist, then a thoughtful furrow appeared between his eyebrows. He looked up at Howard, gestured to the saw, then patted himself on the leg before looking back up at Howard hopefully.</p>
<p>Howard chuckled. "Sorry, pal," he said. "Those need to stay on a little longer," he told him, patting the cast on his nearest leg carefully. "Bigger bones, more complicated breaks." Steve was still looking at him hopefully, so he shook his head. "Can't do it yet. But given your ridiculous healing capabilities, I'd say they'll be off before too much longer."</p>
<p>Steve's face fell with a sigh, but his smile returned as his eyes landed on his newly freed arm.</p>
<p>Howard pocketed the little saw, picked up the broken pieces of cast, then stood up. "Right. I need a shower."</p>
<p>"I wasn't going to say anything," Peggy said with a smile.</p>
<p>"Then don't," Howard shot back as he walked away. "His arm should be fine now, but maybe have him try some stuff with it just to be sure. I'll be back later."</p>
<p>Steve was still smiling at his arm, and he held it out to Peggy for inspection. "Yes, I imagine you're glad to have use of that back," she said with a smile. "Does it hurt at all?"</p>
<p>Steve shook his head.</p>
<p>"Good," Peggy said. They spent a little while trying out some exercises, moving his arm and testing his coordination. When time for dinner came around, he ate using his right hand, and was neater about the whole process than he had been even with the improved coordination in his left hand. Peggy supposed that was a good sign, that whatever part of his brain controlled which of his hands was dominant had already healed.</p>
<p>His headache returned during dinner, so it was another early night. Peggy had to take his hat off to scratch his hair as she usually did while his medicine kicked in. He was nearly asleep, but he lifted his head enough for her to slide the hat back on when she was done. After sitting there and watching him for a moment, Peggy adjourned to the other room, took another long bath, and went to bed herself.</p>
<p>The next day was spent much the same. Breakfast, a turn in the garden, and some exercises with his hand. They met Mr. Jarvis's wife, Ana, who was loud and bubbly and cheerful and not at all what Peggy had been expecting. She'd had in mind a feminine version of the reserved, incredibly English butler, and when she'd admitted as much, Ana had laughed merrily. Ana Jarvis, as it turned out, was an artist herself, and when Peggy voiced her concerns about what might have happened to Steve's artistic talent, Ana fetched some pencils and paper and told Peggy about some simple drawing exercises they could try.</p>
<p>The exercises were a success in some ways, and less so in others. Steve took a few minutes getting used to the pencil, then watched as Ana drew simple shapes on her own paper and encouraged Steve to copy her. He seemed to get the general idea, and had no trouble recognizing what she was doing and understanding what he was supposed to do. But, though his hands didn't shake anymore, there was a childlike wobble to the lines he drew, and his shapes all turned out a bit uneven and wonky.</p>
<p>"It's a mistake many beginning artists make," Ana told Peggy when they were finished. "You want to press down hard with the pencil to get a firm line, but too much pressure keeps the pencil from being able to glide freely and takes away from the elegance of the lines. He'll work it out soon enough," she assured her.</p>
<p>Peggy knew she meant well, but she didn't find the thought reassuring. Steve should have already known that. She hardly expected him to be drawing masterpieces right off, but this was one more thing where he was going to have to start over again. Just like everything else.</p>
<p>Howard, of course, thought it was brilliant. In keeping with his metaphor of Steve being like a baby, he pointed out that he shouldn't have even had that much control over the pencil at this point, so this was obviously an amazing sign of progress. Peggy was having a harder time matching Howard's enthusiasm for little things like this. It was just so…Steve should have been so much <em>more</em>.</p>
<p>She went to bed early that night, but she spent a long time staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping. She felt terrible for being disappointed in Steve. It wasn't necessarily that she expected more of him—given everything he'd been through, logically, she knew that what he had achieved in the past two and a half weeks was nothing short of amazing. So, she didn't expect more, she just…wanted it. How selfish was that? During the War, there had been so many people who only cared about Steve's strengths and abilities, what he could do for them. Peggy didn't want to be like that. Steve had given so much of himself for so long, giving everything in the end, and here Peggy was still wanting more.</p>
<p>She could be better than that. A tear slipped down her cheek, and she realized that for all her talk of seeing Steve for who he was, she was still holding on to what he had been. If she didn't let go of that, she could easily become bitter and hard and lose the Steve she had now. A second tear joined the first, and she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow and allowed herself to cry, freely and without holding back. She hadn't wanted to admit that she might never get the old Steve back, but that was making her resentful of the new Steve, the Steve who was here and who was alive and who was trying so hard. And the new Steve…The things she had loved about him, they were still there. They were expressed differently now, but his kindness, his thoughtfulness and gentleness, his determination, that was all still there. He still trusted her as he once did, maybe even more now. He was still Steve and she still loved him. For everything that hurt right now, that thought still sounded through it all, clear as a bell. She loved him with all of her heart. So she cried and let herself mourn, acknowledging what she'd lost, and when she was done, she felt exhausted and spent, but lighter. More peaceful. Steve was still here. They'd lost so much, but not each other, and she clung to that thought as she fell asleep.</p>
<p>She continued to cling to it in the following days. Any time she started to wish for more, she forced herself to think about the crash, about her brief glimpse of Steve before they wheeled him into surgery. About the litany of injuries she'd read off his chart. All those things that should have made the fact he was here at all impossible. With that perspective, it was easier to look at his non-verbal communication and focus on the fact that he was <em>communicating</em>; or to see the strength of will in the hands that had struggled to pick up a spoon last week now drawing lines on paper. The smirk in his eyes when he snuck a biscuit off her tea tray spoke to a familiar streak of cheekiness, and the way he smiled at her when she stroked his hair as he fell asleep held the same fondness she'd seen so many times before. She hadn't lost him. Not really.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Peggy is still having a hard time adjusting to this new reality, but she still has Steve, and he really is getting better.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Up next, some surprising things happen.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve continues to recover, some good things happen, and we see a few familiar faces. (And Geekynerddemon gets to find out what that "redacted" business in our chat was about...)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>It was with some surprise that Peggy realized they had been at Howard's for two weeks. Steve had settled in well. He got on very well with the Jarvises, and they both seemed to enjoy his company. Peggy appreciated that neither of them seemed inclined to baby Steve, or treat him as though he were stupid. Howard was in and out each day, running his checks and adjusting his equipment and then swanning off to do other things, some related to Steve, some not.</p>
<p>They'd settled into a comfortable routine. Each day they spent time in the garden; Peggy would carry on reading to him (they'd finished two books by now and moved on to a third); Ana Jarvis would do drawing exercises with Steve, and Peggy and Mr. Jarvis would help with his physical therapy. He had an excellent range of motion now, and a great deal more of his coordination had returned. One of his legs was free of its cast now, but the other had a bit longer to go—the break had been bad enough, anyone but Steve would have never walked on it again. Neither Peggy nor Howard thought it was a good idea for him to try getting about with one leg and a cane, so he remained confined to his bed or his wheelchair for the time being, doing exercises with his good leg in preparation for walking again.</p>
<p>Peggy had started spending some time doing more work for Colonel Phillips. Her primary role was still Steve's protection, but as this was turning out to be a very long assignment, Phillips had been sending other things over for her to work on. He still praised her codebreaking abilities and the way she analyzed things, so when Steve was resting, or drawing with Ana Jarvis, Peggy would work on decryptions or read through reports and pick up clues other agents had missed. She didn't really mind the extra work—it was a bit of mental stimulation that she found she'd been missing, and she enjoyed it.</p>
<p>One morning, Howard was in with pages of information and photographs he'd printed from the results of his scans. It was all very technical, but the general gist was positive. More areas of Steve's brain were lighting up in the images compared to the last one Peggy had seen. She didn't know what each section that lit up in his brain controlled, but it could still only be a good thing. Steve seemed very interested in the photograph, and sat there holding it and just looking at it for a while. Howard attempted to explain to him that it was the inside of his head, but going by Steve's expression, he wasn't doing a very good job.</p>
<p>After Howard left, they had their morning tea, and Peggy could really get used to Mr. Jarvis's service. Today's scones had bits of cranberries in them, and they were delicious. Steve, however, whose zest for foods that were not oatmeal had yet to wane, seemed to be enjoying them with less than his usual enthusiasm. Something appeared to be on his mind. Peggy was beginning to suspect it was about her, because in between his thoughtful nibbles, he kept looking up and studying her.</p>
<p>"Is something wrong?" she asked him as she set the empty tea things on the tray.</p>
<p>He arched a questioning eyebrow.</p>
<p>"You look as though you're trying to work something out," she said.</p>
<p>He frowned thoughtfully, lifted his hand and hesitated a moment, then reached over and picked up her hand.</p>
<p>"What is it?" she asked, resting her other hand on top of his.</p>
<p>Looking at her intently, he made an odd sort of noise in his throat, then cleared his throat and tried again. "P…" he began, frowning as though he wasn't sure he was doing it right. "Peg…Pegg—y."</p>
<p>Peggy's mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he said again, more smoothly, but a little uncertain.</p>
<p>Peggy realized he was waiting on her reaction, and she forced herself to respond. "Yes," she breathed, all she could manage over her surprise, though she felt a smile stretching across her face.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he said again, more confidently this time and with a smile of his own.</p>
<p>"Yes," she said again, her cheeks aching as her smile grew wider. "Yes, that's right. I'm Peggy."</p>
<p>He let go of her hand and gestured to his own chest. "Steve," he said, dragging the 's' out a bit and not sounding quite as sure as he had of her name.</p>
<p>She laughed and nodded, blinking away the moisture that she felt pooling in her eyes. "Yes, that's right, my darling," she said, leaning forward and placing a hand on his chest. "You're Steve."</p>
<p>He smiled again. "Peggy," he said, reaching over and patting her hand. He tapped his chest. "Steve."</p>
<p>"You can talk," she whispered. He was growing blurry through the tears pooling in her eyes, but she could tell he was smiling. "You can talk," she said again. Not only could he talk, but he knew her. He knew her name. She huffed an amazed laugh and grabbed the sides of his face in her hands, pulling him forward and kissing him joyfully. When she pulled away, he was staring at her with wide eyes, a dazed smile turning up one corner of his mouth.</p>
<p>"You can talk," she repeated softly. Suddenly Howard's predictions about his recovery didn't seem so inflated after all. "And you know my name."</p>
<p>"Peggy," he confirmed.</p>
<p>His vocabulary was evidently limited at the moment, but Peggy smiled. "I'd forgotten how wonderful it felt when you said my name," she told him. "You say it as often as you like."</p>
<p>She called Howard back in, who was overjoyed at the news, though he was clearly torn between staying and going down to examine what the scans of Steve's brain looked like with this new development. Steve seemed far less certain about Howard's name than he had been about Peggy's or his own, and he stumbled a few times over the letters before he got it down, but he was very pleased with himself once he did.</p>
<p>"Well, look at you, pal," Howard said, letting out a low whistle. "I figured speech was on the table, but I was thinking we were a way off still, never mind actual words. You're something else," he said, shaking his head. He turned to Peggy. "Okay, I've gotta go see how this new data is coming out—you let me know what happens while I'm gone, okay?"</p>
<p>Peggy spent the rest of the day being elated that Steve could speak again and also trying to figure out how he was doing it. Her name and his own, he had seemed to know. She'd needed to help him with Howard's name, but there was the possibility that he knew it and had just needed help with the syllables. He'd seemed aware of Mr. Jarvis's name, though he left off the 'Mr.', but then he'd needed help with Ana's as he had done with Howard's. Peggy couldn't work out if he remembered their names and needed help in saying them, or if he was learning them all again.</p>
<p>"Well," Ana pondered, not offended at all that Steve had struggled with her name. "I have noticed in our drawing exercises that he's very observant. And of the people in the household, he does see you and my husband the most. Perhaps that's why your names came more naturally to him—he's made note of what people call you and has been storing the names up until he could say them."</p>
<p>They had the opportunity to test Mrs. Jarvis's theory the next day, and it did appear as though it was the correct one. Colonel Phillips was told that Steve was speaking again, and he came to check in. Steve had said nothing for some time, but when they asked him if he knew who the Colonel was, he'd responded with 'Sir'. Howard had choked on his lemon tart, and Peggy had only partially succeeded in hiding a very unladylike snort into her tea.</p>
<p>"Well," Howard mused, brushing powdered sugar from his shirt. "He only seems to have managed two syllables so far, and 'Colonel Phillips' is a bit of a mouthful."</p>
<p>"Mm-hmm," Phillips said. "And what does this tell you about his recovery, then?"</p>
<p>"He's on an even faster track than I had hoped," Howard said. "With the rate he was learning, I was expecting speech eventually, but I was expecting him to have to work up to it—like a baby, you know? Mimicking sounds and practicing words. Jumping straight to complete words is a big step."</p>
<p>"Has he actually said anything besides everyone's names?" Phillips asked.</p>
<p>"Not yet," Howard said before Peggy could respond. "But that does fit the pattern of learning—once kids <em>do</em> start speaking, they start with the names of the people around them. I figure we'll get objects and verbs soon."</p>
<p>Peggy frowned at Howard—she was still elated that Steve had begun to speak, but Howard's tone was slipping back into detached scientist, as it did from time to time.</p>
<p>Phillips pondered this information. "So, we're pretty sure he's starting over?" he asked. "No memory of anything before the crash?"</p>
<p>"It's looking that way, Sir," Howard replied.</p>
<p>Phillip nodded again. "Give me a minute with Carter, would you?"</p>
<p>Howard nodded and got up, and Peggy glanced at Steve, who was sitting and watching them curiously. "Do we need to step away?" she asked.</p>
<p>Phillips shook his head. "Who's he going to tell?" He sighed deeply. "It's a shame," he said, sadly. "A real shame. Don't get me wrong—I'm glad he's on the mend, but to lose everything like that…" He shook his head again, his eyes distant. "Rogers deserves better than that."</p>
<p>"He does," Peggy agreed, surprised to see Phillips so openly emotional.</p>
<p>"Anyway," Phillips said, pulling himself back into the moment. "The other reason I came out here—how comfortable are you with Stark's security?"</p>
<p>Peggy frowned. "I don't understand."</p>
<p>He bent down to pull a file from the briefcase he'd brought with him, and handed it to Peggy. "There are more details in here. But rumor that Rogers is alive has gotten out. For the most part, it's the stuff of tabloids, nothing to take too seriously. But this—" He tapped the folder in her hands. "My people picked up chatter about this guy, Ivchenko. Comes from a branch of Hydra that ties back to Zola. Now, Zola's in jail, and he's not going anywhere, but Ivchenko is a squirrely one who keeps giving our boys the slip. And the talk is that he's Stateside."</p>
<p>"You think he's coming after Steve?" Peggy guessed.</p>
<p>Phillips nodded. "You know the kind of work Zola did. Ivchenko's connected, and with Rogers in the condition he is, well, he'd sure be an easier test subject than he would have been six months ago. So: How do you feel about Stark's security?"</p>
<p>Peggy took several minutes to consider. "Given that information, Howard's security is a bit lacking," she said at last. "But I think we could get it up to snuff." Some extra men and more precautions would make the property safer, and she didn't want to move Steve if she didn't have to—his recovery really had gone well here, and she hated to return him to the enclosed, windowless confines of a safehouse.</p>
<p>"You're sure?"</p>
<p>She nodded. "I am." Good for his recovery or not, if Peggy didn't think she could secure the place, she wouldn't hesitate to move Steve somewhere safer.</p>
<p>"Alright," Phillips said. He nodded at the folder in her hands. "Read that while I go check on something else with Stark. Come up with a plan, and we'll nail down the details during lunch before I head out."</p>
<p>"Yes, Sir," she said.</p>
<p>Phillips nodded at her, then nodded at Steve. "Rogers," he said, by way of farewell.</p>
<p>"Sir," Steve said, nodding back.</p>
<p>"He's got a name, you know," Peggy told him with a smile. "Although perhaps he appreciates that you're keeping military protocol."</p>
<p>She settled back down into her seat with the folder. It became very apparent very quickly that if Ivchenko really was after Steve, the Colonel was right in wanting to increase security. Reading over some of the things he'd done made Peggy shudder. The thing that puzzled her was how he kept getting away. Several times now, the S.S.R. had been close to catching him, and each time, he'd slipped away. The men who'd been there and given the reports seemed just as confused as to how he'd done it as she was.</p>
<p>"Peggy?" Steve asked.</p>
<p>"Hmm?" She looked up to see him watching her. "Is everything alright?"</p>
<p>He nodded, then nodded at the folder in her hands and looked back up at her. His eyebrows were furrowed in a mixture of concern and curiosity, and he might not have much of a vocabulary yet, but he had always had very expressive eyes. Peggy had teased him once that he would have made a dreadful spy—nearly everything he thought was telegraphed across his face.</p>
<p>She smiled and reached over and patted his hand, realizing that she had been frowning down at the folder. "I'm alright," she assured him. "Just thinking, is all."</p>
<p>He nodded, gave her a little smile that seemed to apologize for interrupting, then reached for his bedside table and picked up his drawing pad and pencil. He began working on one of his exercises, and Peggy smiled and returned to her reading.</p>
<p>Over lunch, she and the Colonel discussed with Howard the best way to go about increasing his security. Mr. Jarvis was actually of greater help than Howard, since he seemed to know the property better. Between them, they were able to come up with the weak spots in their current security and make sure they were covered. Peggy pointed out that all the new security should be dressed like gardeners or other members of the help—if Ivchenko didn't know where Steve was, there was no need to advertise it with an influx of heavily-armed security guards suddenly appearing on one of Howard's properties.</p>
<p>"Sir," Peggy said, stopping Phillips before he left. "I think it's time we let the rest of his team know about him." She'd been waiting, hoping there would be better news to share before she shared it, but they deserved to know. "And I'm not sure what sort of assignment you have them on now, but I can't think of a better security detail than the Howling Commandos."</p>
<p>Phillips nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. I've had them on this Ivchenko thing anyway, so this is a good spot for them to be." He cast a look behind him into the room where Mr. Jarvis was laying out the cards of a child's Memory game in front of Steve—one of the exercises they'd progressed to once Howard's bowl of objects became too easy. Phillips sighed and shook his head. "I'll give them a heads up before they get here."</p>
<p>"I think that's wise," Peggy agreed. It wasn't the sort of thing you wanted to spring on someone unawares. She wondered if there was anything she should do to prepare Steve for their arrival. If she could find some photographs, perhaps she could teach him their names before they arrived. That might soften the blow somewhat. After discussing it with Howard, however, she decided against it. Steve being able to say her name and Howard's might have been because he re-learned them, or because he remembered them—since they'd both been around him since he'd woken, it was difficult to say. The Howling Commandos were people he had known, and so if there were traces of memory still there, this would be one of the few opportunities they would have to test it.</p>
<p>The following morning, Steve surprised them yet again after breakfast by picking up his plate and holding it up towards Mr. Jarvis, asking, "More?"</p>
<p>Peggy and Mr. Jarvis both stared at him in surprise, and Steve frowned, evidently feeling he'd gotten it wrong.</p>
<p>"More please?" he tried.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis recovered first. "Of course, Captain Rogers," he said as though this happened every day. (He really was an excellent butler!) He took Steve's plate and spooned another helping of scrambled eggs onto it, along with several pieces of bacon. "More fruit as well?"</p>
<p>"Please," Steve said again.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis smiled and placed a large helping of chopped fruit alongside the eggs. "There you are." He handed the plate back to Steve.</p>
<p>Steve accepted it with a grateful smile and happily tucked into the eggs. Peggy finally remembered how to speak herself. "Well," she said. "That was…" A thought occurred to her and she laughed, though perhaps she shouldn't have. Mr. Jarvis arched a curious eyebrow. "It's just, it seems very…<em>Steve</em>, that his first two words should be to ask for more food and to be polite about it."</p>
<p>"Actually," Howard—who had not been there a moment ago—said from behind them. "His first word was your name, which is also very Steve." Peggy glared at him and he ignored it, strolling into the room with his hands in his pockets. "He really just said 'please', huh?" He shook his head. "Either he's polite down to his DNA, or he's been hanging around with you too long."</p>
<p>"Captain Rogers has been a very civilized house guest," Mr. Jarvis said. "I see no reason to be surprised at his expression of manners."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, if you were looking at it in terms of human development, you would be," Howard argued. "Manners is kind of an advanced concept for where he is right now."</p>
<p>"Just because you struggle with manners doesn't mean everyone does," Peggy said with a smile, though she understood what Howard was saying.</p>
<p>"I can't figure you out, kid," Howard said, sitting down beside the bed and looking Steve in the eye.</p>
<p>Steve set down his fork and pointed to his chest. "Steve," he corrected helpfully, and Peggy snorted. She thought Mr. Jarvis might have done so as well, but he showed no sign of having reacted when she shot a glance back at him.</p>
<p>"Yeah, alright, I can't figure you out, <em>Steve</em>," Howard said, chuckling a little himself. "Okay, so, what words <em>do</em> you know? What is this?" he asked, pointing at Steve's bacon.</p>
<p>Steve looked down at the bacon, then picked a slice up and offered it to Howard.</p>
<p>"Oh. Uh, thanks," Howard said, taking the bacon and taking a bite of it. "No, but what's this called?" he asked, pointing to the rest of the bacon. "Can you say bacon?"</p>
<p>Steve blinked at him.</p>
<p>"Bacon," Howard repeated.</p>
<p>Steve offered him another piece.</p>
<p>"Forget it," Howard said, standing up and waving for Steve to take the bacon back. He looked at Peggy. "Have you figured out how he knows these things? Did you actually teach him the word 'please'?"</p>
<p>"I didn't," Peggy said. She hadn't actually tried teaching him any words yet—Howard's predictions had placed a larger vocabulary further down the line, and he <em>had</em> only started speaking two days ago. She was still thrilled that he was saying her name. "But I say it quite often." She looked at Steve thoughtfully. He was eating his bacon and watching Howard. "I think Mrs. Jarvis's theory is turning out to be the correct one—that he's observing and storing up information to use when he feels comfortable. He's seen me say it and decided that's what one says when one is asking for something."</p>
<p>"Hmm," Howard considered. "Well, try some things out, huh? He's always listened to you more anyway. This is a jump that was a lot faster than I was expecting, so see if you can teach him anything."</p>
<p>They did practice throughout the day, but Peggy had no more luck than Howard did. She couldn't tell if Steve simply didn't understand what they were doing—when she called a chair a chair, perhaps he agreed with her and didn't think more needed to be said—or if he wasn't able to say the words. She tried breaking some of the words down into syllables and getting him to repeat them, but that only earned her another curious, slightly concerned look.</p>
<p>Though she wasn't having any luck teaching him words, there were a few more that he said throughout the day on his own. He had asked, "Eat?" when lunch was approaching, "Out?" to request a turn in the garden, and had said, "No," firmly but politely when Peggy offered him some of her anchovies for his toast at tea time. He'd also tapped his head a couple of times and said, "Hurts," in an unhappy voice, and Peggy did wish that wasn't a word he'd had to learn so quickly.</p>
<p>Still, he was speaking more, and seemed to be doing so in his own way and at his own pace, which, Peggy had to admit, was also very Steve.</p>
<p>Now that he <em>was</em> speaking, Peggy couldn't see any reason to keep avoiding giving him the compass. She'd been holding onto it, nearly bringing it out several times, but each time, she'd imagined him not recognizing it and gotten cold feet. She had no reason to suspect he'd recognize it now, but he could confirm or deny it more definitely now, and she couldn't keep putting it off. She sat down beside his bed that evening, but instead of picking up their book, she reached into her pocket and pulled the compass out.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she asked. "I'd like to ask you something."</p>
<p>Sensing the seriousness in her tone, he sat up a little straighter and nodded.</p>
<p>She sighed, and then unfolded her hands, revealing the compass. "Do you know what this is?"</p>
<p>Steve hesitated a moment, then reached out and took it. She watched as he inspected it, unaware that she was holding her breath until she let it out when he thumbed the latch open. He tilted his head, watching the needle inside rotate as he moved the compass.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he said after a moment, looking up at her and pointing to the picture inside.</p>
<p>"Yes," Peggy agreed. "That's me. But do you recognize this?" She tapped a finger against the cover.</p>
<p>He looked at it again, running a thoughtful finger along the lip of the casing. "Steve," he said after a moment, but his inflection had just enough of a question to it that Peggy couldn't decide if he was saying it was his or asking if it was.</p>
<p>"It is yours," she said, when it seemed he wasn't going to say anything else until she responded.</p>
<p>He moved the compass to the nightstand, but didn't quite set it down. "Stay?" he asked tentatively.</p>
<p>"Yes, you can keep it," Peggy said, and he smiled. He set the compass down, adjusting it so that he'd be able to see the photograph when he laid down. He looked back at Peggy and smiled, that grateful smile he gave in lieu of the words 'thank you', which he had yet to manage to say.</p>
<p>That seemed to be the end of the matter, so Peggy picked up the book and read to him for a little while. She did ponder over it as she went back to her room to get ready for bed, though. His reaction had not been what she was expecting—she'd been hoping for recognition but prepared for him to shake his head and say 'no,' and she hadn't gotten either one. It would have done no good to press him, she knew, but she couldn't help but wonder. The tiny spark inside her that still hoped Steve might get his memories back felt as though it had gotten dimmer and brighter at the same time.</p>
<p>It was a couple of days later that what remained of the Howling Commandos arrived. They'd been somewhere in Eastern Europe, and while Dernier and Falsworth had had commitments to their respective countries' militaries, Dugan, Morita and Jones had been able to arrange for transportation Stateside. They'd spent the night in the city, were briefed by Colonel Phillips, and arrived not long after breakfast the following morning. Peggy went out into the courtyard to greet them.</p>
<p>"Pegs!" Dugan exclaimed happily, unfolding himself from the back of the car and picking her up in a bear hug. He beamed down at her as he set her back on the ground. "Wow, look at you, all…" He waved a hand up and down. "Wearing a dress and everything. You clean up good."</p>
<p>"Your flattery knows no bounds," Peggy told him. She smiled. "You're looking well yourself. It's good to see you."</p>
<p>"Hiya, Peggy!" Morita said, coming around the other side of the car. Though he and Gabe seemed as equally excited to see her as Dugan had been, they contented themselves with hearty handshakes by way of greeting.</p>
<p>"Oh, it is good to see you boys," Peggy told them. "How have you all been?"</p>
<p>"Not bad," Gabe replied. "Still sleeping in tents and living off k-rations, but it's nice not to be doing it in an active war zone anymore."</p>
<p>"And I think we can forget the tents and the k-rations for a while," Jim added, eyeing the house behind Peggy and letting out a low whistle. "It's one thing knowing Stark had money, but it's something else seeing it."</p>
<p>"Been looking forward to the chance to live the high life for a little while," Dugan added.</p>
<p>Peggy chuckled. "Well, you've certainly earned it. Howard has a private suite set up for each of you, and I think you'll find the kitchen very accommodating."</p>
<p>Dugan grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.</p>
<p>"So, uh," Jim started, his smile falling away. "How is he?"</p>
<p>"He's doing well," Peggy said. "All things considered. The Colonel briefed you on what happened?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Gabe said. "I just couldn't believe it when he told us he survived the crash, but then…" He shook his head.</p>
<p>"Doesn't seem fair, you know?" Jim finished for him. "After everything Steve did."</p>
<p>"No," Peggy agreed. She nodded to the house. "Would you like to see him?"</p>
<p>They nodded and followed her inside. The somber mood lifted a bit as they admired the opulence of the rooms they passed by, but Peggy could feel uncertainty settle back over them as they approached Steve's room.</p>
<p>"Steve?" She knocked on the side of the door frame, more to announce her presence than to ask permission to enter. He looked up from the drawing he was working on.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he said with a smile.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled back and stepped into the room. "You have some visitors today," she told him, gesturing behind her to the men entering the room in a manner far less sure of themselves than she had.</p>
<p>Steve set down his paper and pencil and folded his hands in his lap, looking up expectantly. She darted a quick glance back at the Commandos, but kept her eyes trained on Steve, watching his face carefully for any sign of recognition. None seemed to be forthcoming.</p>
<p>The three men seemed frozen in place behind her, but then Jim shook his head and stepped forward, smiling at his Captain. "Hey, there, Steve," he said warmly. "Do you remember me?"</p>
<p>Everyone waited with bated breath as Steve studied Jim carefully, and though Peggy had been expecting the shake of the head, it still hurt more than she thought it would.</p>
<p>"No," Steve finally said, his voice apologetic.</p>
<p>Jim's smile remained in place. "That's okay," he assured him, taking the seat by the bed and reaching over to clap him on the shoulder. "I'm Jim."</p>
<p>Steve studied him for a moment. "Jim," he repeated.</p>
<p>"That's right," Jim said. "We used to work together—us and those two over there," he added, gesturing at Dugan and Gabe. "But it's okay if you don't remember. You've got a lot going on. What's that you're working on?" he asked, pointing at Steve's drawing pad.</p>
<p>Steve reached over and picked up the pad, holding it out to Jim. "Bird," he explained, tapping the drawing. His vocabulary had continued to increase over the past couple of days, and he had a repertoire at the moment of about fifteen words.</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, I see it," Jim said, taking the pad and studying it. Steve's drawing skills had gotten better as he practiced with Ana. It was not a very good drawing of a bird, but it was recognizably a bird, and Ana had commented earlier that he was showing a good grasp of the concepts of things like shading and perspective, even if he was still having difficulty executing them.</p>
<p>"You've even got a little nest going here and everything," Jim went on. "That's why I was always a terrible artist—I never had the patience for something like all those little sticks." He handed the drawing back. "It's looking good."</p>
<p>Steve smiled, took the drawing back and set it back in its place, then looked over at Dugan and Gabe before looking back at Jim with a questioning raise of his eyebrows.</p>
<p>Jim chuckled. "Yeah, you wouldn't think those two were the type to storm a Nazi base with as shy as they're acting. You fellas gonna come say hi?"</p>
<p>That seemed to break them out of their reverie and they stepped forward. Jim waited a few seconds to make sure Steve seemed comfortable, then stepped back to where Peggy was standing so they didn't seem like they were crowding Steve.</p>
<p>"Very nicely done," Peggy told him softly. "I think you took that even better than I did."</p>
<p>"My grandmother has dementia," he replied. "She's pretty much non-verbal these days, so, I don't know, I guess I've had practice with the kind of conversations you have in that case. She doesn't remember me on most days either, but…" He sighed heavily. "It came on in stages, you know? Saw it coming. This hurts even more than that does," he finished softly.</p>
<p>Peggy reached over and squeezed his hand.</p>
<p>Gabe and Dugan had a bit more trouble keeping the conversation flowing as naturally as Jim had, but they made a good effort, and, like Jim, Peggy could see they were doing their best to speak to Steve normally, without talking down to him. She could tell Steve appreciated that.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis brought in morning tea, and they sat around and ate and drank and caught up. Steve mostly sat and listened, but they made sure to direct several of their remarks to him and include him in the conversation. They discussed the business of security after that, and it wasn't until Steve had fallen asleep after lunch that they really got the chance to truly react to the morning's meeting.</p>
<p>"I know Schmidt didn't personally do this to him, but if it hadn't been for him and the Valkyrie, none of this would have…" Dugan stopped and swallowed down a knot in his throat. "It's like he's getting in one last jab from beyond the grave."</p>
<p>"He really doesn't remember <em>anything</em>?" Gabe pressed.</p>
<p>"Nothing," Peggy said.</p>
<p>"It seems so…" Jim shook his head, trying to find the right words. "I mean, he's <em>alive</em>. That fact alone should be reason to celebrate. It feels selfish feeling hurt in light of all that."</p>
<p>"I've been struggling with that for weeks," Peggy admitted. She could never have said as much to Howard, and the Jarvises were lovely, but Peggy still hadn't known them for very long. But the Howling Commandos…They'd fought their way through hell together and come out battered but victorious on the other side, and Peggy knew what others might see as weak was safe with them.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'll bet," Dugan agreed. "You've been here since he woke up, and he wasn't even talking then, was he?"</p>
<p>"No," Peggy said.</p>
<p>Dugan shook his head. "This has got to be really hard on you," he said.</p>
<p>"It's hard on all of us," Peggy pointed out.</p>
<p>A sad smile twinkled in Dugan's eyes. "Yeah, but, Pegs, come on. You two were…" His voice wavered a little and he paused. "We all thought, after the war, you know, you two would finally get your chance."</p>
<p>"So did I," she whispered, unable to stop the words coming out.</p>
<p>Gabe was sitting closest to her, and he reached over and rested a hand on her arm, squeezing it warmly.</p>
<p>"But he's here," Peggy said, rallying herself. "And, as you've said, I've been here since he woke up. He's really made some remarkable progress. And he's going to keep getting better."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jim agreed. "I read Stark's report of when they found him." He shook his head in amazement. "I guess we shouldn't really surprised he's pulling through. Cap's always been a tough one."</p>
<p>They spent the afternoon familiarizing themselves with the house and the grounds. The three of them would be heading up the rest of the security team Phillips had sent over from the S.S.R. Peggy went over her plans with them for securing the house, but she spent the rest of the afternoon with Steve. She read to him, and they went out for a turn in the garden, where he gave a friendly wave to the boys when they passed them.</p>
<p>The three of them were taking it in shifts to be part of the patrols outside, and Jim was inside with Peggy and Steve that evening for dinner. He did a good job of keeping up a cheerful conversation, but Peggy saw the pained way he stared at Steve when Steve's attention was occupied elsewhere.</p>
<p>"It's going to take me a while to get used to this," he told her after Steve had fallen asleep. He nodded at Steve's head. "His head been bothering him like that since he woke up?"</p>
<p>Steve had complained of another headache during dinner, rubbing fretfully at the side of his head. "Yes," Peggy said. Jim had been the team's medic during missions, and she looked at him curiously. "Do you think that's normal at this stage? It's been over a month, and everything else has healed. Well, except for his leg, but Howard thinks the cast can come off tomorrow, actually."</p>
<p>Jim shrugged. "Who knows? I mean, Steve was always a special case with how he healed, but I wouldn't say the headaches surprise me. Considering what happened and all."</p>
<p>"That's what Howard keeps saying," Peggy said. "I suppose it's just with the way his brain scans keep changing, I keep waiting for the pain to go away."</p>
<p>"How often does he get scanned?" Jim wondered.</p>
<p>"Whenever Howard fancies it, I think," she said. She pointed to the blue hat that was pulled down over Steve's hair. "Howard sewed sensors into the lining of that, and I think the scans are nearly constant. It sends information down to his lab."</p>
<p>Jim's eyes widened. "Really? Wow, that's awesome." He chuckled. "Stark always came up with the most interesting stuff. You think he'd let me see the scans?"</p>
<p>"Sure," Peggy said. "I would imagine he's in the lab—he usually is in the evenings."</p>
<p>Jim nodded his farewell and left to find Howard. Peggy resumed her seat by Steve's bed, reaching over and picking up his hand. Seeing how Jim, Gabe and Dugan were hit by Steve's condition had put Peggy in rather a melancholy mood, for all that she really was glad to see them. It made her realize that for as difficult as this was, she was becoming accustomed to it in a way. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.</p>
<p>Steve scrunched up his face in his sleep and shifted, and Peggy leaned in and pulled his hat up to uncover his hair. Though it was still much shorter than he used to wear it, it had grown in nicely, and he had what could be called a proper head of hair at last. It grew somewhat crooked over the part where the scar from his surgery had been, giving him a bit of a cowlick, and Peggy stroked her fingers over it. She'd been right—his hair was ridiculously soft. She very much enjoyed running her fingers through it.</p>
<p>The lines in Steve's face softened as Peggy ran her fingers through his hair, and she smiled. Being able to comfort him with just a touch had yet to cease giving her an inordinate amount of pleasure. She wondered if it would ever grow old, and she hoped it wouldn't.</p>
<p>"Sleep, my darling," she whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead before resuming carding her fingers through his hair. "Everything is alright."</p>
<p>After breakfast the next morning, Howard appeared and declared that it was time for Steve's last cast to be removed. Steve had been focusing on his cup of tea and didn't really respond to Howard's declaration, but his eyes lit up when Howard sat down beside him and pulled out the little saw he'd used to remove Steve's other casts. Steve put his tea down and eagerly flipped back his blankets, shifting to bring his leg closer to Howard and rolling up the leg of his pajama pants.</p>
<p>Howard chuckled. "Oh, you're excited, huh? Well, I can't say I blame you. You've got to be itching to get up and go at this point." Steve stared at him expectantly, and Howard chuckled again. "Right, right. Less talking, more walking. Here we go."</p>
<p>He set to his work, and soon Steve's leg was free. Steve moved it cautiously, stretching out the stiff muscles, then looked up at Howard and grinned.</p>
<p>"Let's give it a try, huh?" Howard said.</p>
<p>Turning so that his legs were off the bed and his feet were resting on the floor, Steve sat there for a moment staring at his feet, then pushed up carefully off the mattress. He wobbled a little when he got upright, and Dugan shot out an arm to steady him. He repositioned his feet and Dugan let go, and Steve beamed when he stayed upright. The newly-freed leg was weaker than the other one after going unused for so long, trembling a bit when Steve put his weight on it and making his steps uneven, but he stayed upright and managed a few tottering steps in Howard's direction.</p>
<p>Still unable to say the words 'thank you', he nevertheless managed to be very expressive in his gratitude, laughing joyfully and pulling Howard into a crushing hug.</p>
<p>"You're welcome," Howard croaked when Steve let him go.</p>
<p>Steve was reluctant to return to his bed after so long in it, so the rest of the day was spent outside or exploring the house. Peggy and one of the Howlies was never far—his leg still needed some work to regain its old stability, and he tired easily, but his enthusiasm remained undaunted. By the end of the day, he could manage short distances on his own without assistance, and Peggy didn't think it would be more than a day or two at the outside until he could move around entirely unaided.</p>
<p>"Probably a good thing that leg was the only thing keeping him in bed now that he can walk again," Dugan chuckled. "You guys remember that Army hospital in Switzerland?"</p>
<p>Peggy laughed, and Jim snorted into his coffee. Steve had been at the hospital in question after a raid on a Hydra base had ended with an explosion that left a piece of a doorframe sticking out of his torso. He'd kept sneaking out of bed to try to join their strategy sessions because he felt fine, honest, and he healed quick and there was work to do. He'd torn his stitches at least twice, and it had taken some very creative threats from Bucky to get him to stay in bed.</p>
<p>"So, tell me more about Ivchenko," Peggy said. "I read the reports the Colonel had, but you've actually been engaged with him."</p>
<p>"Well, sort of," Gabe said. "We've never actually made contact. He's not too hard to track, but he's hard to catch."</p>
<p>"Can't figure out how he does it," Dugan growled. "He's always gone when we get there. We've caught several of his guys and cleaned up a lot of his messes, but we've yet to lay eyes on the good doctor himself."</p>
<p>"We think he's taking advantage of the power vacuum left by Schmidt and Zola being taken down," Jim said. "Ivhcenko wasn't on anybody's radar during the war, but he's been making more of a name for himself lately."</p>
<p>"What exactly has he been doing?" Peggy wondered.</p>
<p>"Well, that's the thing; he's kind of all over the map," Gabe said. "We know he used to work with Zola, and we've definitely got evidence that he's keeping up the human experimentation line."</p>
<p>"What's left of Hydra is still studying the serum," Dugan interrupted.</p>
<p>"But he's been involved in more military ops too," Gabe continued. "There's been equipment stolen from military bases, assassinations he's had a hand in…It's like he's trying to run the whole organization himself. And because Hydra is in such a mess right now, it's hard to figure out what his endgame is."</p>
<p>"If he's got one," Jim added. "I know I said he was taking advantage of the power vacuum, but I don't think he's one calling the shots. We don't have actual evidence, but we think he's communicating with Zola somehow."</p>
<p>"That's quite a theory," Peggy said. Even with the lack of evidence, she trusted the team's instincts enough to take it seriously. "Does the Colonel know?"</p>
<p>"We told him," Gabe said. "Wherever they're holding Zola, he's got people keeping a closer eye on him. As to whether or not that's working…" He shrugged. "All we can do is wait and see."</p>
<p>"Woulda been easier if you'd just shot him on the train," Dugan grumbled.</p>
<p>"I wasn't going to shoot an unarmed man who'd just surrendered," Gabe shot back with the air of a man who'd had the same argument several times.</p>
<p>Dugan inclined his head in concession, and Peggy sighed. "So, what makes the Colonel think he's coming after Steve?" she asked, bringing the discussion back around to the point.</p>
<p>"The fact that he's Stateside, for one," Gabe said. "Although, we didn't know why he was coming here. We actually thought he was after something of Stark's."</p>
<p>"Really?" That was the first Peggy had heard of it.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jim said. "We intercepted a few communications that talked about something valuable being kept on one of Stark's properties. With the timing of it, Phillips was the one who put the pieces together that it might be Steve." He arched a curious eyebrow. "Does Stark have anything else around that Hydra might want?"</p>
<p>"The things in that laboratory of his, I'd imagine so," Peggy replied. "We should work the lab into security considerations, but I think it's still likely that Steve is who he's after."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jim agreed. He chewed his lower lip thoughtfully. "What's the long term plan, here? As far as Steve goes, I mean. He's not going to live in Stark's guestroom for the rest of his life."</p>
<p>"To be honest, we haven't thought that far ahead," Peggy said. "Our focus has been on his recovery. He'll be here for some time yet, I'd imagine." For all the progress he was making, Steve certainly wasn't ready to be out in the world on his own.</p>
<p>On that note, they adjourned for the evening. Peggy spent a long time in the bath, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. She'd been so focused on the day-to-day, she really hadn't given what seemed like the distant future much thought. What <em>would</em> happen when Steve had recovered enough to regain some independence?</p>
<p>She was still thinking about it when she finished with her bath, and she wrapped herself up in her dressing gown and found herself drifting back into Steve's room. He was sleeping soundly, curled up on his side with his hat pulled down over his ears. There was something just so…soft and innocent about the way he looked when he slept. They'd been on enough missions together during the war that Peggy knew he'd looked the same when he slept back then too, it just seemed amplified now, somehow. She wanted to stretch out alongside him and wrap her arms around him and shield him from all the awful things that were out there.</p>
<p>As if he was aware someone was watching him, Steve opened his eyes, blinking curiously into the dark. "Peggy?" he yawned, when his eyes landed on her.</p>
<p>"Yes, it's me," Peggy said, stepping closer. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you."</p>
<p>He sat up and shook his head, dismissing the apology. "Alright?" he asked her. That was another word he'd picked up, and little wonder, with as often as people asked him if he was. His eyebrows wrinkled into that now familiar curious concern.</p>
<p>It was fair that he should ask, waking to find her staring at him in the dark. "I'm alright," she assured him. "I just suppose I have a lot on my mind. I needed to see you."</p>
<p>He nodded, then patted the space beside him on the mattress invitingly. Peggy came and sat beside him, and he looped an arm around her waist and tugged her a little closer to keep her from slipping off the edge. "Thank you," she told him with a smile. "I know you're the one who's still in recovery, but you do always know how to make me feel better."</p>
<p>He smiled and reached his other arm around to hug her. "Alright," he said again, and it was more of an invitation than a question this time. "Steve alright."</p>
<p>It was fascinating, really, the way he managed to infuse the few words he could say with such a variety of meaning, and while it was an unconventional way to express the sentiment, Peggy knew what he meant. "Yes," she agreed. Even before the accident, Steve had been someone she had always felt safe talking to. "You are alright, my darling." She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm just worried," she told him. "About vague parts of the future that aren't yet concrete enough for me to be able to do anything about."</p>
<p>He nodded for her to go on.</p>
<p>"I shudder to think what Ivchenko wants you for, and what he might do to you if he found you," she said. "And the fact that Hydra is even, well, that they're still this much of a problem. I know it takes time to get rid of something as pervasive as they were, but it feels like we should be farther along than this. And the thought that Zola is still somehow managing to pull on strings when he's locked up the way that he is…"</p>
<p>Peggy told him everything that was bothering her, from worry about Ivchenko and Zola's plans to the fear that no matter how well his recovery went, Steve's past might always be a danger to him.</p>
<p>"It's not necessarily the danger that worries me," she said as she finished. "As much as I dislike the idea of you being in danger, it's at least something concrete that I can do something about. It's all this uncertainty…" She sighed. "I don't like enemies that I can't see."</p>
<p>Steve rubbed a hand up and down her arm and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Any words of comfort seemed to be beyond his limited vocabulary to express, but Peggy felt better for sharing and sitting safe and secure in his arms. He lifted his hand up to brush her hair back, and Peggy smiled and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his fingers in her hair. She felt him press another gentle kiss to her forehead, then he started to hum softly. Peggy rather felt she'd heard the tune somewhere before, though she couldn't think where. She couldn't be bothered to worry about it, however—the tune was soft and sweet, Steve's arms were snug around her and his fingers felt heavenly in her hair, and she really was very tired. She shifted down a bit so she could hear Steve's heartbeat better and fell asleep.</p>
<p>After getting up and getting dressed the next morning, Peggy returned to Steve's room to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his face half-covered in shaving cream with Timothy Dugan shaving his face. "Do I want to ask?" she said, sitting down in her usual seat.</p>
<p>Dugan smiled but didn't take his eyes off of the blade he was running along Steve's jaw. Steve was arching his neck up and tilting his head to give Dugan better access, not looking particularly bothered by the whole thing. "He kept scratching his face, and he nodded when I asked if this five o'clock shadow was getting itchy. And I remembered how he always liked being clean-shaven before, so I figured I'd offer." He pulled the blade back a little and turned and looked at Peggy. "Were you helping him shave before? I know he never had much facial hair to speak of, but after, what, a month and a half? I figure there ought to be a little more peach fuzz on his face than this."</p>
<p>"I haven't actually," Peggy said, and that was something else she'd never really given much thought. She did recall that shaving wasn't something Steve had needed to do often, but Dugan made a good point about the length of time it had been since he'd come out of the ice.</p>
<p>"Jarvis," Steve said, surprising them both with what appeared to be a non-sequitur. He pointed to his face and mimed a shaving motion. "Jarvis," he said again.</p>
<p>"Oh, Mr. Jarvis has been helping you shave?" Peggy asked. It made sense, she supposed. Now that his limbs were no longer encased in plaster, Steve was permitted to bathe himself, but until the last cast had come off, Mr. Jarvis was the one who'd been helping him with the sponge baths necessitated by his casts. Evidently, he'd taken it upon himself to help out with that area of grooming as well. And it would explain why Steve seemed in no way alarmed by the blade so close to his face.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"Well, there you have it," Peggy said. She smiled. "The man really does think of everything."</p>
<p>"He is good," Dugan agreed. He lifted up a foot and pointed to it. "Woke up this morning to find he'd shined my boots without me asking <em>and</em> patched up the thin spot in the heel."</p>
<p>"He's a wonder," Peggy said. "And he makes the most delightful scones."</p>
<p>Steve cleared his throat to get Dugan's attention and pointed to the shaving cream still on his face. Dugan blinked, then barked out a laugh. "Yes, sir, Captain," he chuckled, saluting dramatically before leaning in to finish the job. Peggy laughed, and it was so quick she might have imagined it, but she thought Steve winked at her.</p>
<p>Once the shaving was over with, Steve shook Dugan's hand in gratitude, then stood up. "Out?" Steve asked, nodding to the yard outside the picture window.</p>
<p>"Yes, a walk sounds lovely," Peggy replied. Steve smiled and extended a hand, and if Dugan had anything to say about the fact that Peggy took it and interlaced her fingers with Steve's, he wisely said nothing.</p>
<p>They strolled outside at a leisurely pace, letting Steve decide where they would go. Even when he'd been able to move around in his wheelchair, his destinations had still been dictated by whoever was pushing it, and Peggy was glad to give him this little bit of freedom back. They ended up by the water feature with the fish pond, which seemed to be a favorite spot of his.</p>
<p>"You like it here, don't you?" Peggy asked as they sat down on the little stone bench.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"It is a nice spot," she agreed. They sat for a while and watched the birds and the fish, listening to the splashing of the water.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she asked him thoughtfully.</p>
<p>He turned to look at her.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" she asked. "What I mean is," she went on before he could answer. "I know we all ask you that a lot, but I don't mean just…" She sighed, not quite sure how to phrase what she wanted to say. "Since you don't seem to remember anything from before the accident, I don't know how much you…How much you might realize that you've lost. I don't know if there are things you want or wish you could have, and I suppose I just wonder…Are you happy?"</p>
<p>He studied her a moment, then furrowed his eyebrows in that way that meant he didn't understand.</p>
<p>"We're trying to do the best we can to help you," she tried to explain. "But if there's something more we could be doing, or something more you need…" She sighed again. "What I'm asking is, are you alright? Not if anything hurts, but if you're alright, you know, here," she finished, reaching out and resting a hand on his chest.</p>
<p>Steve's eyebrows furrowed again, but they were furrowed in thought this time, not confusion. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, and for the first time since he'd begun to speak, his limited vocabulary seemed to bother him.</p>
<p>"Have I asked too big of a question?" she wondered.</p>
<p>He held up one finger, still frowning in thought, indicating that she should wait. "Hurts," he said at last, tapping the side of his head, though the lack of pain in his eyes told her he didn't mean it hurt at this moment, but that he was troubled in general by the pain. He sighed and waved a hand in a gesture that seemed to encompass the world beyond the fish pond. "Hurts," he said again, then he tapped his chest this time, just above his heart. That was new, and it took Peggy a moment to work out what he meant. Once again, however, it was his eyes that told her what he was trying to say, and she felt her heart clench in her chest. He was frightened, not by anything in particular, but just by there being so much he didn't understand.</p>
<p>Before Peggy could work out what to say, a little smile quirked up the corners of his mouth—a smile that would have indicated a 'but' was coming if he had known the word. "Steve alright," he said, and he appeared to mean it. He reached out and picked up one of her hands in both of his. "Peggy he—here," he said, stumbling on the new word. He patted her hand. "Peggy here," he repeated. He pulled one of his hands back to tap his chest again. "Peggy here." He smiled. "Steve alright."</p>
<p>Peggy suddenly found it difficult to speak herself over the lump forming in her throat. "Really?" she asked softly. So many things wrong, and it was really as simple as all that?</p>
<p>Steve nodded, still smiling.</p>
<p>A watery laugh escaped Peggy's throat. Had he really…Did he really just say what she thought he had? "Alright, then," she said. "Well, I'm not going anywhere." She leaned closer and reached up to tap her own chest. "And I hope you know that you shall always be right here," she told him. "I love you too."</p>
<p>His smile widened, and Peggy closed the distance remaining between them and kissed him. He responded this time, kissing her back and lifting one hand to cup her face and pull her closer. His hand lingered on the side of her face for a moment after they broke apart and she smiled at the feeling of his fingers trailing along her cheek.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you're alright," she told him. "And I'm so glad that I—well, that I can help you be that way. I know we never actually got the chance to promise one another better or worse, but I would have. And I do. I shall always be here for you."</p>
<p>Steve smiled warmly and gave her a little nod that seemed to say he knew, and she smiled back and leaned over to rest against him. He slid an arm around her, and they sat and watched the fountain for a while longer.</p>
<p>Eventually, Steve had a headache come up that sent them back inside. He hadn't needed any medication beyond the painkiller for some time now, but Howard had left the IV port in his hand since that was the easiest way of delivering it. It was still there now even though he was free to walk around—the serum affecting Steve's metabolism complicated the issue, and Howard had yet to find a means of delivering the medication that worked as well as the IV. Steve sat down on the bed and held out his hand, and Peggy slid the IV needle into the port and clicked the button to start the flow. Steve closed his eyes and sagged down into the pillows, smiling a little as Peggy pulled his hat off and began stroking his hair.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, my darling," she told him. "Everyone keeps saying the headaches are expected, but I wish there was more we could do to stop them."</p>
<p>He felt better after lunch and they went outside again, then came back in for tea and spent a very amusing couple of hours watching Dugan attempt to teach him how to play Poker.</p>
<p>As they had done before, the days soon fell into a pattern once more, incorporating Jim, Gabe and Dugan into their schedule. While they were taking their job as security very seriously, there was usually at least one of them around off duty. Teaching Steve Poker had failed, but Dugan remained undaunted, and he would often sit for a bit with Steve and a deck of cards and teach him simpler games. He was also teaching Steve how to shuffle the cards, and he beamed like a father whose son had just taken his first steps when Steve successfully shuffled a deck without shooting cards all over the place. Jim mostly just sat and talked with Steve—Dugan and Gabe had gotten much better at it, but it came the most naturally from Jim. Gabe often caught up with Steve while he was outside and they would do some exercises together—he was teaching Steve a few basic fighting moves to help him with his balance and muscle coordination, and they all agreed that with Hydra still out there, knowing some of the basics couldn't hurt. They, like Peggy, had started getting used to Steve's condition, but she still saw the pained way they looked at him from time to time. She wondered if she did that too without realizing.</p>
<p>Howard hadn't been around as much for the past couple of days, and when he was, he seemed to be in a pensive mood. He spent a lot more time down in his lab, and Peggy imagined that whatever he was currently working on wasn't going well. He'd gotten that way during the war too, though Phillips had had a lot less patience for it.</p>
<p>As far as security went, things had been quiet. There had been no breaches, and news they received from outside about Ivchenko was slowing down. Instead of being taken as a good sign, the lack of news made them antsy, suspicious that this was the calm before the storm. Steve had picked up on their agitation, which made him nervous too. As they moved into the Howlies' second week on the property, they were rather a tense household.</p>
<p>That night, Peggy woke up very abruptly and completely, all her senses on high alert. There was nothing detectable wrong, but this instinct had never been wrong in the war, and she trusted it. She reached under her pillow for her gun and picked up the walkie-talkie on the night stand. "Jim?" she said quietly. "Give me a report. Report," she repeated when none was forthcoming. Nothing, nor was there anything from Gabe or Dugan when she tried them. Either they weren't responding or something was keeping her radio from working, and either one was bad.</p>
<p>The first thing she needed to do was to make sure Steve was secure, so she got out of bed and headed for the door that connected their rooms. She reached for the doorknob and stopped—someone was speaking on the other side of the door. She couldn't quite hear it through the wood, but it didn't sound like Steve.</p>
<p>Gripping the doorknob tightly to keep it quiet, she eased the door open as silently as she could. Steve's bedside lamp was on, and he was sitting up in bed. In front of him a man stood speaking to him softly. Steve was staring up at the man with wide, glazed-over eyes, his jaw hanging slack. Peggy stepped to the side to line up a better shot and realized Steve was staring not at the man, but at the ring on his hand that he was twisting back and forth deliberately.</p>
<p>"That's right," the man was saying, a Russian inflection to his words. "You just need to focus. You see how the pain goes away? Focus on the sound of my voice."</p>
<p>"That's enough," Peggy said, stepping farther into the room.</p>
<p>The man swung his head around to look at her, and Steve followed suit a bit more slowly.</p>
<p>"Step away from him," Peggy warned.</p>
<p>"Agent Carter," the man (who could only be Ivchenko) said, smiling at her in a way she didn't like. "Of course." He raised his hands and took a couple of steps back from Steve.</p>
<p>"Steve, come over here to me," Peggy said, not sure what Ivchenko had done to make him look like that but knowing she needed to get as much distance between them as she could.</p>
<p>Steve stood up, looking confused, then he looked over at Ivchenko for confirmation.</p>
<p>"Stay here," Ivchenko told him. "We need to be going."</p>
<p>Steve nodded and made no further moves, and a fearful knot rose up in Peggy's throat. "Steve," she said, much more calmly than she felt. He looked at her questioningly. She took one hand off her gun and held it out, beckoning him forward. "Listen to me. I need you to come over here, alright?"</p>
<p>"You must retain your focus, Steve," Ivchenko said, stepping so that Steve was between him and Peggy's gun. "Focus." The movement drew Steve's eyes away from Peggy and back to him, and Ivchenko reached down and twisted his ring again. Steve blinked lethargically. "Remember?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded slowly.</p>
<p>"Steve, no, don't listen to him!" Peggy said, revulsion and fear twisting in her gut. What the hell had Ivchenko done?! She shifted to bring him back into firing range, but he kept moving so that Steve blocked her shot.</p>
<p>"It's time to be going, Captain," Ivchenko said, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder and moving for the door.</p>
<p>Peggy had barely taken a step to leap after them when something hard crashed painfully into her side, knocking her to the floor. She shook her head, seeing stars, and thought she saw Steve hesitate as he followed Ivchenko to the door. "Peggy?"</p>
<p>"Do not worry," came Ivchenko's voice, and Peggy rolled to the side to avoid a foot coming down at her face. "What Agent Carter and Miss Underwood are doing is nothing you need to worry about. All you must do is focus on the sound of my voice."</p>
<p>Peggy missed what happened next as her assailant—Miss Underwood, evidently—leapt at her again, and she had to shift her focus or risk getting her head taken off. She'd lost her gun in her fall to the floor, so she launched her counter-attack with her fists and her feet. She quickly realized that escape wasn't an option—she would have to incapacitate her attacker if she was going to have any hope of getting away to go after Steve, so she pulled her thoughts away from him and focused solely on the fight.</p>
<p>Whoever Miss Underwood was, she was good. She was about Peggy's size—a bit taller, but a bit thinner as well—but the strength of her blows made Peggy feel as though she was fighting with Dugan. Underwood was fast too—every attack Peggy launched, she was already moving to block it or avoid it. Still, Peggy was nothing if not adaptable, and by switching up her style, she was able to get several good hits in herself.</p>
<p>She finally got in an opening to land a good solid kick to her opponent's chest. Underwood flew backward, crashing through the window in a spray of glass, and Peggy turned and sprinted in the direction Steve and Ivchenko had gone. When she hit the foyer, the front doors flung wide open showed her the two of them getting into a car in the courtyard. "STEVE!" she yelled. He turned and looked back at the house, confusion furrowing its way through the glazed look that had settled over his face again. Then something hit her hard in the back and she was on the floor again.</p>
<p>Peggy hadn't been expecting Underwood to catch up that fast, but she rolled with the motion and got out from under her, avoiding the fist that would have struck her in the face. She threw a leg up and hooked it around Underwood's neck, slamming her into the floor and rolling with the momentum so that she was pinning her to the floor instead.</p>
<p>Underwood chuckled. "Oh, you're good," she said in a surprisingly American accent. Instead of trying to buck Peggy off, she rolled abruptly to the side and slammed Peggy into the open door. Peggy kept hold of Underwood's ankle as she wriggled away, knocking her down again. Underwood kicked back with her other foot and Peggy wrenched her head to the side, taking the hit to the shoulder instead.</p>
<p>She yanked hard on Underwood's leg, pulling her back and leaping forward to land with her knees in her back. Peggy reached forward for her neck with both hands, thinking she could get her in a chokehold, when she felt something sharp stabbing into her thigh. She looked down and saw a syringe sticking up out of the leg of her pajama bottoms, Underwood's hand wrapped around it. Something heavy and cold as lead swam through her veins, and she toppled over sideways off Underwood's back and onto the floor.</p>
<p>The world was swimming as Underwood stood up, kicking Peggy roughly in the stomach to roll her over. Peggy flopped over heavily and realized that the motion had shoved her to the side of the door and out of Steve's line of sight. She could just see him around the edge of the door, and though he looked rather blurry, he appeared to have come back towards the house. Underwood was standing up and walking away, and words were a bit muddled and thick, but Peggy thought she could hear Ivchenko complaining that she'd used up the sedative on Peggy and Underwood pouting that she thought he'd wanted out of there quickly. She couldn't make out his response, but he was using that tone again that made Steve turn around and walk back to the car. Then the blurriness got too fuzzy to see through and everything went dark for a while.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Well, that's not good.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, well, after that cliffhanger, time for Peggy and boys to pull themselves together, figure out what the hell just happened, and see what they can do about a rescue mission.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
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<p>The first time Peggy woke up, there were voices loud and frantic somewhere above her and people tugging on her limbs. Her eyes might have opened, though she wouldn't have sworn they had, and she should probably know that face staring at her, but thinking was too much trouble.</p>
<p>The next time Peggy woke up, it was much softer and quieter. It was lighter as well, and after pondering that for a moment, she realized it was daylight. The face was there again, and this time she had the wherewithal to recall the name that went with it.</p>
<p>"Jim?" she croaked.</p>
<p>"Hey," Jim greeted with a relieved smile, and now that Peggy could see him properly, she could see that there was a large purple bruise swelling his left eye shut. Perhaps that was why she'd had trouble recognizing him earlier. "No, don't get up yet," he told her as she started to move, and she groaned and agreed with him.</p>
<p>"Why does everything hurt?" she asked. She was in a bed and it was comfortable, but the majority of her anatomy was protesting its existence.</p>
<p>He chuckled ruefully. "You just about got the tar beat out of you by Ivchenko's ninja lady before she drugged you with something that would have put Steve on the ground. You've been out cold for almost twelve hours."</p>
<p>"Steve," Peggy rasped, her pulse quickening as she remembered what happened. "Where is he? Did he—"</p>
<p>"They got away," Jim said.</p>
<p>"Do we know where?"</p>
<p>"Working on it," Jim said. He sighed. "Took us a little while to pull ourselves together."</p>
<p>"Tell me everything that happened," Peggy ordered, struggling to push herself up on limbs that still felt weighted down with lead and finally accepting Jim's help. "And where the hell were you all last night?"</p>
<p>"Here, drink this," Jim said, holding up a glass of water with a straw. "I'm not stalling," he huffed when she glared. "I'll tell you, but you need to drink this."</p>
<p>Her throat <em>was</em> dry and scratchy, so she leaned forward enough to take the straw in her lips. "Go on," she said before taking a drink.</p>
<p>Jim sighed again and slumped down a little, though he kept the glass steady for her. "So, last night, I was walking my circuit. Everything was quiet; checked in with Gabe, and he was good too. I heard a car out on the road, and it sounded like it was coming toward the gate, so I started moving that way in case it was something and Dugan needed backup. When I got there, the gate was open and the car was driving in. I asked Dugan what was going on and he punched me."</p>
<p>"He did what?"</p>
<p>"He punched me," Jim replied. "Three times. I blacked out a little and when I woke up, I was tied to the gate."</p>
<p>"Dugan punched you?"</p>
<p>Jim nodded.</p>
<p>Peggy gaped for a moment, unable to wrap her head around this information, then she sat up with a gasp as lightning flashed across her brain. "Ivchenko," she said. "He's some sort of, of hypnotist," she said, recalling the way he'd spoken to Steve last night and Steve's dazed compliance. "He did something to Steve as well, just talking and playing with his ring, and Steve followed him out to the car looking half-asleep."</p>
<p>Jim nodded. "We thought it might be something like that. Dugan looked kind of out of it right before he hit me, but all he can remember is Ivchenko asking him to open the gate."</p>
<p>"He didn't leave with Ivchenko?"</p>
<p>"No, he's in his room. Ivchenko got him to take care of the rest of security, and then Stark said he found him standing in the courtyard just looking confused. He's got a hell of a headache now, but he's himself again."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "So, he tied you to the gate?" she prompted.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jim said. He moved the glass so the straw bumped against her lips, and she took another drink. "I don't think I was out long, because I saw Ivchenko leaving. The ninja assassin lady was driving, and Ivchenko was in the backseat with Steve. Steve looked…Not so good. Not hurt," he hurried to add when he realized how that might have sounded. "But, yeah, he was somewhere a long way off."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded grimly. "Where's Gabe?"</p>
<p>"Down in the lab with Stark. Dugan didn't rough him up too bad, so he's trying to help Stark figure out what they took. Looks like it was a two for one trip for him," Jim said. "He got Steve and he got something else, but the lab is such a wreck, they're still trying to figure out what."</p>
<p>"Are the Jarvises alright?"</p>
<p>"They're fine. Locked in their room, but not hurt."</p>
<p>Peggy took a few minutes to think this over. "Well, I suppose now we know how Ivchenko has been getting in and out of places so easily," she sighed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I don't think any of us ever thought of hypnotism as an option," Jim agreed. He sighed and looked her over. "You don't have anything broken, and you're lucky not to have a concussion, but you're going to need to take it easy for a little while."</p>
<p>"We have to go after Steve," she pointed out.</p>
<p>"I know," he said. "And if you think I'm going to try to keep you from doing that, then I'm insulted you think so little of my intelligence. But we don't know where he is yet, and you still have a hell of a lot of that drug in your system. You may as well stay in bed until we figure things out." A tiny smirk quirked up one corner of his mouth. "I don't even have to threaten you to stay in bed—you try walking anywhere right now, and you'll be facedown in the carpet in about two steps."</p>
<p>Peggy glowered, but she could feel he was right. She felt as though she weighed a thousand pounds. "How long do you think it will last?"</p>
<p>He inclined his head thoughtfully. "Rest of the day, I'd imagine."</p>
<p>"Jim, we can't wait that long to—"</p>
<p>"Peggy, we have no idea where they are," he said, cutting her off. "Even if you could move, we wouldn't know where to go. We're going to come in here and work on our plans here where you can help, but if we don't go after Steve today, it's not going to be because of you."</p>
<p>Peggy knew he was right, but Steve had already been with Ivchenko for twelve hours, and she hated the thought of him having him a second longer. "Jim," she said, her voice not as steady as she would like. "He can't…He can't defend himself right now. We were supposed to keep him <em>safe</em>."</p>
<p>"I know," Jim said quietly.</p>
<p>"He trusted me," she whispered.</p>
<p>"We'll find him," Jim insisted. "If we can find him in the Arctic wasteland, we can find him in New York." He smiled. "It's a hell of a lot less ground to cover."</p>
<p>Despite herself, Peggy smiled.</p>
<p>"We'll find him," Jim said again.</p>
<p>"Yes, we will," Peggy agreed.</p>
<p>Peggy thought she could manage the glass of water by herself now, so she sent Jim to fetch everyone else and settled back against the pillows behind her with a groan. Everything ached, but if pain was the price of regaining use of her limbs, she would take it.</p>
<p>Gabe and Howard arrived first, looking grim, followed by the Jarvises and then finally Dugan, who looked miserable. "Are you alright?" Peggy asked, wondering how badly the hypnotism hangover was hurting him.</p>
<p>"Fine," he sighed. "I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>It would seem the misery was guilt, not pain, and Peggy reached over and squeezed his hand. "It's not your fault," she told him.</p>
<p>He nodded his thanks but didn't look entirely as though he believed her.</p>
<p>"Has anyone notified Phillips?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>Gabe nodded. "First thing we did. He's got people at all the airports, train stations and bus stations, the docks and all the major roads out of town."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "I can see why you were so certain he's still in New York," she said with a nod at Jim. "It's not impossible to leave, of course, but that does make it more difficult." She turned to Dugan. "Do we have any idea how long this hypnosis lasts?"</p>
<p>"Well, things are fuzzy, but I think I was under for about half an hour," he said. "Why?"</p>
<p>"Before I passed out, I heard Ivchenko complaining to Underwood that she'd used the sedative up on me. If it was meant for Steve and the hypnosis was going to wear off, I'd imagine they couldn't go too far."</p>
<p>"Probably, but let's not forget Ivchenko left Dugan here. Steve is with him, so he could probably keep it going if he needs to re-up it," Howard pointed out. "Although I still think you're right—scientifically speaking, there would be a lot of unknown variables for Ivchenko as far as Steve goes, so he'd probably want to get him somewhere secure sooner rather than later."</p>
<p>"Let's start at the beginning and lay everything out so no one is missing anything," Peggy said.</p>
<p>Dugan nodded and told them about Ivchenko arriving at the gate, and Howard asked him several questions about how it felt to be hypnotized. Peggy wanted to snap and tell him this was hardly the time to satisfy his scientific curiosity, but she held her tongue. It might be information they would need when they found Steve.</p>
<p>After that, Peggy told them about waking up, everything she saw, and her fight with Underwood. Jim took over the story from there, and then Gabe and the Jarvises told their side of things.</p>
<p>"Right," Peggy said. "Do we know what he took from your lab?" she asked Howard. "That might help us work out if he came for Steve and the lab was a bonus, or if it was the other way around. Or if he had two targets all along."</p>
<p>Howard frowned. "It's hard to tell, because whichever of them it was that ransacked the lab, they made a mess of it. It looks like a tornado hit it. I still haven't finished cataloging what's there."</p>
<p>"It couldn't have been a diversion, could it?" Dugan wondered. "Maybe they didn't take anything from the lab, but they're splitting our focus by making us check."</p>
<p>"It's a possibility," Howard agreed. "Although it seems like a risky move as far as timing goes."</p>
<p>"What about finding Steve?" Peggy asked. "What ideas do we have?"</p>
<p>"Phillips sent me all the chatter we have on Ivchenko and anything about Hydra in the city," Gabe said, holding up a thick manila folder. "I'm going through it to see what kind of locations pop up; see if there are any clues for likely safehouses."</p>
<p>"What about tracking the car?"</p>
<p>"I pulled the license plate from the security camera by the entrance," Mr. Jarvis said. "I've sent it to the police as well as given it to your S.S.R. agents."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Peggy said.</p>
<p>"It's almost a shame he didn't steal one of Mr. Stark's cars," he added. "Those all come equipped with tracking devices."</p>
<p>"Really?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>"Occasionally, Mr. Stark finds…alternate means of transportation, and I need to come collect the car," Mr. Jarvis said delicately.</p>
<p>Dugan snorted in amusement.</p>
<p>"What is it, Ana?" Peggy asked, noticing that Mrs. Jarvis was frowning to herself thoughtfully.</p>
<p>"Well," Ana said pensively. "It might be a silly suggestion since I don't understand how it all works, but what Edwin said about tracking the car made me think—what about the hat that Mr. Stark made for him? Is the technology in the sensors anything that could be traced?"</p>
<p>They all turned to look at Howard, who was gaping back at Ana. Peggy could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "Oh, Ana Jarvis, I could kiss you," he declared, then jumped up and ran from the room.</p>
<p>"I'm guessing that's a 'yes'," Jim chuckled.</p>
<p>"What an excellent idea," Peggy said. Ana smiled.</p>
<p>They spent a while then going through the reports that Gabe had, comparing notes and maps and charts. They'd narrowed it down to a few likely areas by the time Mr. Jarvis brought dinner in, although Peggy found herself struggling to keep her eyes open after the meal.</p>
<p>"It's the sedative," Jim told her, taking her plate from her hands before it slid to the floor. "I told you it was strong enough to knock Steve out. I'm not surprised it's still hitting you."</p>
<p>"Can't you do anything to move it along?" Peggy complained. It was bad enough being confined to bed while everyone else seemed to be dashing about, but the fog in her brain made her feel utterly useless.</p>
<p>"No," Jim said. He smiled, like he knew what she was thinking. "You ought to be alright in the morning. Just get some sleep, alright? I promise I'll wake you up if anything important happens."</p>
<p>Peggy wanted to argue, but her body had other ideas. "I can still help," she protested.</p>
<p>"Pegs, your eyes are shut," Jim said.</p>
<p>She wanted to continue arguing, but he was right, they were, and she was very tired. "Tell Phillips to warn everyone at the airports and everything about how Ivchenko can just talk his way through things," she muttered, realizing that the thought that had just occurred to her was probably too important to save until she woke up again.</p>
<p>Jim patted her head. "On it."</p>
<p>Gabe woke her up at one point to tell her they had worked out that what had been stolen from Howard's lab was all his notes on the Tesseract. Fortunately, the cube itself was elsewhere, and Phillips had confirmed it was secure. Jim woke her some time later to inform her that the police had found the car, empty and abandoned, near a used car lot. Likely one of the used cars had been stolen to replace it, so the police were attempting to find and wake the owner of the lot. She appreciated his keeping his promise to keep her in the loop.</p>
<p>It was morning when she woke up again, feeling a bit sluggish but finally clear-headed. No one was in the room with her to protest her getting out of bed, so she stood up and began some experimental stretching. The motion cleared the lingering heaviness from her limbs, though it did also alert her to the bruises that had blossomed up as she slept. The shoulder where she had been kicked was very sore, as was the left side of her rib cage, but it was nothing that would prevent her from moving. She'd fought with worse during the war, and was confident that she would be ready for any action when it came.</p>
<p>She showered and dressed quickly before setting out to find the others. Out of habit, she checked Steve's room first. The glass from the broken window had been cleaned up and a sheet of plastic fastened over it until it could be replaced, but that was the only sign that anything had happened in the room at all. Otherwise, it looked as it always did, as if Steve was perhaps out in the garden and would come back later.</p>
<p>He <em>would</em> come back. Peggy would make sure of that. On impulse, she picked up his compass from where it still sat on the bedside table and put it into her pocket. It was all she had left of him at the moment, and she wanted to keep it close until she had all of him once again.</p>
<p>She found Howard and Jarvis in the lab. The Commandos were all asleep—they'd done everything they could with the intelligence they had by about one o'clock this morning, and decided to get some rest until something new came in or Howard finished his tinkering, whichever came first. It was a good idea—they would need to be sharp when they went after Ivchenko—but Peggy wasn't too worried about the fact that Howard had been up all night. It was a common habit of his when he was working on something, and he wouldn't be joining the mission anyway.</p>
<p>"How's it coming?" she asked.</p>
<p>Howard waved a hand in her direction and muttered something about transistors.</p>
<p>"I believe we are nearing the moment where we discover if we were successful or not," Mr. Jarvis replied. He finished whatever he was doing with a pair of wires and moved around to where Peggy was standing. "Can I offer you some breakfast while you wait?"</p>
<p>"If it's not too much trouble," Peggy said.</p>
<p>"Of course." He moved for the door.</p>
<p>"Has there been any news from the Colonel?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Not as yet," Mr. Jarvis replied. He looked down at his wristwatch. "Corporal Jones should be back with the newest updates by seven-thirty."</p>
<p>Peggy checked her own watch. Twenty minutes. Plenty of time to eat and catch up on anything else she might have missed.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis returned with a tray of breakfast for her and one for Howard. Jim and Dugan came in behind him, both carrying their own trays as well. There wasn't much she had missed, so it didn't take her long to get up to speed. As they ate, Gabe came in with the new reports, and they read through them as they worked.</p>
<p>"So, it looks like the cops figured out which car was stolen from the lot," Dugan said around a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "Found it abandoned here," he added, tapping a section of the map that had been highlighted in purple pencil as one of the possible areas Ivchenko might have gone. "No other reports of cars being stolen in the area."</p>
<p>"Do we think they're still there?" Jim wondered. "They could have had a car waiting, or walked to the subway." He tapped the map in the purple section. "There's an entrance a block from where the car was."</p>
<p>"It's a possibility," Peggy mused. "Though I believe they would be a noticeable crowd on the subway." She considered. "I think it's worth checking the area out."</p>
<p>"Mm, I don't know," Gabe said. "It's kind of a rookie mistake to ditch a stolen vehicle and then hang around. And everything we've seen so far of these two suggest they aren't rookies."</p>
<p>"Exactly," Peggy said. "What if they're clever enough to know that we would think it was a rookie mistake and discount the area?"</p>
<p>"Huh," Gabe said. "Now, there's a thought."</p>
<p>"This area was in our top three last night anyway," Peggy said. Several of the street names had come up more than once in captured messages, and it included two apartment buildings set to be demolished in the near future, which left a great deal of empty real estate for Hydra to play about in.</p>
<p>"Won't hurt anything to look anyway," Jim said, and Peggy could tell that he, like her, was itching to do <em>something</em>.</p>
<p>"Ah hah!" Howard exclaimed from the table he'd been working at. He flung himself in their direction and snatched up the nearest writing utensil as he crashed into their table and knocked Dugan's plate to the floor.</p>
<p>"Hey!" Dugan complained.</p>
<p>"There!" Howard declared, scribbling furiously at the map. "It's not exact, but I think for a spur of the moment invention with no sleep, a three-block radius is pretty good."</p>
<p>They all leaned in to look at the chaotic yellow squiggle he had added to the map. It sat just inside the purple area they'd been contemplating.</p>
<p>"Looks like smart enough to think we'll ignore it it is," Gabe chuckled.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Compared to the entirety of New York City, a three-block radius was a miniscule amount of property to search. On foot, however, it was turning out to be a much larger task. As they cleared another section, Peggy reconsidered their decision not to have any of Phillips' men join them in the search. They had wanted to keep the most obvious means of escape locked down anyway, and they had worried that too many people searching would draw attention. But after two hours with no success, Peggy's nerves were starting to fray.</p>
<p>As they moved to the next building, Peggy saw two little girls playing on the sidewalk in front of the apartment opposite them and watching them curiously. One of them leaned over to whisper to the other one, and Peggy got a sudden burst of inspiration. "Wait here," she told the boys.</p>
<p>She crossed the street towards the girls. They were watching her warily, but didn't run away. "Hello," Peggy said brightly. They stared at her. She crouched down so she was closer to their level and smiled. "I wonder if you could help me."</p>
<p>The girls looked at one another, then back at Peggy. "Mama said we're not s'posed to talk to strangers," the little one declared.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "That's very wise. But I'm not a stranger." She pulled her S.S.R. badge from her pocket. "I'm a detective."</p>
<p>The girls leaned in to study the badge, looking impressed. "We can talk to detectives, I think," the bigger one decided. "If you're tryin' to catch a bad guy or something."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "I am. I'm trying to find a kidnapper."</p>
<p>The girls gasped.</p>
<p>"And you two look as though you know this place well," she went on. "I wonder if you might remember seeing someone new. Someone you haven't seen around before."</p>
<p>"Well, there's a bus stop right there," the little one said, pointing to the left. "We see new people at the bus stop most days."</p>
<p>"I don't think who I'm looking for would have been on a bus," Peggy said. "I'm looking for an older man—you might think he was someone's grandfather. He was with a tall, thin woman with blond hair."</p>
<p>"I haven't seen a lady like that," the older one said. "But I did see a grandpa-lookin' guy yesterday morning walking with a guy who was wearing pajamas."</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah!" the little one piped up. "I 'member him! I thought it was funny that he was wearing his pajamas outside."</p>
<p>"Where did you see them?" Peggy asked, hope trilling up her spine.</p>
<p>"Over there," the older girl said. "That red building." She pointed to a red brick apartment building at the end of the block, and the little one echoed the gesture. "It has a sign on the door that says con…con-denned. Mama said that means it's not safe to live in, an' she said too that we shouldn't go in there 'cause sometimes crazy people hide in places like that." She frowned thoughtfully. "I didn't think the guy in his pajamas looked crazy, but he did look kinda sick."</p>
<p>"Have you seen them since then?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Nuh uh," she replied, shaking her head vigorously and whipping her pigtails back and forth.</p>
<p>"Did we do good?" the little one asked eagerly. "Will that help you find the bad guy?"</p>
<p>"You've been very helpful," Peggy told them. "Thank you very much." She reached into her pocket and pulled out two dollar bills, handing one to each girl. Their jaws dropped and their eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets.</p>
<p>"Wow! Thank you!" they exclaimed.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "You're welcome. And thank <em>you</em>." She looked back over at her team, then at the girls again. "I'm not sure what's going to happen when we find the bad guys, but it might be safer if the two of you went back to your house for a while."</p>
<p>They nodded in awe and hurriedly picked up the jacks they'd been playing with, though they kept looking back over their shoulders at her as they walked away.</p>
<p>"What was that about?" Dugan asked when she came back.</p>
<p>"They saw a man who looked like a grandfather and a 'guy in pajamas who looked sick' go into the building at the end of the block yesterday," Peggy said.</p>
<p>"Sounds like we're on the right track, then," Jim said.</p>
<p>"Indeed," Peggy agreed. "Let's go."</p>
<p>Though the outside of the red brick building seemed to be in a general state of disrepair and the lobby looked as though it might crumble to dust around them, once they passed farther into the building, there didn't appear to be anything wrong with the place. Everything was empty but clean, and it had the feel more like that of an office building empty for the night than a condemned apartment complex.</p>
<p>"Maybe Hydra's been using this place for longer than we thought," Jim mused, looking down the hallway at the row of doors in front of them. The lights were on, and Peggy thought she could hear the hum of an air vent somewhere. "It seems a little lived-in for an emergency hideout."</p>
<p>"I think given that we're going in against a hypnotist, splitting up is probably a bad idea," Gabe said, eyeing the stairs to their left. "So, how do we want to search the place? Up or down?"</p>
<p>They all looked at Peggy. "Down, I think," she decided. They were on the ground floor, but there was still a set of stairs leading down. "We should clear this floor first so no one sneaks up on us, but the lack of windows lower down makes it a better place to lock someone up and keep away from prying eyes at the same time."</p>
<p>"And if they've read up on Cap, they know a window being several stories off the ground is not a deterrent to him jumping out to escape," Dugan added.</p>
<p>Stationing Dugan at the front of the hall, the rest of them made cautious but quick work of searching the first floor. There were more signs of life here—several of the apartments seemed to be functioning as offices, and Peggy made a mental note to have an intelligence team come back through them later. Jim appeared to have been right, that this was a well-established base, which Peggy suspected meant they were going to run into more than just Ivchenko and Underwood. The others had reached the same conclusion, everyone holding their weapons ready.</p>
<p>The floor was cleared without incident, so they turned their attention to the stairs. They bent away out of sight before reaching the bottom, so Jim slunk down to the landing to take a peek. "One guy at the bottom," he reported quietly when he came back.</p>
<p>Peggy didn't want to lose the element of surprise this early on if they didn't have to, so going down with guns blazing wasn't the way to go. "I've got it," she said. She waved them back up to the top of the stairs, tucked her gun inside her shirt, and started walking down the stairs, making no attempt to be quiet.</p>
<p>"Sugar?" she called, putting on an uptown Manhattan accent. "Sugar, are you down here? Come back to Mama; this isn't funny! Oh!" As she rounded the bend, she missed a step and stumbled downward, right into the arms of the guard who instinctively moved to catch her.</p>
<p>"Oh, goodness," Peggy breathed, brushing her hair back out of her face. "That was quite a catch, mister!"</p>
<p>"What are you doing down here?" he asked suspiciously, pushing her back to stand up straight.</p>
<p>"I was just looking for my dog," Peggy said. "She pulled the leash right outta my hand and ran in here!" She craned her neck to scan the hall behind him. While there were probably more people in the building, he was the only one in the hall. Good. "You didn't see a little Yorkie run by here, did you?"</p>
<p>"No," he told her. "Ma'am, you're not supposed to be down here."</p>
<p>"Oh, I know; I saw the sign, but I couldn't leave my poor puppy in here all alone!" she pouted. "You really didn't see her?"</p>
<p>"No dogs down here."</p>
<p>"Alright," she sighed. She smiled up at him. "Thanks for catching me. I could have broken my neck." She leaned in and rested a hand on his arm. "A girl could get used to falling into arms like these."</p>
<p>He smiled back at her and the last of the suspicion relaxed out of his muscles. Peggy smiled wider and slid her hand farther up his arm, then she was grabbing his shoulder and swinging herself around onto his back, tightening her arm in a chokehold. She locked her legs around his chest to keep him from shoving her off, and after twenty seconds, he was slumping into a boneless heap on the floor.</p>
<p>"Remind to watch out if you ever start flirting with me," Dugan said with a low whistle.</p>
<p>"As long as you have that mustache, I would be suspicious of <em>any</em> flirting," Peggy told him. She pointed down at the unconscious guard at her feet. "Be a dear and move this upstairs, would you?"</p>
<p>After restraining the guard and tucking him away somewhere out of sight, they regrouped at the bottom of the stairs. The hallway before them wasn't that long—Peggy only counted six doors—but it forked off into two other corridors at the end. "Right," Peggy mused, thinking quickly. Searching room by room would take time and would eventually lead to trouble when they came across an occupied room. They were already at a disadvantage with not knowing the layout, but forcing their opponents to come to them would even things up a bit. "You two cause a distraction," Peggy told Dugan and Gabe. "As much noise and damage as you can manage, and do as much of it as you can while staying out of sight. Get them running around and keep them guessing."</p>
<p>They nodded.</p>
<p>"Jim and I will look for Steve," she said. Three of them causing a distraction would be more effective, but there were too many unknowns to make going off on her own anything other than foolish. And, not knowing what Ivchenko had been up to, she might well need Jim's medical knowledge when she found Steve.</p>
<p>"Keep in contact," she went on. She held up her radio. "Three clicks every two minutes." That had been a frequent move during raids in the past. When stealth was required, three quick bursts of static were far less likely to be heard by unwanted ears than voices were. "Stay sharp—Underwood is likely here somewhere and is more dangerous than she looks. If you come across Ivhcenko, don't let him talk—and if the only way to stop him doing that is to kill him, don't hesitate." He would have been a valuable prisoner, but Peggy would rather lose out on potential intel than run the risk of him turning them on each other.</p>
<p>They nodded. "Yes, ma'am," Dugan said.</p>
<p>"Find Cap," Gabe said. "We've got your back."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, then she and Jim moved for the hallway furthest from the stairs. The other one pointed back in the direction of the street and likely led to an alternate exit, which made it unlikely to be where they were keeping Steve—prisoners were generally kept as far from potential escape routes as possible.</p>
<p>There was more life in this hallway—Peggy could hear voices coming from behind closed doors, and she and Jim ducked into an open room when one of the doors at the far end of the hall opened. She tucked herself under the desk and Jim slid behind the open door as footsteps came their way. Two men discussing what to do for lunch passed by, then Jim eased the door he was hiding behind shut as the footsteps faded. He did a quick scan of the room while Peggy got out from underneath the desk and gave a quick look at the papers scattered across the top. Shipping manifests and a travel timetable of some sort—no doubt important information, but something that could be dealt with after finding Steve.</p>
<p>Three quick clicks came from her radio, and she responded with three of her own, letting Dugan and Gabe know they were alright. The radio clicked again, two bursts of static, a pause, then two more—asking if they were somewhere safe enough for voice communication.</p>
<p>"Go ahead," she replied.</p>
<p>"You two somewhere safe to hunker down for a minute? Big distraction is about to have a lot of people running around," Gabe replied.</p>
<p>"We can hide where we are," Peggy replied.</p>
<p>"Roger that," Gabe said, then the radio went silent.</p>
<p>Peggy and Jim moved to the spot behind the door so they wouldn't be spotted right off in case anyone came in, then some sort of siren went off and the floor juddered beneath them with a distant explosion. Jim chuckled. "Shoulda guessed Dugan's first distraction would be to blow something up."</p>
<p>The corridor on the other side of the door was filled with shouting as the siren continued to sound, and Peggy and Jim waited until all that remained was the siren. It sounded like an awful lot of people had gone by for Gabe and Dugan to take care of, but Peggy didn't doubt their ability to handle it.</p>
<p>Back in the hallway, they continued their journey toward the far end. With guns at the ready, they opened each door they passed, then moved on when they proved empty. Offices, storage rooms, and a very untidy kitchen was all they found so far. Their search was accompanied by distant shouts and explosions and regular clicks of the radio, letting them know that Dugan and Gabe were staying alive and raising hell.</p>
<p>They hadn't run into anyone yet, and while that had been the entire point of the distraction, they stayed on their toes. The hallway forked again as they neared the end, and Peggy stopped, holding up a hand. "Do you hear that?" she whispered to Jim.</p>
<p>He nodded. Voices were coming from the hallway to the right. Voices that were not running to help solve whatever mess Dugan and Gabe were making, but voices that were staying in place. Given that there was an emergency going on, it stood to reason that they were guarding something too valuable to leave their post for.</p>
<p>"How do you want to play it?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>She nodded for him to watch behind them, then she crept forward and crouched down until she was lying on the floor. Staying well below eye level, she took a quick peek around the corner. "Two of them," she said, pulling back and standing up. "About forty feet away. Left wall. Nothing to hide behind." They were going to have to attack fast—once they rounded the corner, the element of surprise would be lost. "You take the one closest to us," she said.</p>
<p>Jim nodded and readied his gun. Peggy checked her weapon and moved into position, then held up three fingers. At the end of the count, she and Jim hurled themselves around the corner, guns blazing. The guards were quick to react, but not quick enough. Three shots came in Peggy and Jim's direction, but the guards were on the ground before they could fire any more.</p>
<p>"You hit?" Jim asked as they ran forward.</p>
<p>"No," Peggy replied. "You?"</p>
<p>"I'm good," he responded. He reached the guards first and kicked their weapons away from them, just in case. "Looks clear that way," he said, scanning the rest of the hall.</p>
<p>Peggy knelt beside the fallen guards and began turning out their pockets. The door they were in front of had a sophisticated lock that seemed to require some kind of key card. "Nothing," she huffed when the pockets produced nothing useful. "Ideas?"</p>
<p>"Switch out with me," Jim said, moving from his sentry position to examine the lock. "Saw one of these in Lithuania—got a couple of ideas."</p>
<p>Peggy moved to stand guard while Jim knelt and started taking a panel on the wall apart. A Hydra agent came around the corner, and she fired and heard Jim hiss and curse. "Alright?" she asked when the soldier dropped, her eyes still on the corridor.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Jim said. "Burned my finger. I think I got it, though." There was a series of beeps and a gentle click. "Try the door."</p>
<p>Keeping her eyes on the hallway, Peggy leaned towards the door and tested the handle. "It's good," she said. Jim nodded and sprang to his feet, readying his gun once more. They cast a quick final look into the hallway, then flung the door open.</p>
<p>The room inside was much darker than the hallways they'd been travelling, and Peggy held her gun ready and listened intently for any sounds until her eyes adjusted. She could hear beeps and mechanical hums, and they sounded far enough away to suggest this room was larger than the ones they'd seen so far. She could also hear someone breathing.</p>
<p>Jim closed the door behind them as their eyes adjusted and they stepped further in. She'd been right, the room was larger, and it appeared to be some sort of laboratory. No overhead lights were on, but there was one wall that seemed to be comprised of tanks of various unpleasant-looking liquids that were lit from behind, casting most of the room in an eerie greenish light. Her eyes darted in the direction of the breathing she'd heard. It was Steve.</p>
<p>He was on the side of the room opposite the tanks, sitting in a large metal chair that resembled some nightmarish version of a dentist's chair. There were restraints around his forearms, another set around his ankles, and the top of the chair around his head was adorned with sharp and dangerous-looking attachments that, thankfully, seemed to be going unused at the moment.</p>
<p>"Steve!" she exclaimed, lowering her gun and hurrying over, knowing that Jim would stay on guard.</p>
<p>Steve rolled his head in her direction at the sound of her voice, though he flinched back as she got closer.</p>
<p>"It's alright, it's me," she said, holstering her gun and shoving away the head of a darkened examination lamp hovering above his head so she could get closer. "It's Peggy."</p>
<p>"No," Steve whimpered.</p>
<p>"Oh, my darling, what have they done to you?" she breathed. He was pale and shaking, washed out in the eerie green glow coming from the tanks. Peggy could see no obvious injuries in the strange green light, but she could see enough. They'd stripped him down to his undershirt and shorts, and he was shivering uncontrollably. Leads and bits of monitoring equipment were attached to his chest, neck and head, and a line of IVs hung above his chair, pumping God knew what into his veins through the series of needles sticking out of his arm. Nausea churned in Peggy's stomach at the sight of the line that was connected to a thin tube of some kind sticking out of the back of his head. They'd shaved his head again, and the nausea in her stomach turned to rage when she spotted a series of lines and numbers drawn onto one side of his skull—markers for where they intended to cut into his brain. His eyes were glassy and seemed to be having trouble focusing. Peggy wasn't sure if that was because of something Ivchenko had done or because of the contents of one of the needles, but in either case, it explained why he hadn't torn himself free of the chair that didn't look strong enough to hold him.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she asked, bringing up her hands to cup the sides of his face. His skin was cool to the touch, and he flinched back. "Steve, can you look at me?" she asked, trying to meet his wandering eyes.</p>
<p>"No," he whimpered again, closing his eyes and trying to pull away from her.</p>
<p>"It's me; it's Peggy," she told him, trying not to let any of the fear she was feeling into her voice. "Peggy's here. I'm here." Struck by a sudden inspiration, she reached up one hand to stroke her fingers over the top of his scalp. "I'm here," she said again, gently running her fingers over his head like she did when his head hurt him. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe now."</p>
<p>Steve blinked his eyes open uncertainly, relaxing his tensely clenched muscles a bit as she kept up the steady rhythm with her fingers. "Peggy?" he asked softly, not sounding at all sure about that.</p>
<p>"I'm right here," she said, shifting so that she was back in his line of sight. He squinted blearily at her, and she wasn't sure how well he could see her, but he wasn't flinching away anymore.</p>
<p>"Peggy h—here?" he whispered.</p>
<p>"I'm here." She leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I'm really here," she confirmed.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he breathed, and this time it was a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>She smiled and touched his cheek. "Let's get you out of here, hey?"</p>
<p>"Please?" he begged, and tears sprang to Peggy's eyes.</p>
<p>"We're going home," she assured him, stroking her thumb across his cheek. "Everything's going to be alright." She bent to unfasten the restraint around his wrist, then the lamp above his chair blazed to life and she flinched back, momentarily blinded. Something heavy struck her in the chest with enough force to send her to the floor.</p>
<p>For a moment, all she could do was attempt to recapture some of the breath she'd lost. She rolled away from the beam of light, and with it behind her now, she could see that the heavy thing that had struck her was Miss Underwood, who was currently tangled in a heap on the floor with Jim. Jim had turned at the noise and gotten a shot off in Underwood's direction, but she had ducked and rolled and crashed into his feet, knocking him to the floor.</p>
<p>Peggy was up on her feet then, and she grabbed Underwood's collar and yanked her back off of Jim and up to where Peggy could punch her in the face. Jim was up too, then, and the two of them converged on Underwood, who almost seemed gleeful at the chance to take on the two of them at once, grinning through the blood pouring from her nose.</p>
<p>The light shone down on where they were fighting like a spotlight, and Underwood was almost theatrical in the way she jumped and kicked around. Peggy felt as though she was in some sort of stage play—if only she'd been given directions for the fight scene. Underwood's style was unexpected and efficient, helped along by her incredible speed, and she was too close and too fast for either Peggy or Jim to be able to use their guns without risking hitting each other. At any other time, Peggy would have been impressed. As it was, she was just angry, and she channeled her rage back into attacking Underwood.</p>
<p>Underwood may have been quick, but Peggy had fought her once before and had an idea of how she moved now. She was able to block more of her blows than she had two nights previous, and started being able to anticipate where she was going to go next, allowing her to get in some hits of her own. They fought for several minutes, and while Underwood didn't seem to be tiring, Jim had started to get a feel for how she worked too, and he and Peggy were gaining the upper hand. They had just gotten her pinned against the wall of tanks when a voice called out, "That's enough!" from behind them.</p>
<p>Startled, Peggy's punch missed, and she and Jim spun around to see Ivchenko standing by the chair Steve was in. Underwood ducked down and rolled away from them, springing lightly to her feet a short distance away and standing at attention. Ivchenko had one hand on Steve's shoulder, and the other was holding a pistol that was pressed up against Steve's temple. "Put your weapons down, please," Ivchenko said, as coolly as if he were directing them where to hang their coats.</p>
<p>"You won't shoot him," Peggy said, holding her gun steadily on him. "What good to you is a dead test subject?"</p>
<p>"Not as much good as a live one, I admit; but there is much that could be gained from the autopsy of a specimen like this," Ivchenko replied. He smiled cruelly and thumbed the hammer on the pistol back. "Do I need to repeat my request?"</p>
<p>Peggy dropped her gun, hearing Jim do the same behind her.</p>
<p>"Much better," Ivchenko said.</p>
<p>"Peggy?" Steve asked.</p>
<p>Ivchenko tightened the grip he had on Steve's shoulder until Steve winced. "We have talked about this, Captain," Ivchenko said. "Be silent."</p>
<p>Steve nodded and was quiet, though his glassy eyes continued roaming the room.</p>
<p>A sick knot twisted in Peggy's stomach. "What did you do to him?" she snarled.</p>
<p>"We merely talked," Ivchenko said, lifting one shoulder in a self-deprecating shrug. "He's come around to see my side of things, but he needs…reminding now and then," he added, patting Steve's shoulder. He tilted his head to one side and looked at Peggy. "You seem to be very bad for his concentration, my dear. You really must learn to be more trusting. I am a medical doctor, after all. As I told the good Captain, my only wish is to help heal his pain. Surely that is what you want too? You must focus. Focus on what's best for him. Allow me to continue my work."</p>
<p>His words trickled into her brain, warm and thick and heavy like honey, and Peggy had started to nod before she realized what she was doing. "The hell I will," she growled, shaking her head to clear it of his voice.</p>
<p>Ivchenko's smile grew much more predatory. "I see. Well, if that's how it's going to go…" He pulled the gun away from Steve's head, swinging it around to fire in Peggy's direction.</p>
<p>Peggy saw it coming and tried to fling herself out of the way, but a sharp burning in her right shoulder told her she didn't quite make it. She hit the floor hard, and Jim was yelling and Underwood was moving and Ivchenko was saying something, but it was all drowned out by an animal roar as Steve surged up out of the chair, the restraints around his wrists and ankles snapping like pretzels.</p>
<p>Ivchenko, to his credit, was quick on the uptake, and he hastily backed several feet away, already talking in that heavy honeyed voice. "Steve, you need to keep your focus," he said. "Remember what I—"</p>
<p>That was as far as he got before Steve yelled, "NO!" and swung his fist into Ivchenko's jaw so hard that Peggy could hear bones shattering from halfway across the room. Ivchenko hit the ground in an unconscious heap, his gun clattering to the floor. Underwood disentangled herself from her tussle with Jim and flipped back at Peggy, one of her heels coming down hard on Peggy's injured shoulder in a bid to keep her from getting back into the fight. She ground her heel down hard into the wound, but before the scream of pain was halfway out of Peggy's mouth, Underwood had already flipped away, hurling herself at Steve. Peggy tried to catch her breath enough to call out a warning, but Steve simply reached out a hand and caught Underwood by the throat, snatching her out of midflight. She gurgled as his fingers closed around her neck and he surged forward like a freight train to slam her into the wall of tanks with enough force to crack the glass in a few of them.</p>
<p>"Steve, stop," Peggy said, pushing herself hastily to her feet and ignoring the burning pain in her shoulder. Underwood let out a pained grunt as she started turning purple, her hands scrabbling uselessly at the fingers locked around her throat. Steve growled and pushed her harder into the glass and she opened her mouth in a noiseless gasp, the spiderweb cracks in the tanks behind her growing deeper while beads of liquid began to seep out of them. "Steve," Peggy said again, stepping over and resting a hand on Steve's shoulder.</p>
<p>He tore his eyes off of Underwood and looked down at her.</p>
<p>"You can stop," Peggy told him. Even if Peggy didn't know the specifics of what Underwood had done, she was Hydra, and had no doubt earned the death sentence several times over by now. But it shouldn't be like this. Steve had killed before, in the heat of battle when it had been necessary, but never in cold blood. Hydra had taken so much from him, but Peggy wouldn't let them turn him into a monster.</p>
<p>Steve hesitated, looked back at Underwood, then seemed to realize what he was doing and yanked his hand back away from her. She fell to the ground in a gasping heap, and Jim sprang forward to tie her up. "Peggy?" Steve asked fearfully.</p>
<p>"It's alright, Steve," she told him, tightening her grip on his shoulder and stepping back, guiding him a few steps away. "It's alright. You're safe now."</p>
<p>"No," Steve said, shaking his head, reaching up to grab her arms. For all that he had escaped his bonds, he looked rather the worse for it—jumping up like that had torn all the IV needles from his arm and the back of his head, and there was blood everywhere. Little wonder he didn't feel safe or alright yet.</p>
<p>"You are, I promise," Peggy said, reaching up to touch his cheek. "We're going to take you home now and everything's going to be alright."</p>
<p>"No," Steve insisted, reaching up a hand to hover over her wounded shoulder. "No." He was terrified, but not, Peggy realized, of being hurt himself. His eyes were still glassy and drugged, but they were no longer darting around the room in fear. His eyes, his fear, his entire being, was focused on Peggy's shoulder and the blood coming from it. "Peggy hurt," he whispered.</p>
<p>Peggy didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. He had been experimented on by Hydra, was covered in blood and looked half-dead in the green light, and he was shaking so badly he could barely stand, but here he was worried about her. It was ridiculous and touching and very…Steve.</p>
<p>"I'll be alright," she told him. It was true, she'd just been shot, and her shoulder hurt like hell, but if they were going to be comparing…</p>
<p>"No," Steve insisted, and it was hard to tell in the eerie light, but she thought he was getting paler. She might have worried that <em>he</em> was losing blood if not for the fretful way his hand was fluttering at her shoulder, like he wanted to inspect it but didn't want to cause her further pain. Did the sight of her blood really upset him that much?</p>
<p>"Steve, I'm not going to die," she assured him. "It hurts, but it can be fixed. I didn't come all this way just to leave you now."</p>
<p>He didn't look entirely convinced, his grip on her good arm tightening.</p>
<p>"Let me take a look at it, Peg," Jim said, having finished with Underwood. Anticipating her protest, he flashed her a knowing smile. "Yes, Cap's in bad shape, but you're actively bleeding. Let me get that stopped, then I'll take a look at him."</p>
<p>He stepped forward and reached for her shoulder, and Steve made a growling sound and pulled her against his chest, taking several steps back.</p>
<p>"Hey, easy, big guy," Jim said, holding his hands up. "It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt her."</p>
<p>"It's alright, Steve," Peggy assured him. "You can trust Jim. He's only going to help."</p>
<p>"Jim," Steve repeated thoughtfully. He looked back up and studied Jim, and after a moment, some of the fear drained out of his eyes. "Jim," he said again.</p>
<p>"That's right; it's me," Jim said. "We're friends, remember?"</p>
<p>Steve took a moment to give it some thought, then nodded. "Jim," he said again, and he seemed to have come to some sort of decision. He loosened his grip on Peggy and nodded at her bleeding shoulder. "Peggy hurt," he said.</p>
<p>"I know," Jim said. "I'm gonna fix her up."</p>
<p>Steve nodded and allowed Jim to usher them over to the light coming from the lamp so he could get a proper look, though he kept hold of Peggy's good hand the whole way. He looked a little better himself in the light—not the color of death, anyway, though it was a stretch to say he looked well.</p>
<p>Her shoulder was really starting to hurt now, even more so once Jim started prodding at it, but Peggy did her best not to let any of it show on her face. Every flinch and hiss of pain from her only worried Steve more, and though he seemed to have recognized Jim, she wasn't sure what exactly his mental state was at the moment. Given how he'd reacted to the other two people who had caused her pain today, she was a bit worried about what he might to do Jim if he thought he was hurting her. To distract him (and herself), she tried to keep a conversation going.</p>
<p>"It's going to be alright, Steve," she said again. "Jim's a very good medic, and he'll soon have me sorted until we can get back to Howard's and fix things up properly. What about you? Are you alright?" She tried to pull her good hand free of his to reach up and touch his face, but he didn't want to let go. "Did they hurt you?"</p>
<p>Steve made an unhappy little noise that obviously meant 'yes', but he refused to be drawn into the conversation.</p>
<p>"You really think he's that easy to distract?" Jim chuckled. "Are you forgetting Carcassonne? Auvers-sur-Oise? Bern?" he asked, listing places during the war where Steve's focus had been on a wounded teammate instead of his own injuries. He chuckled again. "I thought <em>he</em> was the one with the memory problems."</p>
<p>"Yes, alright," Peggy sighed.</p>
<p>"Salzburg," he went on. "Vienna. That whole thing in Denmark."</p>
<p>"Yes, thank you, Corporal," Peggy said, and he chuckled again.</p>
<p>"Alright, I'm going to have to put some pressure on this, so it's about to hurt more," he told her.</p>
<p>She nodded, appreciating the warning, and braced herself before he pushed his hands against her shoulder. She couldn't stop a little grunt of pain, but she squeezed Steve's hand as his face hardened. "I'm alright," she told him. "It's fine."</p>
<p>He watched skeptically as Jim bound up her shoulder with strips torn from his shirt, but as he didn't seem inclined to attack Jim, they seemed to be coming out ahead.</p>
<p>"Bullet went all the way through, so it's pretty clean," Jim said as he tied the strips of cloth. "I'm going to have to wait until we get back to Stark's to stitch it up, but this oughta hold everything until we get there."</p>
<p>"Assuming Gabe and Dugan have cleared us an escape route," she pointed out.</p>
<p>"Yes, assuming that," Jim allowed. He took the remaining strips of his shirt and fashioned a sling to keep her arm from moving too much. "Okay," he said, turning to Steve. "You gonna let me check you out?"</p>
<p>At Peggy's nod, Steve very reluctantly let go of her hand and let Jim step between them. Peggy took the opportunity to check in with Dugan and Gabe. The two of them were confident they had caused enough chaos to be able to make their way to them and help with an escape route. Peggy told Gabe to go ahead and radio Phillips for the backup—between the four of them, they should be able to get the escape well in hand, but they didn't want the occupants of the base slithering off to fight another day.</p>
<p>"That was fast," Peggy said, turning back to where Jim seemed to be finished with Steve.</p>
<p>"There's not a lot I can do for him here," Jim replied. "There's nothing broken, he's not bleeding, and he's standing on his own feet. That's the good news."</p>
<p>"And the bad news?"</p>
<p>"I don't know what these drugs are they gave him, and while he is on his feet, I don't think he's going to stay on them all the way back to the car. He's in rough shape."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded sharply, wanting more answers but knowing Jim couldn't provide them here. They would get Steve back to Howard's, and they had his pain medication there and all the equipment they would need to set him right again. He would be fine.</p>
<p>"I think you should stick close to him," Jim went on. "I think it keeps him calmer."</p>
<p>"I was planning on it," Peggy said. "Can we do anything to warm him up? Are the rest of his clothes here somewhere?" He was still shaking, and his skin felt much cooler than she knew it should when she took his hand.</p>
<p>"I'll look while we wait for Dugan and Gabe," Jim said, moving back to the door to find the light switch.</p>
<p>Steve winced as the overhead lights came on, though they weren't as bright as the lamp above his chair had been. "Does the light hurt your head?" she asked.</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>"Here; let's come over here," she said, guiding him over to one corner, as far from the overhead bulbs as they could get. She would have liked to have him sit down, but the only place in the room to sit was the chair he had been locked in, and she wasn't going to make him get back into that. "Can you look at me, Steve?" she asked. He didn't fight it this time when she tugged her hand free of his and brought it up to rest on his cheek. She turned his head so that he was looking down, away from the light and at her. His face was tight with pain, and his eyes were still glassy, confused, and not entirely evenly dilated. "Oh, my darling, I'm so sorry," she said, stroking her thumb across his cheek.</p>
<p>"Peggy alright?" he asked, his eyes drifting away from hers and down to her shoulder.</p>
<p>She gave a watery little chuckle. "You have a one-track mind, you know that?" She sighed. "No. I'm not alright. Are you?"</p>
<p>He shook his head sadly. "No," he whispered.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded and pulled him a little closer, sliding her good arm around him and leaning into his chest. He raised his arms and put them around her, though he held her lightly, afraid of hurting her further. They stood like that until Dugan radioed and said he and Gabe were about to come in, so don't start shooting when the door opened. Jim had been unable to find where they had put Steve's clothes, so Dugan gladly shucked his jacket and helped Steve into it. He was shivering a little less after that.</p>
<p>Dugan and Gabe guided them back to the stairs, away from the noise of whatever distraction they had left behind. Steve was really struggling to walk by that point, so Dugan let Gabe take point and shifted his focus to keeping his Captain upright. They reached the decrepit lobby the same time Phillips' backup did, and Peggy commandeered the keys to one of their vehicles before sending them down into the base. She and the boys had come in a car, but it was parked several blocks away where they had begun their search, and there was no way Steve would be able to walk that far.</p>
<p>Steve was barely conscious by the time they reached the car, and he was growing more agitated as cognizance left him. Peggy imagined being in a state of semi-awareness in an unfamiliar setting while being manhandled into a car was putting him in mind of being kidnapped two days ago. She tried to stay where he could see her, hoping that would help, but he still fought their attempts to get him into the car. Fortunately no one got hurt—the burst of adrenaline that had accompanied breaking free of the chair had waned, and his movements were too weak to cause any damage.</p>
<p>A soft whimper escaped his lips as the door of the car closed, and Peggy leaned him against her, bringing his head to rest on her good shoulder. "Hush, now, my darling," she soothed, stroking her fingers gently across the top of his head. He quieted almost immediately. "Ssh." Her fingers paused in their motion just long enough for her to kiss the top of his head. "Everything's going to be alright," she told him. "I've got you now. It's all alright."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>So, Steve is safe now, if not entirely well, but we have some well-deserved rest and recovery on the way.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve is home now, but still a bit of a mess. Time for him and Peggy to take care of each other.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>Steve slept the rest of the way home. They were able to get him down to the lab for Howard to examine, while Jim sat nearby with Peggy stitching her shoulder up. He'd been right that the bullet had passed cleanly through—with the way she'd been falling, it had bounced off her shoulder blade and back out again an inch and a half above where it had gone in. The bone was nicked but not broken, and it was mostly just muscle damage, which was just about all one could ask for in a wound like that. She was going to have to wear it in a sling for a while, but Jim promised her that she'd get her full range of motion back once it had healed.</p>
<p>Once her shoulder was stitched and bandaged, Peggy went and got cleaned up. Warm and dry and feeling a bit better, she returned to the lab to find Steve still asleep. He was currently lying inside the scanner Howard had built while Steve had still been in the hospital. Peggy had to admit that while it was just as loud and unwieldy as the one in the hospital, it was an incredibly efficient machine—it took x-rays and ultrasonic scans as well as scanning Steve's brain. Howard was able to determine that Steve wasn't suffering from any internal injuries—most of Ivchenko's interest had seemed to be focused on Steve's brain and his blood, and Howard was studying a sample of Steve's blood while the scanner did its work, trying to sort out what exactly Ivhcenko had injected him with.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure what exactly they were planning on doing to his head," Howard said when she asked how it was going. "But this tube?" he went on, picking up the tube that had been sticking out of Steve's head and frowning at it before throwing it to the floor. "This was a shunt to drain excess fluid out of his brain. You get that with too much pressure inside the brain, like when it swells up, or has something pushing against it. Based on the marks showing where they were gonna cut, my guess is they were gonna cut him open and stick something inside."</p>
<p>"Like what?" Peggy asked, horrified.</p>
<p>"Who knows?" Howard said with a shrug. "Probably something to monitor his brain activity."</p>
<p>"The way your hat did?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Speaking of which, he's gonna need a new one of those. I should be able to get it by tomorrow—I have more hats, but I've got to make some new sensors."</p>
<p>"Why couldn't they just use the sensors in the hat to monitor his brain?" Peggy wondered. "Or even leads stuck on the outside?"</p>
<p>"You can get a clearer picture of the activity with something down in it like that," Howard said. "But it's a trade-off. You get clearer data, but it puts pressure on the brain, which is damaging in the long term."</p>
<p>"Something tells me they weren't concerned about his overall well-being in the long term," Peggy said.</p>
<p>"Probably not," Howard agreed. "They took a <em>lot</em> of blood, too. That's probably why he was so cold. Aside from being half-naked in a basement."</p>
<p>"Gabe, can you contact the Colonel and tell him to have his team bring any vials of Steve's blood they find here?" Peggy asked. Gabe arched a confused eyebrow and she continued. "There's been enough experimenting on him already. No need to tempt anyone." Gabe nodded and left to call the Colonel.</p>
<p>"So, can we—" Dugan started, but Steve chose that moment to wake up, realize he was inside the scanner, and absolutely lose his mind.</p>
<p>They all jumped forward, but the few seconds it took to get him out of the machine only served to escalate his panic. His flailing had gotten a little more coordinated by the time they reached him, and Dugan took a punch to the jaw that knocked him to the floor. The momentum of the swing threw Steve off balance, and he tumbled off of the table with a cry and landed on top of Dugan. Dugan reacted quickly and threw his arms around Steve, holding him in place. Steve cried out and struggled, but Ivchenko's drugs were still in his system and he was unable to break free.</p>
<p>"Keep holding him, Dugan! Let me just find…" Howard trailed off, rummaging through a collection of vials.</p>
<p>"You're not going to drug him, Howard!" Peggy shouted. He'd had enough of that already.</p>
<p>"Well, somebody do something—ow!" Dugan yelped. Steve seemed to have realized he couldn't break free of Dugan's arms, so he'd bitten his hand.</p>
<p>"Steve?" Peggy said. She moved forward and crouched down beside Dugan, out of the way of Steve's kicking legs. "Steve, look at me," she said, resting her good hand on his arm.</p>
<p>"No, no, no!" Steve yelled, renewing his attempt to escape Dugan's hold.</p>
<p>"Steve," Peggy said firmly. "Look at me." She slid her hand up to his cheek, hoping she didn't get bitten too, and turned his head in her direction. "It's me. It's Peggy. I'm here and you're safe. You're safe. No one is trying to hurt you."</p>
<p>He didn't look entirely lucid, but he seemed to latch on to her words, so she kept talking.</p>
<p>"It's alright. You're home and you're safe. I'm here and I'm alright. Dugan and Howard and Jim are here. They're your friends, remember? There's only friends here. No one who wants to hurt you."</p>
<p>"Hurts," Steve moaned.</p>
<p>"I know," Peggy said sadly. "I know it does, darling, but we're going to help. We're going to make it better." She stroked her thumb across his cheek, looking into his eyes. "It's going to be alright."</p>
<p>"Peggy?" he whispered, and there was recognition settling into his gaze now.</p>
<p>"Yes," Peggy told him. "Yes, I'm here. You're safe." She looked up at Dugan. "I think you can let go now."</p>
<p>Dugan nodded and loosened his hold. Steve started to scrabble clumsily away, but Peggy's hand on his arm stopped him. "It's okay," she said. She nodded for him to turn around. "It's Dugan—he's your friend."</p>
<p>Steve turned around hesitantly, actually looking at Dugan for the first time.</p>
<p>"Hey, Cap," Dugan said with a grin.</p>
<p>"Dugan," Steve said, sounding mostly certain about it.</p>
<p>"Yep," Dugan said. He clapped Steve carefully on the shoulder. "You good?"</p>
<p>"Dugan," Steve said again. He looked the other way. "Howard. Jim," he said, his eyes landing on each of them. He frowned. "Gabe?"</p>
<p>Jim grinned. "Gabe's on the phone. Jarvis and Ana are in the kitchen. Don't worry, buddy. We're all here."</p>
<p>"Let's get you off the floor, hey?" Peggy said. With Dugan's help, they got Steve back up on his feet. "Does he need immediate medical attention, Howard?" she asked. "If not, I think a more soothing environment might be the thing."</p>
<p>"He mostly needs rest and to get the drugs out of his system," Howard replied. "I've got some medicine we should hook him back up to, but it doesn't have to be in here."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "Let's take him back to his room, then," she said. She got underneath one of Steve's arms. "Perhaps by way of the bathroom," she added, noticing the dried blood and sticky residue from the monitoring equipment as she took hold of his arm.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to have accepted that he was back among friends now, but he got very jittery as Peggy prepared to leave him alone in the bathroom with Dugan and Jim.</p>
<p>"I know it's not exactly, uh, appropriate," Jim said. "But I think maybe you should stay, Pegs."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. She'd been wondering if that might be necessary, and if Steve needed her to feel safe, then to hell with propriety.</p>
<p>It turned out to be a good idea that she was staying—Steve was aware that he was somewhere safe but he was still very much on edge, and other than assistance in walking, he did not want to be touched. Except by Peggy, it would seem. Once Dugan and Jim realized that, they decided they should probably just leave, though they assured her they'd be out in the hall if she needed them.</p>
<p>Peggy shook her head as they left. "I don't know what they think we're going to get up to that they would need to be gone for," she said. She started the water running in the tub, then turned back to Steve, who was leaning against the sink. He was in his undershirt and shorts again since they'd taken Dugan's jacket off before putting him in the scanner, but he wasn't shivering as badly as before. Carefully, she reached out her hand for the hem of his shirt. "Is this alright?" she asked.</p>
<p>He looked down at her hand, then back up at her and nodded.</p>
<p>She nodded back and began to pull his shirt up. She slid the shirt up and over his head, and she had imagined doing this hundreds of times, but never like this. She shoved the thought away—this was hardly the time.</p>
<p>"Is this alright?" she asked again, her hand hovering over the waistband of his shorts. He nodded again, leaning back against the counter as she worked the shorts down his legs (which was tricky one-handed), then he lifted his feet one at a time so she could pull the shorts all the way off. She looked him up and down, and was pleased to see that he really did look uninjured.</p>
<p>"Into the tub, then," she said, gesturing to the water. Still a little shaky, Steve leaned against her as he made the journey, holding on tightly to her good shoulder as he stepped into the tub. He let out a relieved sigh as he sank down into the hot water, and Peggy couldn't help smiling. "Feels good, does it?"</p>
<p>He looked up at her and nodded.</p>
<p>"Good," she said with a smile. She let the water run a little longer before leaning over to switch it off. Picking up a wash cloth, she sat down on the edge of the tub. She dipped the cloth in the water, then lathered it with soap. "May I?" she asked, gesturing to his nearest arm.</p>
<p>He nodded and lifted it up out of the water, and Peggy started working the soapy cloth up and down his arm, from shoulder to fingertips. The tension in his muscles disappeared underneath her hand, and though she knew he was capable of undressing and washing himself, she thought this was something they both needed.</p>
<p>When she'd finished with his arm, she moved on to his back, and he leaned forward to rest his head on his knees so she could have better access. His back was still corded with tension, but it melted away as she worked the cloth across it. Peggy felt some of her own fear melting away as well at the expanse of skin laid out before her, whole and unbroken. She'd seen some of Hydra's work in the war, in laboratories left behind by Dr. Zola, and if nothing else, Steve had escaped that.</p>
<p>Neither of them spoke as she cleaned him off, but it was a peaceful, relieved sort of silence. They'd found one another again, and they could rest in that for now. Steve's foot did arch up and twitch away from her as she rubbed the cloth across the bottom of it, and for a moment she worried she'd found an injury and hurt him, but there was a ghost of a surprised smile on his face when she looked up at him. She smiled back.</p>
<p>"Ticklish, are you?" she asked. Curiously, she set the cloth aside and drew a careful fingernail up the sole of his foot. He reacted the same way, although he smiled a little wider this time. Peggy chuckled. "I never knew that about you," she said. Not that she'd had a great deal of opportunity to examine his feet before. She wondered if he was ticklish anywhere else.</p>
<p>She'd been avoiding his head, but at last, there was nowhere else that needed washing. "Can you lean forward a bit?" Peggy asked. He complied and leaned forward, drawing up his knees to rest his head against them again. He had no hair to wash, but Peggy was determined to get those markings off his skin. She had to be careful not to wet the bandages Howard had put over where the shunt had been, then she started moving even more carefully when he whimpered as she pressed against his head. A vigorous scrub would have gotten the marks off in no time, but it took much longer as she brushed the cloth in steady, gentle circles over the ink.</p>
<p>At last it was gone, and she started to wonder if Steve had fallen asleep until he rolled his head just enough to turn one eye to look at her. "All finished," she told him. "Ready for bed?"</p>
<p>He nodded tiredly, and she helped him up and out of the water. Mr. Jarvis, ever foresightful, had left a freshly laundered pair of pajamas on the counter before they'd even gone in, and Peggy helped Steve into them now, along with the dressing gown and slippers. Dugan and Jim came to help her get Steve back to his room, and they settled him down into bed.</p>
<p>Howard was waiting there with three bags of medicine hanging from the IV rack by the bed. "Does he need all of that?" Peggy asked. She recognized the one with the slightly blueish tint as his pain medication, but the other two didn't look familiar.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard said. "Pain meds, obviously, and then these other two are to help with what Ivhcenko put in there. This one binds to the foreign elements in his blood and breaks them down, and this one stops it from doing that to the pain medication." He looked at Steve, who was watching him warily, then back at Peggy. "My guess is, he's not going to want to go for these."</p>
<p>"Can't really blame him," Jim pointed out. "You didn't see how much they had him hooked up to in that basement. I'd be nervous too if I was him."</p>
<p>"I'll see if I can talk him into it," Peggy said, realizing where Howard was going. "But if I can't, will it hurt him to go without it?" The thought of forcing him to take anything turned her stomach, but if it was what he needed…</p>
<p>"Well, yes, in that he'll be in pain; but it won't cause any damage," Howard said. "It'll just take him longer to feel better."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. She tucked the blanket in a little more securely around Steve's side, then sat down beside him. "Steve?" She rested her good hand on top of his. "Howard has some medicine for you." She nodded at the IV bags, and Steve's eyes followed the gesture before carrying on to frown suspiciously at the needles at the ends that Howard was holding. "I know you probably don't want any more of this," she said, tracing her hand up his arm and along the marks Ivchenko's needles had left. "So, no one is going to make you take it. But it will help." She let go of his arm and picked up the little clicker for the pain medication. "Remember this?" she asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"Howard has to put the needles back in for this to work," she said, brushing her thumb over the spot on the back of his hand where the IV port had been before. "Will you let him?"</p>
<p>Steve was quiet for a minute, clearly thinking it over. At last he drew in a deep breath and nodded.</p>
<p>"Alright," Peggy said, smiling at him. She looked back at Howard. "Do the pain medication first." Stopping his pain would make him less likely to change his mind partway through.</p>
<p>Howard nodded and moved forward, and though Steve watched him warily, he allowed him to insert the needle in the back of his hand, flinching as it pierced his skin. Howard pulled back, and after several seconds, Steve leaned back against his pillows with a bone-deep sigh of relief, the pained lines vanishing from in between his eyebrows. Howard inserted the other two needles a little farther up his arm and patted his forearm gently, and Steve blinked up at him tiredly and smiled.</p>
<p>"You're gonna be alright, pal," Howard said. "Glad we got you back in one piece."</p>
<p>Steve was fading fast, so the rest of them said their goodnights and departed. Howard switched off the overhead lights before shutting the door, leaving Steve and Peggy alone in the lamplight.</p>
<p>Peggy stood up and Steve made a worried little noise, reaching up to catch her hand. "Peggy?" he asked.</p>
<p>She smiled down at him. "Don't worry, darling; I'm not going anywhere." She'd imagined Steve wouldn't want to be left alone for the night after something like that. She knew she wouldn't have. She sat back down, closer to Steve this time, and tucked her feet up underneath her. "I was just getting more comfortable."</p>
<p>"Stay?" he asked.</p>
<p>"I'm staying right here," she assured him.</p>
<p>He nodded, shifted down into the pillows a little more, then wrapped an arm around her. He brought the other hand up to gently brush the outside of her sling. "Alright?" he asked.</p>
<p>"You worry too much," she told him. "I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Hurts?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Not right now," she replied. She tapped the little clicker for his medication. "Jim gave me some medicine of my own for it. It feels pretty good, actually."</p>
<p>Steve stared at her for a long moment, then seemed to decided he was convinced, and nodded again.</p>
<p>"How do you feel?" Peggy wondered. Hopefully, Howard's medicine was taking care of his pain, but physical pain wasn't the only unpleasant experience he'd had in the past two days.</p>
<p>He sighed deeply, then pulled his blanket up a little closer around him. Peggy felt a little shiver run through him. Then he lifted his hand and moved it towards his head, and Peggy was expecting him to say his head hurt, as he often did with that gesture, but before she could reach for the device and increase the dose of medicine he was getting, he sighed again and rubbed a hand across his scalp.</p>
<p>"Oh," Peggy said. He looked unhappy but not hurt, and…ah. "You miss your hair?" She guessed.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, darling," she said, reaching up and brushing her own hand across his head. There was a little nick there on the back, where whoever had shaved his hair had not been particularly careful, and she leaned in and planted a gentle kiss over it. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>He sighed again, looking lost, but he said nothing further. He was clearly troubled by the whole ordeal, but didn't have the vocabulary to put any of it into words, so he shifted uncomfortably and pulled the blanket tighter around himself again.</p>
<p>Peggy put her hand to his cheek, tilting his head up to look at her. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, Steve. To have your mind taken from your control like that, and to be forced to be complicit in your own pain…It's terrible. It's a terrible, terrible thing that happened, and it should never have gone that far." He couldn't say what he was feeling, but Peggy could see that he was terribly shaken up. Perhaps acknowledging that would help—at the very least, it would remind him that Peggy was there and she understood.</p>
<p>"You must have been frightened," she went on. "I'm so sorry you had to wait there alone while they hurt you. I'm so sorry it took us that long to come and find you." She leaned in and kissed his forehead. "But I shall always find you," she whispered. "Always. I shall always come after you." She kissed his forehead again. "You shall always be safe with me."</p>
<p>He smiled up at her, soft and warm and a little bit awed. The hand he had brushed across his head reached over and picked up her good one, and he brought it up to his lips and kissed the backs of her fingers. "Safe," he repeated, and that was a new word. "Steve safe," he said with a nod that seemed to say he knew she would protect him. Then something in his eyes changed and he cinched the arm he had around her waist a little tighter. "Peggy safe," he told her, and that was conviction in his eyes now, along with just a little bit of that animal anger she'd seen earlier in the lab. He didn't need words to convey that the next person to hurt Peggy would do so over his dead body.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "I know," she assured him. She ran a hand along the side of his face. Had it been anyone but Steve, the idea that someone thought she needed protecting would have rankled, but as it was, it only made her heart swell fondly in her chest. She felt the same about him, after all. "We'll look after one another, you and I."</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>She smiled and kissed him again, then shifted back and leaned against the headboard, cushioning herself on Steve's pillows. Steve's arms remained around her waist, but his head was closer to her hip now, and she pulled her good hand free of his to start tracing soothing circles across his scalp with her fingernails. He hummed contentedly and his eyelids started to flutter, somewhat of their own volition it would seem, since he forced them back open to look up at her.</p>
<p>"Rest," she chuckled. "I'm not going anywhere." She yawned. "Except to sleep."</p>
<p>A surprised chuckle escaped Steve's throat, and he smiled and closed his eyes, nuzzling his head against her hip. Peggy smiled too and closed her eyes, though she didn't allow herself to start falling asleep until Steve did, his breath coming long and slow and even.</p>
<p>The next morning found Steve much more lucid, the last of the confused glassiness gone from his eyes. Whether that was because of Howard's medicine, his own enhanced healing capabilities, or a combination of both, Peggy was glad to see him back to himself again. That wasn't to say the ordeal was forgotten—he got uneasy very quickly if Peggy got too far away, and people moving suddenly or just outside his line of sight made him jumpy. But he recognized everyone, was no longer suspicious of Howard's medications, and was even coaxed into smiling over breakfast at some of the boys' more ridiculous antics.</p>
<p>When breakfast was over and they were starting to clear things away, Steve surprised everyone by reaching over and grabbing Dugan's hand as he got out of his chair.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Cap?" Dugan asked. "You need something?"</p>
<p>Steve hovered his fingers over Dugan's hand, not quite touching the very prominent bite mark between his thumb and forefinger. "Steve hurt Dugan?" he asked quietly.</p>
<p>"Um," Dugan said, clearly startled by the question. He looked up at the rest of them, then back down at Steve. "Uh, yeah, that was you," he agreed. "But it's okay."</p>
<p>Steve dropped his hand and looked up at Dugan with an expression of incredible remorse, and Peggy realized that while his three-word question had been the most complex sentence he had put together so far, he had no words with which to form an apology.</p>
<p>"Oh, hey, no, don't worry about it!" Dugan assured him. "I'm okay."</p>
<p>Steve didn't look sure about that.</p>
<p>"Really," Dugan said, flexing his hand in demonstration. "Didn't even break the skin or anything." He smiled at Steve warmly. "I appreciate the apology, but it's okay. Don't worry about it."</p>
<p>Steve looked at him for a moment, then seemed to decide he believed him and nodded, though he still looked a little guilty.</p>
<p>"Have we had any word from the Colonel?" Peggy asked, shifting the topic of conversation along. Last they'd heard, his team had still been securing the Hydra base.</p>
<p>"They got the base secured," Gabe said. "Everyone is in custody. He'll be by later today. Said he'd bring all the blood samples and research on Steve they found."</p>
<p>"Good," Peggy said.</p>
<p>They finished clearing breakfast away, but Steve was still sitting in bed, looking contemplative. "Would you like to go outside for a bit?" Peggy asked. That was what they normally did after breakfast, and she thought a return to routine might be good for him.</p>
<p>Steve eyed the newly-repaired window warily, but didn't say anything.</p>
<p>"I won't make you, of course," Peggy said. "If you don't want to. But I thought we could walk to the pond you like, with the fish and all the flowers."</p>
<p>Steve thought it over for several minutes before finally nodding. Howard had taken him off the rest of the medication before breakfast, but he'd left the port for the painkiller in the back of his hand so Steve could get up and move around and then reconnect as needed. Steve lifted his hand up now so Peggy could slide the needle out, then turned to put his slippers on. Instead of getting up, however, he looked at the bedside table and frowned.</p>
<p>"Is something wrong?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>Steve looked at the table, where a glass of water and the book they had been reading before he'd been taken were sitting, and his frown deepened. "Peggy?"</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"No," he said, shaking his head. He tapped the tabletop. "Peggy?" he asked again.</p>
<p>"What is it?" He wasn't asking her a question, but she couldn't work out from his face what it was he wanted.</p>
<p>"No," he sighed. He frowned for a moment, then raised his hands and held them with his palms flat against each other. He raised and lowered the top hand, keeping his wrists together, then repeated the motion a few more times. It put Peggy in mind of an alligator opening and closing its jaws, which did nothing to allay her confusion. "Peggy," he said, holding his hands in the 'open' position a bit longer.</p>
<p>For a moment, nothing, then Peggy realized what the action was he was mimicking. "Oh! You want your compass?" She'd transferred it from the pocket of yesterday's outfit to this one without really thinking about it when she dressed this morning, and she pulled it out and handed it to him.</p>
<p>Steve smiled in relief when she placed it in his hand, and he opened it up and inspected it before putting it back on the table, as if checking to make sure it was intact.</p>
<p>"I was keeping it safe for you until you got back," Peggy told him, and he looked up at her with that grateful smile that he gave in lieu of the words 'thank you'.</p>
<p>Steve shifted the compass a half inch to the left, and once he seemed satisfied with its placement, he nodded and stood up. "Out?" he said, offering Peggy his arm. She smiled and took it and they made their way into the garden.</p>
<p>Things returned to normal—or what was passing for normal these days—fairly quickly over the next few days. Howard had put together a new hat for Steve, which was happily accepted, and he spent a lot of time meticulously checking the scans to make sure Ivchenko hadn't done anything to Steve that he had missed. The only noticeable difference was that Steve was having trouble sleeping—it took him longer to fall asleep than it did before, and he slept uneasily once he did. Howard went over the scans of Steve's sleep patterns with a fine-toothed comb and found nothing medical to worry about—having nightmares after being kidnapped and experimented on was a very normal reaction.</p>
<p>It had occurred to Peggy that the one good thing about Steve losing his memories was that he'd lost the bad ones too—he'd had his bad nights during the war, just as Peggy and every other soldier had—because of that, this was the first time since coming out of the ice that Steve had anything to have nightmares about. It was a small blessing, but a blessing nonetheless, and now that it was gone, Peggy cursed Ivchenko for taking that away from him. (Ivchenko, at least, would not be hurting anybody else—when Colonel Phillips had come by, he'd told them that the surgeons had been unable to reconstruct Ivchenko's jaw from how thoroughly Steve had broken it. He would likely never speak again, so there was no danger of him pulling his little hypnotizing trick anymore.)</p>
<p>Steve seemed confused by the nightmares, and frustrated by his inability to say anything about them, but he always seemed to calm down again when Peggy was there. She'd taken to leaving the adjoining door between their rooms open when she went to bed so she could hear when he cried out in his sleep. Thankfully, he wasn't violent—she didn't have to worry about accidentally being knocked unconscious trying to rouse him from a bad dream. It hurt her heart, though, to see the way he whimpered and shied away from whatever it was he was seeing in his dreams, curling up into a defensive ball underneath his blankets.</p>
<p>"I'm here," she soothed, finding him in the grip of another nightmare. She rested her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "It's alright, Steve; I'm here. Wake up."</p>
<p>His eyes fluttered open, moisture glistening on his eyelashes in the light of the lamp. "Peggy?" he whispered.</p>
<p>"I'm here," she said again, sitting down beside him. He immediately flung his arms around her middle and buried his face in her side. "It's alright," she soothed. "It was just a dream." She leaned against him and rubbed her good hand up and down his back. "It's alright."</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Steve raised his head and looked up at her. "Peggy alright?" he asked, just as he did every night. Did he dream of her being hurt? She often wondered, remembering how much more terrified he'd seemed of her being hurt than of anything more happening to him in the lab. Or was he dreaming of the horrors Ivchenko had inflicted on him and, caught up in that world, worried that Peggy had been caught in them as well?</p>
<p>"I'm alright, my darling," she assured him, just as she did every night. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "And so are you. We're both safe."</p>
<p>Steve nodded and leaned back against her. Peggy could feel the tension leaving his body, his muscles relaxing even further as he scanned the room and recognized where he was.</p>
<p>"Are you alright? Does your head hurt?" she asked him. Sometimes it did when he had bad dreams and sometimes it didn't. Tonight he shook his head, and Peggy smiled and kissed his forehead again. "Good," she said. "I'm glad."</p>
<p>She pulled her hand up from his back and took his hat off. His hair had started growing back again, that prickly little peach fuzz that tickled her palm as she ran her fingernails over his head. He relaxed almost immediately, making a noise like a happy cat and nuzzling his head closer to her. She chuckled softly—it was funny just how effective the simple gesture was at putting him to sleep. It was also incredibly touching—whatever it was that terrorized his mind when he slept, it vanished at her touch. To know that he felt <em>that</em> safe with her…It almost made her want to cry.</p>
<p>"How do you think he's doing?" Howard asked, after Steve had been back for a week.</p>
<p>"Aside from the nightmares, I think he's doing well," Peggy replied. Everyone was out on the patio enjoying the sunshine this morning, though Steve was still in his long-sleeved pajamas and dressing gown and did not seem to be over-heating. Steve and Jim were playing checkers while Dugan and Gabe watched and gave unhelpful advice. She smiled as Steve swatted at Dugan and moved his piece in the opposite direction Dugan had been suggesting. "Hopefully, the nightmares will clear up in time," she added. They still woke him every night, but he was sleeping for longer stretches in between now.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard said. He was frowning.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"What's the last new word he said?" Howard asked, nodding at Steve.</p>
<p>"Um," Peggy replied, thinking. "Safe," she said after a moment. "The night we got him back."</p>
<p>"Mm," Howard said. "That's what I thought."</p>
<p>"Is that bad?"</p>
<p>"He hasn't learned a new word in a week," Howard said. "In the first two weeks since he started talking, he learned twenty-one words. That is an incredible pace. The third week, he learns one word, 'safe'. Now a whole fourth week has gone by, and he's learned no new words. Considering how fast he was going before, that is a drastic decrease in pace."</p>
<p>Peggy frowned, realizing he was right. Although… "There was the whole incident with Ivchenko to consider. I would imagine the stress of all of that would be a natural disruption to the pattern."</p>
<p>"Yeah, and I'm taking that into account," Howard said. "But he was slowing down even before Ivchenko got him."</p>
<p>Peggy recalled how moody and pensive Howard had been in the days before the kidnapping. "That's what was bothering you, wasn't it?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard sighed. "His scans aren't changing the way they used to."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>He nodded for her to follow him inside. "Come with me; I'll show you."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, though she stepped over closer to Steve first and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm just going inside with Howard for a bit. I'll be back."</p>
<p>Steve nodded, then returned to his game. It had taken him a couple of days to get back to feeling comfortable without Peggy around, but he was fine with the boys now, especially if Peggy let him know before she left.</p>
<p>Howard had not waited for her, and when she got to the lab, he was busy pinning a multitude of scans to a massive corkboard. "Okay," he said as she walked in. "These are when Steve was in a coma." He pointed to a series of scans that, while she could make out the outline of the shape of a brain, they were almost entirely dark. "This is that first day he woke up." The one he was pointing at now was much lighter, though several patches were still greyed out.</p>
<p>"There's a bit of a gap, because he hated the machine so much and we didn't get any more scans until I made the hat," Howard said. "But here's where we jump back in." The next scan he pointed to was lighter than the last, but not as drastically so as the difference between coma and first waking up. "Now, see how these are getting lighter slowly but steadily?"</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. Thanks to the frequency of the scans once Howard started using the sensors in the hat, she could see the gradual progression of Steve's brain healing. Sections that showed as nearly black on one scan turned lighter and lighter grey in subsequent ones until they were fully online again. It was fascinating, really. She could even tell which were scans taken while Steve was asleep—mostly dark, with flashes of light when he dreamed.</p>
<p>"Do you see what the problem is?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Peggy had already spotted it before he asked, and she nodded again. "It's this bit here, isn't it?" There was a section on the left side that had remained dark through the entire series. Other sections had remained dark for a while, but lightened to some degree by the most recent scan, but this one hadn't lightened a bit.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard said. "Now, maybe it's just slower coming back online than the rest of his brain, but the fact that there's been no change at all is starting to worry me."</p>
<p>"And you're sure it's nothing Ivchenko did?"</p>
<p>"Well, not a hundred percent, no," Howard admitted. "But…"</p>
<p>"But the fact that it looked like this before does seem to indicate he didn't do it," Peggy finished for him. "So, what do we do?"</p>
<p>Howard sighed. "That's the problem. The way Steve's brain is healing is just such vastly uncharted territory…For all we know, this part just takes longer to heal, and will start lighting up tomorrow. It's breaking the pattern of how the rest of it went, but it hasn't actually been long enough to make any kind of firm decisions. I don't want to go digging around inside his brain if I don't have to."</p>
<p>Peggy's eyes widened. "Digging in his brain would be the next step?"</p>
<p>"After a much more detailed scan, yeah," Howard said.</p>
<p>"What's stopping you doing the scan?"</p>
<p>"I have to make some adjustments to the machine. And you know how much he hates being in it. I would need him to be calm and still, but awake."</p>
<p>"I was able to calm him down before," Peggy pointed out. "And he trusts you now. I think we could convince him to do it."</p>
<p>Howard nodded. "I still have to adjust the machine. Let's take the week and see what happens—I'll keep an eye on the scans, and you watch him and see what kind of things he's picking up. We can do the more detailed scan at the end of the week regardless, but the week will give him some more time to settle. Maybe that's all he needs."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, and turned to go back upstairs. She played back over the events of the week in her mind, looking at them in a different lens now that Howard had told her what was worrying him. He was right—Steve <em>hadn't</em> started saying any new words this week. That was worrying, but she reminded herself of what Howard had said. This was uncharted territory, after all. Perhaps Steve's mind had simply switched gears for a bit and was improving in other areas—coordination, or his drawing, or one of the games the boys kept trying to teach him. All of that was still progress, after all. She resolved to keep a keener eye out, and not worry just yet.</p>
<p>The game of checkers was over by the time she got back to the patio. Steve was in the grass with Gabe, going over some of the fighting moves they'd been working on. It was a little too slow to really be called sparring, but fast enough that Peggy could tell Steve had the moves down, and it was good exercise. Perhaps it was time to look into getting Steve some proper clothes—he might be able to move a bit quicker if he was wearing shoes instead of bedroom slippers, and he did look rather ridiculous jumping and spinning about like that in his dressing gown. It was awfully adorable, though.</p>
<p>Peggy watched them for a while, keeping an analytical eye on the proceedings. Steve's balance was much improved since he'd first started walking again, and he was twisting, bending, and performing moves that required being on one leg without being in danger of falling over. His moves were sure, and his reflexes, while not yet back to super-soldier speed, were more than adequate. But how was he compared to last week? Had he been slower then? Were they working on anything new now? It was hard to say—Peggy had normally used Steve's time with Gabe as one of the times she got some work done for Phillips.</p>
<p>It was still a bit earlier than they usually stopped when Steve took a few steps back to avoid getting kicked and held up a hand, indicating Gabe should wait.</p>
<p>"You okay, Steve?" Gabe asked.</p>
<p>Steve winced and lifted a hand to rub his head.</p>
<p>"Headache, huh?" Gabe asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"You wanna head back in, get your meds?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded again, and Gabe started walking with him back to the house. Peggy stepped out from the porch to meet them, and Steve smiled a little bit when he saw her, though there were pained lines furrowed between his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Head's bothering him," Gabe told her. "Just his regular headache—I didn't hit him while we were sparring."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. She knew Gabe was always careful to avoid his head when they worked out, but she appreciated him letting her know anyway. She walked with Steve back into his room, where he sank down to sit on the bed with a sigh. He held his hand up, and Peggy inserted the IV needle and started the drip going again. Another deep sigh as he leaned back against the pillows and shut his eyes, though he smiled a little as Peggy started scratching his head.</p>
<p>The pained lines were still there after a few minutes, so Peggy clicked the control a couple more times to up the dosage. Steve sighed again, happily this time, though the combination of the higher dosage and Peggy's fingers in his hair soon put him to sleep. Peggy smiled down at him fondly. Her smile faded, however, as she looked back over at the IV line in his hand. That wasn't the first time she'd had to increase the dosage for him. She'd done it several times now in the past week. Either the Steve's body was getting used to the medication and it was losing its effect, or his headaches were getting worse. Neither option was good, and both should be mentioned to Howard.</p>
<p>Steve woke up in time for tea, then she read to him for a while before lunch. They went out and sat by the pond afterwards, but weren't there long before they had to come back in—another headache. Perhaps the sunlight was bothering him? She didn't think what he was suffering were migraines, but she knew strong light could be a trigger for things like that. Howard said he would look into the possibility.</p>
<p>It was raining the next morning, so instead of going for a walk, Steve got out his drawing pad. He settled down across the table from Peggy in one of Howard's studies, where she sat with a stack of things to decode for Phillips, and they passed a pleasant morning drinking tea to the sound of the rain and the scratching of pencils. Steve was humming to himself, one of the Benny Goodman songs Mr. Jarvis liked to listen to in the kitchen, though it was a little off-key. About halfway through the morning, Steve slid a piece of paper across the table.</p>
<p>Peggy looked up, and he nodded at the paper, watching her. It was a drawing of a flower, one of the lotus blossoms from the pond. The drawing was a bit wobbly and child-like, but of all the flowers surrounding the pond, the lotuses were her favorite, and she was touched that Steve had noticed. "You drew this for me?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded, smiling shyly.</p>
<p>"Thank you, darling," she said. "It's lovely." She tucked it carefully into her folder so it wouldn't get bent, then got up and rounded the table the kiss the side of Steve's face. "Thank you," she said again. "That was very sweet of you. Shall we go and get some more tea?"</p>
<p>Steve smiled and nodded, getting to his feet. He gathered up the loose papers that had been scattered around him—judging by the scratched-out images, the lotus blossom had taken several attempts. He crumpled them up and threw them in the bin, neat as always, then followed Peggy to the sitting room where Jarvis was laying out scones and more tea.</p>
<p>If sunlight really did trigger his headaches, it was evidently not the only culprit—in the middle of a story Jim was telling about something idiotic Dugan had done in Lithuania, Steve interrupted with a sharp, "Aah!", dropping his teacup and clutching at the side of his head. The delicate cup shattered on impact with the hardwood floor, but it was lost in the noise of chairs shifting back as everyone got to their feet.</p>
<p>"Steve?" Peggy asked, laying a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Hurts," Steve moaned, bending nearly double until his forehead was almost touching his knees, still not letting go of his head.</p>
<p>Dugan and Gabe each got underneath one of his arms and moved him quickly and carefully back to his bedroom—Peggy's arm was out of the sling now, but moving something as heavy as Steve was a bit much for her still-healing shoulder. Howard vanished, presumably to go check the scans. Once Steve was situated, Peggy sat down beside him and inserted the needle in the back of his hand. He whimpered and looked sadly up at her. "More?" he whispered, but Jim was already adjusting the line before she could do anything. Steve's eyes fluttered unevenly shut, and he slumped back against the pillow.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Gabe asked as Dugan helped Peggy reposition Steve so he was lying a little more comfortably.</p>
<p>"Howard's checking the scans," Peggy said. She didn't pull Steve's hat off to scratch his hair, leaving it on so Howard could get more data. "That came up awfully quickly, didn't it?"</p>
<p>"I mean, his headaches do tend to hit him pretty quick," Jim said. "I've been looking for patterns to find a trigger and I haven't found one yet." Peggy supposed that didn't surprise her that Jim was doing that too, being a medical man and all. "I don't think this one came up any faster than any of the others, it was just stronger."</p>
<p>"That can't be right, though," Gabe argued. "He's supposed to be getting better."</p>
<p>"I know," Peggy said. Everyone kept saying the headaches were an expected side effect, but Gabe was right, they shouldn't be getting worse at this point.</p>
<p>"I know Stark thought he was clean, but maybe Ivchenko really did mess something up," Dugan said. "Something small—that's why we missed it, and why it took a while to kick in."</p>
<p>"I've been wondering that myself," she said. She sighed. "Other than the nightmares, have you lot noticed anything off about him since we got him back?"</p>
<p>"Off how?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>"Howard is worried he's not learning at the same speed he was before," she explained. "Have any of you taught him anything new since we got him back?" She knew Howard's worries extended to before the kidnapping, but Steve's situation had been too new to the boys at that point for any sort of proper comparison.</p>
<p>They all considered. "I did try teaching him a new move the other day," Gabe said thoughtfully. "He was having trouble getting it, but he'd only been back for a few days, and I figured he was still feeling kind of overwhelmed by the whole thing with Ivchenko, so I dropped it. Everything we learned before, though, he's doing fine."</p>
<p>"He's been getting frustrated when we play cards," Dugan said. "That's why we switched to checkers."</p>
<p>"Did you teach him checkers recently?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Before Ivchenko," Dugan said. "I don't really like checkers, so I kept trying cards, but I think that might have been too complicated. Poker was too much, but I don't think he really got the easier card games either. But he was patient about it." He shook his head. "He's not patient anymore."</p>
<p>"I noticed that too," Jim said. "You remember Thursday?"</p>
<p>"What happened Thursday?" Peggy asked. It must have been during one of the times she was working on something for Phillips, but no one had said anything about it.</p>
<p>"We were playing Spoons. He was kind of getting that one—at least the matching part; I don't think he'd figured out runs—but the passing part always threw him a little, and I think we were going too fast," Jim said. "He kind of…growled and threw his cards down on the table, then pushed his chair back and picked up the spoons and threw them onto the floor."</p>
<p>Peggy's eyes widened in surprise. That was…Well, that was practically a temper tantrum for Steve. Why hadn't anyone said anything?</p>
<p>Dugan scrunched up his face like he knew what she was thinking. "We should have told you. He just…You should have seen his face, Pegs. He looked so embarrassed, and almost as guilty as he did after he bit me." He shrugged. "We figured he got frustrated with not understanding the game and with not being able to tell us what he didn't understand. There's only so much those puppy-dog eyes of his can say. I'd get tired of it too if I couldn't tell people what was bothering me." He looked over at his sleeping captain with sympathy. "He felt awful about it; we didn't say anything because we didn't want him to feel worse."</p>
<p>"And it hasn't happened since then, so we figured it was a one-off," Jim added.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "I suppose you're right," she said, stroking a hand up and down Steve's arm. "I haven't seen him angry outside of the lab."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you hear about anger issues with brain injuries, but I haven't seen anything like that with Steve," Jim agreed, answering her unspoken question. "I think he really was just frustrated that he didn't have the words he wanted and he let it get the better of him."</p>
<p>"And I think he's being careful about it," Dugan added. "I've seen him a couple of times since then where he was having trouble saying something, and he did this thing where he just stopped trying to talk and took a breath and calmed himself down."</p>
<p>Peggy had noticed him doing that a couple of times too, though she hadn't realized that was what it was.</p>
<p>"I think he scared himself when he did that," Jim said. He looked at Peggy. "Like in the lab." Jim had been the only one of them with her in the lab when Steve attacked Underwood and Ivchenko, and his comparison reassured her. Steve had never been one for destructive anger, and the fact that he was recognizing that in himself and making the effort to keep it in check meant that while he may be having difficulty progressing, he at least was not regressing. Peggy took comfort in that.</p>
<p>"So, maybe," Gabe mused. "If Stark is right and something is keeping him from learning as fast as he was before, maybe he's noticed that too and it's bothering him. I mean, we all know how he hated being helpless before. That's why he made such a terrible patient."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded thoughtfully. "I wonder if the incident with the spoons was him being angry with himself for not understanding. He was always harder on himself than on the rest of the team."</p>
<p>"I think there's something to that," Jim said. "He sure didn't seem mad at us when it happened," he added, gesturing at Dugan.</p>
<p>"So, maybe it's good, then?" Dugan suggested. "Kind of. I mean, it's a little bit more of his old self that he's getting back."</p>
<p>"Maybe," Peggy allowed. "The headaches are still a problem, though. Do you have any ideas about that?" Peggy asked Jim.</p>
<p>Jim scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Until they started getting worse, I really did think it was just a natural side effect of such a serious head injury. I think Dugan's guess about Ivchenko is worth looking into."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "Howard's going to adjust the scanner to get more details and see about that." She wasn't sure if she wanted that to be the answer or not—it was an easy explanation, but potentially fraught with deeper consequences. And the headaches really had been a problem all along. She didn't think that was it.</p>
<p>There seemed to be nothing more to be said, and the boys returned to the sitting room to clean up. Peggy continued her stroking of Steve's arm, just watching him. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully, and that was good. He didn't really dream when the medicine put him out.</p>
<p>Howard was in about half an hour later.</p>
<p>"Anything?" Peggy asked him.</p>
<p>Howard sighed unhappily. "Not really. The scanners in the hat pick up brain activity—whatever is causing these headaches isn't the result of neurons misfiring or anything like that, so they can show me the effects it's having on his brain, but not what's causing it." He sighed again. "I'm going to step up my adjustments to the scanner in the lab—I've got a thing I'm trying with magnets that ought to show me more of what the inside of his head actually looks like, instead of the light and dark of active spots."</p>
<p>"Like an X-ray of his brain?" Peggy clarified. Howard nodded. "You're looking for physical damage to his brain," she realized.</p>
<p>"At this point, I'm leaning toward that as the source of the headaches," Howard said.</p>
<p>"I thought it had all cleared up by now," she said. With as fast as he healed, that had been her assumption from the way Howard talked.</p>
<p>"It should have," Howard said. "That's what I assumed when everything started lighting up on the scans. But it's worth another look at this point." He looked down at Steve. "I'll have the machine ready in a day or so. If he keeps having pain like this, we're not waiting the week."</p>
<p>Peggy didn't think Howard would appreciate a hug, but she reached over and squeezed his arm. He looked miserable. She knew he'd been so hopeful about Steve's recovery, and, knowing him, whatever it was that was wrong, he was seeing as his fault for missing and blaming himself for Steve's pain. "You'll figure it out," she told him.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Hmm...Steve may be safe at home now, but it would seem we're not out of the woods yet. Did Ivchenko do something to him after all? Is it a problem that's been there all along? Or is it something else entirely? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tune in next week to find out!</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Something is still wrong with Steve, but Howard is on the case now. What will he discover? And what might happen in the meantime?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>Steve woke up in time for lunch, blinking blearily around the room. Peggy squeezed his shoulder warmly.</p>
<p>He blinked up at her. "Peggy?"</p>
<p>"Hello," she said. She put a hand to his cheek. "How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>He considered. "Alright," he decided.</p>
<p>"It doesn't hurt?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>She smiled. "That's good."</p>
<p>He opened his mouth as though he was going to say something, then closed it. He frowned, and Peggy realized he was trying to say something he didn't have the words for. She waited, putting on an expression she hoped looked patient so he wouldn't think she was rushing him. At last he sighed, then reached over and picked up Peggy's hand with both of his. "Peggy here," he said, patting her hand. He let go with one hand and patted the space on the mattress between them. "Here," he said again. "Steve…" He sighed. He gestured vaguely at the room, then at his head, the IV port in his hand, then at Peggy's wristwatch. He scrunched up his face and looked back at her, somehow managing to look apologetic and grateful all at once.</p>
<p>Peggy took a moment to make sure she had deciphered what he was saying correctly before she responded, then she smiled at him warmly. "You're no trouble, Steve," she told him. "I'm upset that you're hurting, but only because I don't like seeing you in pain—not because it's an inconvenience." She lifted her hand to his face and stroked her thumb across his cheek. "I'm happy to be here to help you." She'd never liked it before when Steve had acted as though asking for something for himself was a burden, but perhaps Dugan was right. It was a part of who Steve was, so maybe it was a good sign that it was coming back?</p>
<p>Steve blushed a little, but he smiled at her, a soft, warm smile that reminded Peggy that even if he would never be able to say the words 'I love you', he didn't need to.</p>
<p>"I love you, my darling," she said, leaning forward and kissing his forehead gently. He surprised her by reaching up a hand to cup the back of her head, guiding her down to meet his lips with her own. He kissed her long and soft and warm, and she felt a shiver run down her back and all the way into her toes. She kissed him back, a deep, good kiss that made him make a little noise that sent that shiver down her spine again.</p>
<p>"Peggy," he whispered when they pulled apart, still keeping his hand at the back of her head so she didn't get too far away.</p>
<p>He said so much just saying her name, and she leaned forward and kissed him again. "I love you," she told him again, pulling back to sit up straight but keeping a hand on the back of his head. She curved her fingers up under his hat and toyed with the little prickles of hair on the back of his neck. "And we're going to figure this out, I promise. You're not going to be in pain for the rest of your life if I have anything to say about it." The universe didn't seem keen on the idea of letting Steve be, but she was running out of patience and would beat it into submission if she had to.</p>
<p>Steve chuckled, as if he knew what she was thinking and would like to see the cosmic force so foolish as to go up against Peggy Carter.</p>
<p>There was lunch and then the rest of the afternoon, which passed without incident. The rain cleared away, and though the air outside was hot and a little sticky, they went for a walk out to the little pond again. It was even muggy enough that Steve decided to shed his dressing gown while they sat there.</p>
<p>"We're going to have to find you something to wear other than pajamas," Peggy told him. "You know," she considered. "Outside of the pajamas, I don't think I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. What sorts of things do you like to wear, I wonder? I have to tell you, I was rather surprised with how pleased I was to get to wear something other than a uniform again. I suppose I'd just gotten used to it. But being able to wear things like cotton again, or have full sleeves and pockets has been wonderful." She eyed Steve's outfit. "Although, as a point in the dressing gown's favor, it does have some wonderfully deep pockets."</p>
<p>They sat there until time for afternoon tea, then went back in. Everyone was watching Steve warily, but no more headaches seemed to be forthcoming. In fact, they passed the rest of the afternoon and the evening with no sign of any pain from Steve. After dinner they listened to the radio, Steve nearly won a game of checkers against Gabe, then they all got cleaned up and headed for bed (except for Jim, who was on guard duty tonight). Peggy read to Steve for a while, then went to bed herself, leaving the door cracked in case bad dreams woke him up again.</p>
<p>When she did wake up, it wasn't one of Steve's nightmares that woke her—having given him a reprieve of over fourteen hours, Steve's headache returned with a vengeance at one in the morning, and she was snapped abruptly out of sleep at a scream of pain from Steve's room. She rushed into his room to find him huddled in a ball at the head of the bed, arms wrapped around his head. He was making a keening sound like a wounded animal and rocking back and forth.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she asked, resting a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Tears of pain were swimming in his eyes when he looked up at her. "Peggy?" he rasped. He took the hand with the IV port in the back off of his head, and he held it out to her imploringly. "Please," he whispered. "<em>Please</em>."</p>
<p>Peggy deftly inserted the needle into the back of his hand, starting up the drip and adjusting it to a higher intake. She sat down beside him and he curled into her side with a moan, wrapping his arms around her. "It'll be alright, Steve," she soothed, whipping off his hat and stroking her fingers over his hair. The medicine worked immediately on the smaller headaches, but it sometimes took a minute or two to kick in for the bigger ones. This was the biggest one yet.</p>
<p>"Is everything alright?" Mr. Jarvis asked from the doorway. The normally immaculate butler had evidently heard the noise and come running—his dressing gown was untied, his hair was wildly askew, and he appeared to have put on his wife's slippers in his haste.</p>
<p>"It's a headache," Peggy told him. "The worst he's had yet. Could you fetch me a cold compress and then Howard?"</p>
<p>"Right away."</p>
<p>He disappeared and Steve started moaning again, and Peggy returned her attention to him. "Hurts, Peggy," he moaned.</p>
<p>"Is the medicine helping at all?" she asked, reaching for the controller to increase the dosage.</p>
<p>"No," he whispered.</p>
<p>"I'm giving you some more," she said, since he couldn't see her pressing the button with his face buried in her nightgown. "It'll be alright," she said, returning to stroking his head. "It's going to be okay."</p>
<p>By the time Mr. Jarvis returned, Steve's whimpers were only occasional, but the muscles Peggy could feel under the arm she had around him were still corded with tension. The pain must be dreadful to be keeping him awake considering how much medication she'd given him. She was hesitant to give him any more until Howard arrived—Steve's body could handle a lot, but she was worried about overdoing it.</p>
<p>It took a great deal of coaxing to get him to let go of Peggy, but the cold compress wouldn't be of any use in his current position. The tears of pain that had been swimming in his eyes were trickling down his cheeks now. "Hurts," he whispered brokenly. "Please."</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry, darling," Peggy said, feeling moisture prickle in her own eyes. "We're trying." Now that he was lying on his pillow again, Mr. Jarvis leaned in to place the cold compress across his forehead. Steve shuddered at first, then groaned and closed his eyes. Peggy shared a worried look with Mr. Jarvis—was that better or worse? "Is that making it worse?" she asked. "Do we need to take it off?"</p>
<p>"No," Steve whispered.</p>
<p>"I should leave it on?" she clarified, just in case he was saying no, he didn't want it.</p>
<p>He nodded minutely.</p>
<p>"Alright," Peggy said. His face was still pained, but the lines across his brow weren't as deep. She was glad something was helping. "Thank you, Mr. Jarvis," she said gratefully. She leaned in to resume stroking Steve's hair, and he let out a stuttered little sigh of relief. She looked back up at Mr. Jarvis. "We'll be alright for the moment, I think. Will you please go and get Howard?"</p>
<p>"At once."</p>
<p>He disappeared again, and they sat there in silence. Peggy felt like perhaps she should say something, or hum a tune or something to distract him from the pain, but she didn't know if noise made it worse or not. So she continued stroking his hair, reaching down with her other hand to twine her fingers into his. He squeezed back so tightly that she couldn't feel her fingers, but she didn't pull away.</p>
<p>Howard arrived, and he seemed to share Peggy's concern about noise, because he spoke in hurried whispers as he tried to figure out what was wrong. He agreed with Peggy that more of the painkiller might be unwise, but they needed to do <em>something</em>, and Howard decided a sedative would be the lesser evil. It might not take the pain away, but it would knock Steve out so at least he couldn't feel it.</p>
<p>The serum did make things like that tricky, and even with the sedative Howard had designed especially for Steve, it took a few minutes for it to kick in. Peggy could tell when it started to work, as Steve's death grip on her hand let up, his hand finally going slack in hers. His head lolled to the side, pained lines evening out in sleep, and Peggy reached up to adjust the cold compress so it wasn't falling into his eyes.</p>
<p>"Howard, we have got to do something about this," she said.</p>
<p>"I know," Howard agreed, running a hand back through his hair and making it stick up on all ends. He grimaced. "I have to finish that scanner—I don't know how else to figure out what's wrong."</p>
<p>"Well, go and do it now, then," Peggy said. She knew Howard had been working on it yesterday, but he was awake now and things were clearly taking a bad turn.</p>
<p>"I can't," he sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "I'm waiting on a part I had to special order. It's a rush delivery—it oughtta get here by this afternoon, but I can't do anything without it." He looked down at Steve guiltily, as if the speed of the postal service were his own personal failing.</p>
<p>"Alright," Peggy said. It wasn't the answer she wanted, but there wasn't anything she could do about that. "In that case, you should get some sleep. If you can't work on it now, you should rest so you'll be able to work on it when you can."</p>
<p>Howard nodded, seeing the wisdom in her plan but plainly wishing there was more he could do. "Call me if anything happens," he said.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis returned a third time as Howard was leaving, this time with a cup of tea for Peggy. "I imagined you would not be returning to bed yourself," he said.</p>
<p>She chuckled. She'd had no intention of going back to bed now, and a cup of tea was just what she'd been wanting. "You really are a wonder, Mr. Jarvis."</p>
<p>He smiled. "Thank you, Agent Carter. Is there anything else I can do?"</p>
<p>"For the moment, I don't believe so," she said. "You should go back to bed. Thank you for your help."</p>
<p>"Of course. If I can be of any more service, just give me a shout. I sleep very lightly."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "I shall. Thank you."</p>
<p>She was alone with Steve then, with nothing left to occupy her thoughts but the cup of tea in her hand and the tickle of Steve's hair under her palm as she continued to brush her fingers through it. "Oh, my darling," she sighed. It just wasn't right. In saving everyone, Steve had lost everything, and now what little peace he'd regained was being taken from him. If this <em>did</em> turn out to be Ivchenko's doing, there wasn't a hole in the ground the S.S.R. could throw him into that would be deep enough to keep her from tearing him to pieces. And if it wasn't Ivchenko… She took a long sip of her tea, thinking. If it wasn't Ivchenko, there was still someone she could hurt. She would just have to find out who. Schmidt would have been ideal, but since he was already dead, Zola would do.</p>
<p>The rest of the night passed slowly, but without incident. Peggy was too caught up in thought to really sleep, though she dozed off from time to time. Steve would moan or shift uneasily before falling back into a deeper sleep. Some time after sunrise, Mr. Jarvis poked his head in again.</p>
<p>"Good morning, Agent Carter," he said quietly. "I thought I should check in before beginning with breakfast. I assume the rest of the night passed peacefully?"</p>
<p>"It did, thank you," Peggy said. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please bring in another cold compress? It seemed to provide him some measure of relief last night, and I would like to have one handy in case the headache is still there when he wakes up."</p>
<p>"Of course," Mr. Jarvis said. "Breakfast and more tea as well?"</p>
<p>"Yes, please," Peggy said with a smile.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis returned not much later with a tray loaded down with breakfast, tea, and a cold compress sitting in a bowl of ice. "I brought tea and breakfast for two," he told her, setting the tray onto the table by the bed. "In case he wakes up soon. I can always bring more if his appetite was unaffected by his headache."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Mr. Jarvis," Peggy said, shifting to sit up straighter so she could reach the breakfast things. First things first, she poured herself another cup of tea, inhaling the rich aroma with a happy sigh. "Oh, Mr. Jarvis," she said with a smile. "If I could afford to pay what your talents are worth, I would steal you away from Howard in a heartbeat."</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis chuckled and blushed and left to prepare breakfast for the rest of the house.</p>
<p>Peggy was still savoring her tea when Steve started coming awake. He groaned, his eyes blinking open heavily. "Steve?" she asked, setting her teacup aside.</p>
<p>He blinked at her groggily, not seeming entirely awake. "Peggy?"</p>
<p>"I'm here," she replied, leaning in and putting a hand to his face. "How do you feel? Does your head still hurt?"</p>
<p>He blinked at her sleepily and licked his lips, then seemed to realize she'd asked him a question and shook his head. "No," he said.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?"</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>"Would you like some breakfast?"</p>
<p>He considered for a minute before nodding this time, then made a clumsy attempt to push himself into a sitting position. Peggy moved to help him, and together they got him upright, though his movements were sluggish and uncoordinated. He blinked dully at the room once he was upright, and Peggy sat back a bit and assessed him. It was an incredibly strong sedative Howard had given him—it had to be in order to be effective against the serum. There was no need yet to worry that Steve's lassitude was anything other than the result of the drug.</p>
<p>He bumped an uncoordinated hand against hers. "Eat?" he asked drowsily.</p>
<p>Peggy laughed. "I'm sorry; I did promise you breakfast, didn't I?"</p>
<p>He nodded heavily with a slight frown, clearly not seeing what was funny.</p>
<p>"Sorry," she said again. "Let me get you a plate."</p>
<p>She filled a plate for Steve and then one for herself, watching him as he ate. His hands were moving with less than their usual grace this morning, though he made up for it by moving slower than usual so as not to spill. Peggy made small talk as they ate, more to test his responsiveness than anything else, and he replied with nods and grunts and shakes of his head, which satisfied her that he was listening and comprehending.</p>
<p>Mr. Jarvis returned to see if they needed anything, greeting Steve cheerfully upon seeing that he was awake. Steve responded with, "Jarvis," and a smile, as he usually did. He grinned and nodded, "Please," when Mr. Jarvis asked if he would like him to bring him any more.</p>
<p>"Feeling better, are you?" Peggy asked, and Steve nodded, a bit more life back in his eyes.</p>
<p>The boys came in to check on them, then Dugan helped Steve shave. Once that was all finished, Steve seemed ready to be up and around. He was a bit wobbly as they started walking, but he had his feet under him by the time they got outside, and Peggy relaxed. Just the sedative, then. No harm done.</p>
<p>They went through their regular morning routine of sitting out by the pond and Steve sparring with Gabe, and though things seemed to be going alright, there was always someone near at hand. By the time teatime came around Steve had noticed how closely everyone seemed to be watching him and seemed to be slightly annoyed by it. He arched an eyebrow at Peggy and she felt her cheeks coloring as she chuckled.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, darling," she said with a smile. "Are we hovering too much?"</p>
<p>The arched eyebrow crinkled into a shape that seemed to ask, 'What do you think?'</p>
<p>Peggy chuckled again, and Jim snorted into his tea. "Sorry," she said again. She reached over and laid a hand on Steve's arm. "With the way your headaches have been coming lately, we're just worried about you. We want to make sure you're alright."</p>
<p>Steve's annoyed look softened, and he reached up and patted her hand. He smiled and nodded and returned his attention to his scone. Peggy turned back to her own tea thoughtfully. It was very like Steve to get irritated with the hovering—she needed only to think back to Bucky's reaction anytime Steve had been injured in combat to confirm that. It was rather less like Steve to simply accept that they were worried about him. Of course, he didn't really have the vocabulary to tell them not to worry, though if it really bothered him, Peggy suspected he would be able to get his meaning across. Perhaps he was accustomed to being worried about on some level—since waking up from the ice, that was really all he'd known.</p>
<p>The two of them were in the study again with about an hour left until lunch when his headache came back. It seemed milder at first—he winced and pressed a hand to the side of his head, but there was none of the screaming that had woken Peggy in the middle of the night.</p>
<p>"Steve?" Peggy asked, setting her report aside and rounding the table to rest a hand on his shoulder. Instead of responding, he twitched his head, and the fingers of his right hand started clenching and unclenching. "Do we need to go back and get your medication?"</p>
<p>His breath hitched and his head twitched again, then his jaw went slack and his eyes snapped open, looking focused on something very far away as his whole body started to shake. "Steve!" she called as his eyes rolled back in his head and the shaking turned to spasms. Her instinct was to grab him and try to hold him still, but she knew better than to try to restrain someone having a fit. She put her hands under his arms and helped him down to the floor so that he didn't fling himself out of the chair or into the table. "Aah!" she cried out as his head snapped back and cracked her in the jaw, but she didn't drop him. His back arched up and then slammed down into the floor, and Peggy moved so that her thigh was pillowing his head, keeping him from bashing it into the floor as he convulsed again. Then there was nothing to do but wait.</p>
<p>The next thirty seconds stretched out into eternity, the sound of Steve's body slamming itself into the floor echoing like gunshots in Peggy's ears. Then as abruptly as it started, it was over, and with a strangled gasp, Steve slumped into a boneless heap. If he wasn't still breathing hard, Peggy would have checked his pulse for signs of life, he'd gone so still. Carefully, she rolled him over onto his side, studiously ignoring the way her hands were shaking just a bit. "Howard!" she yelled, drawing in a deep breath. "I need help!"</p>
<p>She doubted Howard was near enough to hear, and she was right, Jim arrived first. Dugan and Mr. Jarvis weren't far behind.</p>
<p>"Sounds like you did everything right," Jim said, after she told him what happened. "There's not actually a lot we can do, other than let him rest and see what happens when he wakes up."</p>
<p>"Shouldn't we move him to his room?" Dugan asked.</p>
<p>"Let's give it a minute," Jim said. "See if he comes around. Ultimately, yeah, we'll probably need to get him back in bed, but if he can get there under his own steam, that's good."</p>
<p>"I'll go and fetch Mr. Stark," Mr. Jarvis said, then left.</p>
<p>"You think he's going to get himself back to bed?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Unconsciousness from seizures is usually pretty brief," Jim said. "Though I wouldn't be surprised if he was disoriented for a little while."</p>
<p>"You say 'usually' like this is some kind of normal thing," Dugan pointed out.</p>
<p>"I know," Jim sighed. "Nothing about this is normal. But what else do you want me to do?"</p>
<p>They all watched Steve sleep for a moment—and he did seem to be really and truly, peacefully, asleep. He was even snoring a little bit. Peggy massaged her leg thoughtfully. The force with which Steve had been slamming his head into her thigh had been considerable, and while she was glad it saved him from any further damage, she could already tell a bruise was starting to form.</p>
<p>Howard burst into the room, breathing hard. "What happened?" he demanded, crashing to his knees in front of Steve and reaching in to check his pulse and breathing.</p>
<p>Again, Peggy recounted what had happened. Howard was nodding thoughtfully along as she finished. "I was actually watching the scans—I know I'm supposed to be working on adjusting the scanner, but I'm still waiting on the part, and I was watching the scans trying to figure out what I wanted the display on the big machine to do. Anyway, I was watching them when this started happening. Everything was lighting up like a Christmas tree on the fritz."</p>
<p>"Can you tell what caused it?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"I'll have to actually study the scans first, but—"</p>
<p>"Cap?" Dugan said.</p>
<p>Peggy looked down to see Steve blinking groggily. He frowned at the floor, then rolled his head to look up. Confused lines furrowed across his brow when he saw them all looking at him.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" Peggy asked, resting a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>He didn't seem sure how to respond, so she and Dugan helped him sit up. He looked around at the four of them and at Mr. Jarvis hovering back in the doorway in case he needed to go get something, then at the chair behind him and the table above him, the furrow between his eyebrows only getting deeper. He made a little enquiring noise that was clearly wondering why he was on the floor.</p>
<p>"You had a seizure," Peggy said, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. "Do you remember?"</p>
<p>His frown deepened.</p>
<p>"You nearly fell off the chair," Peggy explained. "I moved you down here so you wouldn't hurt yourself."</p>
<p>"How's your head feel?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Steve considered. "Al-alright," he decided. He still looked confused.</p>
<p>"Why don't we get you into bed, maybe see about getting you something to eat, huh?" Howard suggested.</p>
<p>Steve considered again, then nodded thoughtfully and allowed Dugan to help him to his feet. He was wobbly going up, but seemed stable once he got there. Everyone was hovering so closely, Peggy suspected that even if he did fall he wouldn't go very far, but he made it back to his bed under his own power. Jim and Howard both seemed pleased about that. As his headache seemed to have vanished with the seizure, they didn't reinsert the IV for the pain medication. Howard did a few quick tests to check Steve's reflexes and reactions, and they all seemed in order. He still looked confused, though.</p>
<p>"That is pretty typical after a seizure," Jim pointed out.</p>
<p>"H-Howard?" Steve asked, looking around the room. Howard had left to look at the scans in more detail, and Steve hadn't noticed him go.</p>
<p>Jim frowned. "I don't know that the stuttering is normal, though." He looked at Steve, and leaned in a little to catch his eye. "Hey, Steve. It's okay—Howard went down to the lab. He'll be back soon."</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"Hey, do mind if I ask, do you know who I am?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded again.</p>
<p>Jim smiled patiently. "Can you say my name? I just want to check something." Peggy had noticed the stuttering as well, and she could see what Jim was after. The two words Steve had said so far didn't exactly constitute a pattern.</p>
<p>Steve still looked confused, but seemed to decide to humour Jim. "J-Jim," he said. He frowned. "Jim," he said again, dragging out the 'J' much longer than necessary, like he was getting stuck on it. "J-J-Jim," he tried one more time, stumbling once more on the first letter. The lines between his eyes deepened as concern replaced confusion.</p>
<p>Jim was frowning too. "That isn't good," he sighed.</p>
<p>"No, it isn't," Howard agreed from behind them, making them all jump. Bloody Nora, but the man was fast when he needed to be! He was holding a printout of one of the scans in his hand.</p>
<p>"What is it?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>He held up the scan, tapping at the area that had been worrying him earlier—the one that was staying dark. "This is where the seizure originated from," he said. "It was enough of a problem that this area wasn't coming back online, but now it's starting to effect the rest of his brain."</p>
<p>A knot began to form in Peggy's stomach. "How much of an effect?"</p>
<p>The look Howard gave her was not reassuring. "If it keeps up, I'd expect more seizures. More headaches. Worst case? He won't just have trouble learning—he's going to start losing stuff."</p>
<p>The knot in Peggy's stomach turned to lead.</p>
<p>"You can tell that from one scan?" Dugan asked.</p>
<p>"No; from a series of scans and the fact that he's stuttering now," Howard said.</p>
<p>"You said worst case," Peggy said. "How likely is the worst case?"</p>
<p>"Too early to tell," Howard said with a shrug.</p>
<p>"Is it treatable?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Maybe. I won't know until I finish the other machine and get a good look." Howard sighed. "If I can figure out what's causing the seizures, I ought to be able to stop it from getting worse."</p>
<p>They all nodded grimly, and Peggy heard what he wasn't saying. There was a possibility of stopping any deterioration, but he hadn't said anything about Steve getting better. She swallowed down a knot in her throat, because this was <em>so</em> not the time. "Right," she said briskly. "You'd better get back to work, then."</p>
<p>Howard nodded and left, and Jim went with him to see if he could help. Dugan left to go find Gabe and tell him what happened, and Mr. Jarvis went to get started on lunch. Peggy watched them go and allowed herself a brief moment to close her eyes and swallow down the waver in her throat before turning back around.</p>
<p>"Peg—Peggy?" Steve asked. She didn't think he'd understood everything Howard had said, but he'd definitely picked up the sudden tension in the room. And he was confused from the seizure and frightened by his newfound difficulty speaking, and the perplexed worry in his voice nearly broke Peggy's heart.</p>
<p>She hitched up as warm a smile as she could muster, then came and sat beside Steve on the bed. She opened her mouth to tell him it was alright, then closed it. She leaned against his shoulder instead, picking up one of his hands in both of hers. "How do you feel?" she asked him.</p>
<p>He frowned, considering, then gave an uncertain shrug.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "Jim said you might feel a bit off after having the seizure. Lunch and a bit of a sleep ought to help get your feet back under you."</p>
<p>He nodded, but the look in his eyes was small and sad and seemed to ask, 'What's happening to me?'</p>
<p>She sighed heavily. "Oh, I wish I could tell you everything was going to be alright." She sighed again. "I'm not sure what's going to happen, Steve. And it…it scares me that Howard isn't either." She squeezed Steve's hand tightly in hers. "But I'm here. Whatever happens next, I'm here. We're all here with you, and we're going to figure something out. I wish I could offer more, but that's all I've got."</p>
<p>Steve nodded slowly, then he slid his arms around her and pulled her close against his chest. "H-h-here," he whispered. He kissed the side of her face before burying his own face in her shoulder. "H-here."</p>
<p>Tears prickled in Peggy's eyes, and she hugged him back as tightly as she could. He didn't need to be comforting her right now, but he was. He was frightened, but he accepted her promise that she would be there and promised that he would too.</p>
<p>"Together," Peggy said, whispering the word that she knew he wished he could say. "We'll do this together."</p>
<p>For several minutes, they simply held on to each other. Peggy wondered what Steve was feeling. She knew for her part, she was terrified. The thought that he might never get any better was bad enough, but what if it got worse? What if he lost what little he did have? Would he lose the ability to speak completely? Would he…Would he deteriorate so badly that he no longer recognized her? She choked down a sob. She'd lost him once already. She didn't think she could bear to lose him again.</p>
<p>They broke the embrace at a sound from the hallway, which Peggy recognized as Mr. Jarvis being unusually noisy with the lunch cart. He must have come in and seen them, then backed out to give them the illusion of privacy as he approached again. Peggy couldn't find it in her at the moment to be embarrassed, but she appreciated the gesture.</p>
<p>She didn't eat much, though Steve seemed hungry as ever. She watched him as they ate, and she knew Mr. Jarvis was doing the same. Though he stumbled over his words when he said Mr. Jarvis's name or asked for more food, he seemed steady enough with his hands. So there was that, at least. Small blessings.</p>
<p>His eyelids were starting to flag as the meal ended, though he seemed uncertain about going to sleep. Peggy assured him that it would be alright if he did, then pulled his hat off as he settled back into the pillows and stroked her fingers through the soft bristles of his hair. It was only after a couple of minutes that she realized Mr. Jarvis was watching her. She wasn't sure what to say, and he smiled compassionately.</p>
<p>"It seems foolish to ask if you are alright, Agent Carter," he said. "So, instead, I shall simply ask if there is anything I can do to help."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "You really are a wonder, Mr. Jarvis. But I think what I want is a bit beyond what even you can do."</p>
<p>He nodded. "In that case, I shall leave you to your thoughts. But I would like to make a statement, if I may. A statement and an observation."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded for him to go on.</p>
<p>"The statement first, then. Having served Mr. Stark for many years now, I can say with confidence that he has yet to let a problem he deems himself responsible to fix go unsolved. For all his eccentricities, he is loyal and tenacious. He is not one to accept defeat. Though the situation as it stands appears grim, I can assure you the fight is not over."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled, inspired by his declaration in spite of herself. "And the observation?"</p>
<p>He smiled at her. "The observation?" He nodded down at Steve's sleeping form. "Merely that for all there is he doesn't know, he knows that he loves you. If crashing an aeroplane into the ice couldn't kill that, I don't think this will either." His smile quirked up apologetically for being so forward, then he nodded and left before Peggy could figure out what to say.</p>
<p>Once she was sure Steve was sleeping well, she got up and went to check in with Howard. A part of her wanted to sit there and simply hold Steve, but there was little for her to do but worry in the silence, and she thought making herself useful would be a better use of her time. She found Howard down in the lab—or, more precisely, she found his legs, as the rest of him was deep inside the scanner, muttering obscenities at uncooperative bits of machinery.</p>
<p>"The part arrived," Jim told her. "He's trying to attach it. I offered to get in there and do it since I'm smaller than him, but he's in one of his if-you-want-something-done-right-do-it-yourself moods," he added with a grin. "So I'm soldering wires instead. Want to help?"</p>
<p>He showed Peggy what they were attaching where, and they spent almost an hour working. After Jim asked how Steve was doing, they didn't talk about him or the situation anymore—until they could get answers, there wasn't much to do beyond speculate and worry. He caught her up instead on some more of what they'd been doing in Europe since the war ended, and she filled him in on her assignment with the S.S.R. office in New York. The conversation was pleasant, though it was punctuated by the odd expletive from somewhere down inside the machine. Eventually, they finished with their wiring, then Howard started waving his legs around and shouting for someone to pull him out.</p>
<p>"Alright," he said once he was on his feet again. His hair was sticking out in more directions than Peggy would have thought possible in only three dimensions. "Hard part's done. I oughta have this thing finished by dinner."</p>
<p>"Wonderful," Peggy said. She smiled at him. "Thank you, Howard."</p>
<p>He smiled softly. "I'm gonna fix this, Peg," he said.</p>
<p>"I know you are."</p>
<p>She left him and Jim to their work and went to check on Steve. To her surprise, he wasn't in his room. At least she didn't need to worry that he'd been kidnapped again—he'd made his bed before leaving, which she doubted a Hydra agent would give him time to do. She knew he knew his way around the house, and for all she knew, he was off doing something with Gabe or Dugan, but after this morning, she wanted to make sure she knew where he was. What if he was on his own somewhere and had another seizure?</p>
<p>She knew he liked drawing at the table in the study where they'd been this morning, so she thought she would check there first before going outside. Before she got there, though, she heard his voice coming from the bathroom a few doors down from his room. He was talking, but no one was replying, which Peggy thought was a bit odd, so she slowed down and peered carefully into the bathroom.</p>
<p>Steve was standing in front of the mirror, a look of great concentration on his face. "St-St-Steve," he said. He frowned. "St-Stee—eve." He was staring intently at the mirror, and Peggy realized he was watching himself speak. "St—" he began again. "St—" He hung his head, leaning heavily on the counter and drawing in a deep breath, and when he looked back up, the imploring look he was giving himself nearly broke Peggy's heart. "St-St-Steve," he tried again. "Ssssss-Sssteve." He slammed a fist into the counter, frustrated tears pooling in his eyes.</p>
<p>Peggy turned away from the door, suddenly feeling she was intruding on something private. She hurried down the hall and back into his room, not wanting him to look out and spot her and feel embarrassed he'd been overheard. "Oh, my darling," she whispered sadly, unable to shake the pleading look he'd been giving his reflection. What must it be like to be betrayed by your own body like that?</p>
<p>She flicked away the moisture in her eyes and checked her reflection in the window to make sure she hadn't messed up her makeup, then stepped back into the hallway. "Steve?" she called. He needed distracting, but she thought it would be polite to let him know she was coming. "Steve, are you here?"</p>
<p>He stepped out of the bathroom and she smiled. "There you are. You must be feeling better if you're up and about." That was a tad too much forced cheerfulness, but Steve didn't seem to notice, and he nodded in response. "I'm glad," she told him. "Would you like to go for a walk?"</p>
<p>He nodded and came to join her, and they walked in the direction of the French doors leading to the patio. Peggy watched him closely as they walked, and he was walking steadily and not looking confused any longer. He did seem preoccupied, but she could hardly blame him for that. When they reached the pond, they sat down on the bench. He looked at her and held out his hand, and she smiled and placed hers in it. With a small smile, he twined his fingers through hers and gave her hand a quick squeeze, then settled back a little more comfortably on the bench.</p>
<p>Peggy had never been one for empty platitudes, but she could see now why people gave in to the temptation—she wanted so badly to say something to make Steve feel better. But meaningless words seldom made anyone but their speaker feel better, so she held her tongue and just held Steve's hand.</p>
<p>"You know," she said after a little while. "My grandmother had a little pond in her garden. Nothing as elaborate as this one, of course, but there were a few fish and frogs, and it drew its share of birds. I used to love to play by it. There were loads of flowers around it—Gran was very keen on her flowers—and when I was small, I always thought it looked like the sort of place one might find a fairy. I got into a great deal of trouble once for climbing into the pond." She smiled at the memory. "It was a hot day, and I wanted to see if I could catch a frog and see if they really did have sticky feet like my brother told me. I got in trouble with Gran for disturbing her water lilies, and then again at home with Mum for getting pond scum all over my dress. I wasn't allowed any dessert for a week, but I hated that dress and Mum declared it ruined, so it wasn't a total loss."</p>
<p>Steve chuckled at that.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled and squeezed his hand. "I've always thought I'd like to take you there someday. Show you where I grew up." Peggy had never wanted to do that before with anyone, not even Fred. But it was something she'd always thought she would like to share with Steve. She'd never get to walk through Brooklyn with him and have him point out trees he used to climb or alleys he had played in, but she could still share her past with him. "We'll have to do it when you're well enough to travel," she decided. She grinned. "Who knows? I might even introduce you to my mother. She'll disapprove of you on principle for being American, but…" She shrugged. "She'll come around. You're very hard to dislike." She leaned in and kissed his cheek, and Steve was smiling when she pulled back, even blushing a little bit. She leaned in against his shoulder and he slid his arm around her, and she smiled. Mission accomplished. Somewhat to her surprise, she felt a bit better herself. She felt even better when Steve leaned in and pressed a kiss into her hair.</p>
<p>They sat there a while longer, and Peggy told him a few more stories of trouble she'd gotten into as a youngster. She certainly had plenty of those to share. They went back inside for afternoon tea, and it was there that trouble struck again. Just like that morning, Steve winced and pressed a hand to the side of his head again, and though Peggy was half-expecting it, it was no less frightening when the seizure started. Dugan helped her move Steve down to the floor, and this time, it was his leg that took the beating as Steve jerked up and down like he was attached to a live wire. Unlike that morning, dribbles of foam appeared on the sides of Steve's mouth, his face taking on a worrying bluish hue as his seizing lungs struggled to get in enough air. Unlike this morning, it was over a minute before the spasms stopped.</p>
<p>Jim jumped in to check his pulse and breathing once Dugan rolled him onto his side. "Okay," he said. "He's okay." He looked up at Peggy, and she shook her head. She'd told him in detail about the morning's seizure. This one was worse, and he sighed heavily in confirmation.</p>
<p>"What's the timeline on the scanner?" she asked quietly. She already knew this was getting worse. No need for Jim to say it.</p>
<p>"A couple more hours," Jim sighed.</p>
<p>"I hate to say it, but…" Dugan sighed. "Do we really think that will help? It didn't tell us anything before."</p>
<p>"It was looking for something different before," Peggy said, though she'd been having the same thought too.</p>
<p>Steve groaned, drawing all their eyes back to him, but he slept on.</p>
<p>"You want to leave him here until he wakes up again?" Dugan asked.</p>
<p>Jim nodded. "I want to see how he does getting up."</p>
<p>For a few minutes, there was nothing to do but watch Steve and try to force down the worry churning in her stomach. Peggy couldn't help noticing that it was taking him longer to come around than last time, but just as she was about to ask about it, he groaned into the floor again and blinked heavy eyelids open.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she said, resting a hand on his shoulder and leaning in so he could see her better. He frowned. "You had another seizure," she told him. "You're on the floor in the sitting room." His eyes roamed around the room, then blinked in acceptance of her statement. "Do you want to sit up?" A moment to deliberate, then a slow nod.</p>
<p>Once again, Dugan helped him into a sitting position. Peggy couldn't help noticing Steve's hands shaking as he placed his palms against the floor to push himself up.</p>
<p>"How you feeling, Steve?" Jim asked. "Does anything hurt?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"Is it your head?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>Steve shook his head. His hand still shaking, he gestured to his arms and tapped on his chest.</p>
<p>"That's probably from the seizure," Jim said. "Muscles tensing up and everything. That's normal."</p>
<p>Peggy wanted to retort that none of this was normal, but she refrained.</p>
<p>"You want to go back to your room?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>Steve seemed to have drifted off for a moment, but then he looked back at Jim and nodded again.</p>
<p>Gabe and Dugan hovered nearby in case his balance gave out getting up, and it became clear quite quickly that he was going to need help. Once on his feet, he leaned heavily on Gabe, though he moved his legs under their own power.</p>
<p>"Do you want your medicine?" Peggy asked him when they were back in his room.</p>
<p>He shook his head. Evidently, the aching muscles weren't too bad.</p>
<p>"What do you need, Cap?" Gabe asked. "What can we do?"</p>
<p>Steve opened his mouth, then closed it again. He sighed and shook his head. He still looked confused and frightened, and until they could figure out what was causing the seizures, there wasn't much they could do about that. Steve looked back up, meeting Gabe's eyes, and then looking at each of them in turn, his gaze lingering on Peggy. "Ss-ss-st-st-stay?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Sure thing, Cap," Dugan said, smiling warmly. He clapped him carefully on the shoulder. "We'll stay." Steve smiled at them gratefully.</p>
<p>They all moved to pull up chairs, but Steve held his hand out to Peggy. "P-p-peg-Peggy?" he asked softly.</p>
<p>Peggy took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere, Steve."</p>
<p>"H-h-h-h-here?" he asked hopefully, looking down at the mattress.</p>
<p>"Right here," she assured him. She sat down beside him, and he immediately threw his arms around her waist and nuzzled his face into her side, as he had done the other night after his nightmare. Peggy was startled by such a blatant gesture of affection in front of everyone, but she put her arms around him and started tracing her hand in soothing lines up and down his back. "It will be alright, darling," she said softly. "We're going to figure this out."</p>
<p>Steve nodded minutely, but stayed where he was, and when Peggy looked up, the other three were watching them sadly.</p>
<p>"So, uh," Jim began, taking his seat. "I feel like a broken record here, but this isn't good."</p>
<p>Gabe shot him a <em>look</em>, nodding his head in Steve's direction. "You trying to scare him?"</p>
<p>Jim sighed. "He knows it's not good. He's already scared," he added sadly.</p>
<p>"So, what isn't good?" Peggy asked, not stopping the motion her fingers were making on Steve's back. Obviously this wasn't good, but Jim wouldn't say it just to state the obvious. "Specifically."</p>
<p>Jim sighed. "His stuttering is worse. Motor control is worse. The seizures should <em>not</em> be this close together. And the fact that he's losing functionality after each one…" He shook his head.</p>
<p>Peggy had noticed the increase in stuttering, as well as the way Steve had had difficulty getting to his feet and walking, though she'd hoped the latter had more to do with exhaustion.</p>
<p>"What sort of solution are we looking at?" Dugan asked before Peggy could.</p>
<p>Jim sighed again. "I don't really know. I'm a field medic, not a doctor. But I don't see any way forward without surgery. To do what, I don't know—Stark will have to see what the scans tell him, but this is moving beyond the scope of time and rest to fix."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, instinctively pulling one hand up to wrap protectively around Steve's head. He hadn't looked up yet, but he was shaking a little bit less now. "Go and check in with Howard," she told him. "Tell him what's happened, and see if he has any ideas for stopping the seizures in the meantime." The fact that they frightened Steve was trouble enough, but the damage they seemed to be causing sent horrified waves of nausea rolling through Peggy's stomach.</p>
<p>Jim nodded and left. Dugan decided to fill the silence by finishing the story he'd been telling at tea, and it was a distraction from worrying, at least. It was hard not to worry with Steve curled up in her arms like a child, but Peggy tried to keep her focus on the words Dugan was saying and the way her fingers were moving up and down Steve's back.</p>
<p>Steve had stopped shaking by the time Jim came back, and a look down showed Peggy that he had fallen asleep.</p>
<p>"Howard thinks he'll be done in an hour or so with the machine," Jim said. "He's got some phenobarbital he could give Steve to counteract the seizures, but he said he'd prefer to wait—Steve needs to be awake for the scan, and the amount of phenobarbital he'd have to give him to work would put him under again."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. They should be alright for an hour. And Steve was asleep. She didn't know much about seizures, but she imagined it was harder for the brain to misfire when it was resting. She hoped that was the case, anyway.</p>
<p>Dugan and Gabe left with Jim, and while Peggy imagined they'd been uncomfortable watching her and Steve hold onto one another, she didn't have anything to distract her from her worrying now. "Oh, my darling, what's happening to you?" she whispered, leaning down and resting her head on top of Steve's. She wished she had something to fight. This was…One of the worst things about this was that there was nothing she could do. Peggy had never shied away from problems because she'd always been able to solve them before. Some of them took more time than others, but whether through physical force or clever thinking or sheer tenacity, there was always something she could <em>do</em>. Not being able to do anything felt as though she was failing Steve. Again.</p>
<p>Steve shifted in his sleep, cinching his arms a little tighter around her waist. An unexpected smile sprang to Peggy's face. That Steve felt safe with her was without question—even in his sleep, he was trying to get closer to her—and if there was nothing tangible she could do, she could at least do that much. And Mr. Jarvis had been right that morning. Steve really did love her. She loved him too. If they could survive the plane crash, they could survive this. She leaned down and kissed the top of Steve's head through his hat, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears prickling there. She loved Steve. That was why this hurt so much. They could get through this, but it was killing her to be unable to take his pain away.</p>
<p>Steve woke up a little bit later, and he seemed less confused, but still frightened. Peggy wondered how much of the seizure he remembered. He was speaking less too, communicating with his eyes or nods or shakes of the head when he could. She kept reminding herself that even though he'd stuttered more after the second seizure, he <em>had</em> spoken. It was likely (hopefully) just embarrassment or frustration keeping him from it now. Watching him attempt to force his words into compliance in the bathroom seemed like days ago.</p>
<p>"Would you like some tea?" Peggy asked him. "Since you didn't get to finish yours earlier."</p>
<p>Steve thought about it and nodded, giving her a grateful smile as she handed him a cup. The tea things had been cleared away, but Mr. Jarvis had brought her a fresh pot for her vigil. (She wouldn't be overly surprised if the man announced one day that he was telepathic.)</p>
<p>Steve drank his tea carefully, and Peggy couldn't help noticing the way his hand was shaking as he lifted the cup to his lips. That hadn't gone away while he slept as she'd hoped it would. Steve noticed her watching and looked down, setting the cup back onto its saucer with a soft <em>clink</em>.</p>
<p>"Oh, no, Steve," she said, not sure what to say but feeling awful. "Don't…" She swallowed. "Please look at me."</p>
<p>He raised his head.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," she said. "I know…I know you're having some trouble right now, and I can only guess at how upsetting that must be. But I don't…" She reached over and took his hand. "I don't think less of you for struggling. Please don't be embarrassed about it."</p>
<p>He blinked at her sadly.</p>
<p>"I don't know what's happening to you, but I swear to you—" She squeezed his hand tightly. "I <em>swear</em> we are going to figure it out. And once we've gotten rid of your pain…" Her voice started to waver, and she took a second to swallow it down. "You shall always be enough for me as you are, my darling. If you never manage to say that twenty-third word; if your hands and your voice carry on shaking for the rest of your life…You'll still be enough. You'll still have me. You'll <em>always</em> have me. And there will never be anything you can do that will make me think less of you."</p>
<p>Steve's eyes were shining now, and when she finished speaking he threw himself forward and flung his arms around her, pulling her so tight against his chest she could barely breathe. She felt moisture seeping through the fabric of her blouse as he cried into her shoulder. Her arms were pinned between them, so she couldn't hug him back, but she leaned into him and rested her head against him.</p>
<p>"Peg-p-p-peg-p-Peggy," he whispered into her hair, and despite the stutter, the word was soft and warm. He pulled back, eyes glistening but no longer crying, and he smiled and cupped her cheeks. "P-p-p-Peggy," he whispered again, and he leaned forward and kissed her. He was still smiling when he pulled away, gratitude shining in his eyes as he reached up and tucked a wayward lock of hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled and leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. "We're going to be alright, Steve," she told him. "You and I, together. Somehow, we're going to be alright."</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and he seemed calmer when he let go of her and settled back. Peggy picked up his tea cup and held it out to him, and he smiled sheepishly and took it. His hand still shook as he drank it, but neither of them said anything more about it.</p>
<p>About half an hour later, Howard appeared. His hair was a mess, and his shirt, arms and face were smeared with streaks of grease, but he was grinning. "I finished it," he announced.</p>
<p>"Brilliant," Peggy said, feeling hope flutter in her chest. They still didn't know what was wrong, but they had the means to find out now. "Can we do it now?"</p>
<p>"Yep," Howard said. "That's why I'm here." He nodded at Steve. "Can he walk down there, or do I need to go find the wheelchair?"</p>
<p>"Let's give walking a try," Peggy said. "Though we might need Dugan to serve as a crutch." She would do it herself if she wasn't worried her shoulder might give out underneath him and make him fall. And Dugan was strong enough to keep him upright if his legs gave out completely.</p>
<p>Howard left to find the boys, and Peggy turned back to Steve. "Do you think you can get up?" She asked. "Howard wants to try something in the lab."</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and using the headboard of the bed, pushed himself up to his feet. He stood still for a moment, taking stock, then nodded.</p>
<p>Peggy held out her hand and he took it, twining his fingers through hers. "Come on," she said, moving for the door. "Let me know if you have any trouble. We can take it as slow as you need."</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and they started walking. His legs weren't shaking, she was pleased to note, and though his steps were a bit slower and more deliberate than usual, he was walking steadily and didn't seem to need to lean on anything. Dugan and Gabe met them in the hallway.</p>
<p>Peggy tried to explain to Steve what it was they were going to do as they walked. She wasn't entirely sure how Howard's machine was going to work, so she kept it simple. She mentioned the scanner several times, gauging his reaction, and it seemed either that he was untroubled by the prospect or it was still too technical and he wasn't fully comprehending what she was trying to say without a visual. She suspected it might be the latter.</p>
<p>Her suspicions were confirmed when they arrived in the lab. Howard and Jim were prepping the machine and it was humming loudly (though not as loudly as Peggy knew it was going to get), and Steve stopped walking, his muscles growing tense.</p>
<p>"Steve?" she said. "Steve, look at me."</p>
<p>Reluctantly, he pulled his eyes away from the scanner and looked down at her.</p>
<p>"Yes," she said. "We do want you to get into the scanner. It's going to be loud and confined, and you're going to have to lie very still for a while. But we need to do this. It will help Howard work out what's causing your headaches and the seizures."</p>
<p>Steve glanced back at the machine nervously.</p>
<p>"Howard's not going to hurt you," she told him, squeezing his hand. "This isn't going to be fun, but it won't hurt. I promise."</p>
<p>He looked back at her.</p>
<p>"I'll be right here," she promised. "Dugan and Gabe too, if you like." She imagined Jim would be helping with operating the machine.</p>
<p>Steve still didn't look convinced.</p>
<p>"You trust me, don't you?" she asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded immediately, and she couldn't help but smile at that.</p>
<p>"So, you know that I wouldn't ask you to do this without a very good reason. This will help you, Steve. We need to do it."</p>
<p>Steve swallowed, then drew in a deep breath and nodded.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled at him warmly and squeezed his hand again. "Good man," she said. "Come on."</p>
<p>Howard stepped forward to meet them, smiling and offering Steve reassurances. He talked him through the whole procedure, and while some of it may have gone over his head, the reassuring smile seemed to go a long way. Howard instructed whoever was staying in the room with Steve to remove any metal on their persons and leave it in another room—buttons, jewelry, watches, underwire (this last was said with a smirk in Peggy's direction and something akin to his familiar salacious grin, and she smacked him none too gently on the shoulder). Peggy removed her belt, earrings and watch, and placed them out in the hallway (she was not wearing anything containing underwire today, fortunately). It took Dugan much longer to divest himself off all the various bits of weaponry he had stored on his person.</p>
<p>Steve got up onto the rolling table and laid down, eyeing the machine above him nervously. He couldn't contain a small whimper when Howard began attaching an additional piece of framework over his head.</p>
<p>"Don't worry, pal," Howard told him. "This isn't going to touch you, or hurt or anything like that. Granted, it looks kind of like a cage, and I'm sorry about that, but since we're kind of on the clock, it was the fastest design to come up with."</p>
<p>"What does it do?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"It helps direct the signals and refine things," Howard said.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, stepping forward to squeeze Steve's hand. He squeezed it back awfully tightly.</p>
<p>"Alright, last thing…" Howard said, putting the last piece of framework into place and fishing in his shirt pocket. "Ah! These will help a little bit with the noise," he told Steve, holding up two small foam earplugs. "It's really loud, and your hearing's really sensitive, so it won't block the noise completely, but it will help. Now, before I put them in, remember, you need to stay still in there, okay?"</p>
<p>He waited for Steve to nod.</p>
<p>"As still as you can. It'll mess up the scans otherwise. Now, Peggy's not going to be able to hold your hand because we gotta put you deeper inside the machine, but she can hold on to your foot, alright?"</p>
<p>Peggy let go of Steve's hand and moved down to his foot so he could feel her there.</p>
<p>"Okay?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Steve swallowed and nodded.</p>
<p>"Okay," Howard said, patting his shoulder. He helped him fit the earpieces into his ears, then stepped away. "Here," he said, pulling out more and offering a pair to each of the three of them. "It won't be as loud out here for you as it will in there for him, but you might want these."</p>
<p>Peggy and Dugan each took a pair and put them in, then each took hold of one of Steve's feet. Gabe stood back between them so that Steve could see him if he looked that way.</p>
<p>Howard moved to where Jim was waiting in another room behind a window. There was a bank of machinery in there that operated the scanner—all of it was new to accommodate whatever Howard's adjustments had been, and Peggy took a moment to be impressed at how quickly he had put it all together.</p>
<p>Howard picked up a little microphone and tapped it. "Okay," he said, his voice coming through a speaker in the ceiling. "We're moving him in."</p>
<p>The whirring noise of the machine got louder and the table Steve was on began retracting back into the machine. Peggy and Dugan stepped forward slowly with it, keeping hold of his feet.</p>
<p>"Powering up," Howard said once Steve's upper body was all inside. Peggy hadn't been able to hear the humming with the ear plugs in, but now the noise got louder and she felt the muscles in Steve's foot clench as he tensed. She brought her second hand up to join the one already holding him, patting the top of his foot reassuringly.</p>
<p>"And…Starting the scan," Howard said.</p>
<p>The noises in the machine changed as the pieces inside it started moving. Peggy leaned forward a bit to look inside—Steve was lying in a smooth white chamber, his eyes shut tight against the light. The framework around his head sat there benignly, not sparking or vibrating, for which she was glad. That would have undoubtedly made him more nervous. He was lying very still, breathing slow and deep trying to keep his calm. Peggy wished she could talk to him and reassure him, but she didn't think he'd be able to hear her. She started massaging his foot instead, mindful not to tickle him and make his leg jerk.</p>
<p>"Starting scan number two," Howard said after a few minutes, his voice a little harder to hear now that the machine was going. Peggy wondered if he was taking a different sort of scan, or taking multiples for accuracy's sake.</p>
<p>After about thirty minutes, the room got abruptly quieter as the machine powered down. "Done!" Howard announced.</p>
<p>The table started moving again, sliding Steve out of the machine this time. Peggy pulled the earplugs out and moved up to take Steve's hand as soon as it was in reach. He was still lying still and breathing hard, though his eyes were open now, frantic questions darting through them as he looked up at her and Dugan.</p>
<p>"You did it, Cap," Dugan said, clapping him warmly on the shoulder.</p>
<p>"All done," Peggy confirmed. She patted his shoulder and reached up between the bits of framework to remove his earplugs. "It's over now."</p>
<p>"Ow-ow-out?" Steve pleaded.</p>
<p>"Yes, we'll get you out," Peggy said. Steve had done very well, and she didn't think it would be fair to ask it of him to keep lying still until Howard could remove the framework around his head. She looked at Dugan. "Grab his legs and slide him forward until he's out of there," she said. The frame was around his head and not touching it, and if they could slide him out from underneath it, they could get him out without damaging the machine.</p>
<p>Dugan nodded and took his legs, pulling him forward smoothly until his head was free. Steve sat up immediately and jumped off the table, and Dugan had to reach out a hand to steady him as he landed a little unevenly on his feet. "You alright?" he asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded, smiling at Dugan gratefully. He extended the same grateful smile to Gabe, then turned and stepped forward and put his arms around Peggy.</p>
<p>"It's alright, it's over now," Peggy told him, hugging him tightly. She pulled back enough so he could see her smile. "You did very well."</p>
<p>She guided him over to sit in a chair well away from the scanner. Mr. Jarvis appeared as if from thin air to offer them tea while they waited, and they all pulled up a chair to sit with Steve while Howard printed and deciphered the scans. The tea seemed to calm Steve further as he sat there with his hands wrapped around the warm cup.</p>
<p>They talked about inconsequential things as they waited, Dugan and Gabe arguing over the baseball game that would be on the radio tomorrow. They'd barely begun to make their points when Howard and Jim appeared.</p>
<p>"That didn't take long," Dugan said.</p>
<p>"Nope," Jim said, pulling up a chair.</p>
<p>"With a good scan, the answer is blindingly obvious," Howard said, knocking a stack of files off the corner of the nearest table and dropping down to sit on top of it. He brandished a printout of one of the scans. "Take a look at that," he said, jabbing his finger at the image.</p>
<p>The image in his hand was nothing short of spectacular—Peggy had never seen anything like it. Instead of the fuzzy areas of light and dark the previous scans had shown, this one was sharp and crisp. Steve's skull was outlined in a bright white ring around the shades of grey that showed the contours and shapes of his brain tissue.</p>
<p>"Whoa," Gabe breathed.</p>
<p>Peggy had to agree, both with Gabe and Howard. The image itself was remarkable, and it was clear enough that even with her limited medical knowledge could tell what the problem was. "There's something in there," she said.</p>
<p>On the left side of the image—the part of Steve's head he always put his hand to when he had a headache—was a bright white, sharp little shape. Its angular edges stood out in sharp contrast to the smooth grey curves of brain tissue.</p>
<p>Dugan growled. "Ivchenko really did put something in there."</p>
<p>"Actually, I don't think he did," Howard said. "Steve's head hadn't been cut open when you found him, remember?"</p>
<p>"Then what is it?" Peggy asked. "And how did it get in there?"</p>
<p>"I think," Howard started, though he stopped when Steve made an enquiring sound and held out a hand. "Oh, sure, pal," Howard said. He handed him the scan, and Steve took it and sat back, setting his tea cup down to study it curiously. "Anyway," Howard said. "I think it's been there since the crash. I think it's a bone fragment."</p>
<p>"A bone fragment?" Peggy repeated.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard said. "A piece of Steve's skull."</p>
<p>"Yes, I know what a bone fragment is, thank you," Peggy said. "But why is it there? He was in surgery for thirty-seven hours and they left a piece of bone inside his head?"</p>
<p>"Well, yes, but I think I know why they missed it," Howard said. "It's really small, and you…you didn't see it, Peg," he said, his voice catching just a little. "His skull was only broken in that one spot but there were—there were a lot of pieces. Based on where this one is and where the original injury was, I think the force of the impact shoved this back into his brain, but with the way he heals, the tissue actually started to close back over it by the time we got him to New York and the docs got that far into the surgery. They wouldn't have known it was there."</p>
<p>"But it's so near the edge," Peggy insisted, outwardly calm but still seething internally at the doctor who had missed this and caused Steve all this pain.</p>
<p>"It is now, yeah," Jim said. "But we took a lot of different kinds of scans from different angles. When you look at all of them, you can actually see a line in the brain tissue—this thing started off deeper in, and as his brain's kept healing, it actually started pushing it out."</p>
<p>"It might have been even deeper," Howard said. "Some of the scar tissue we could see was pretty faint—it's healing up behind it as it pushes it. And I think it started pushing it out right around the time I noticed his scans quit changing."</p>
<p>"Why?" Gabe wondered.</p>
<p>"Well, think about it. The rest of his brain was healing up pretty good. But it got as far as it could go without this section, so then it starts working on getting the obstruction out. The bone fragment was stationary until then, so it was only causing those milder headaches, but once it started to move, it started ramping up the trouble it was causing. That line of scar tissue was caused by that sharp little piece of bone moving through some very delicate tissue."</p>
<p>Peggy winced at the unpleasant image that conjured up.</p>
<p>"Now it's near the edge, but his skull is back in one piece and there's nowhere for it to go," Howard went on. "But it's not in the position it was before, where his brain was starting to figure out how to work around it, so it's obstructing pathways that aren't used to it and messing up the signals his brain is trying to send itself. That's what's causing the seizures and the stuttering and everything. And that's why the headaches are worse—the tissue is swelling up against the inside of his skull, and there's this little sharp piece pressing into all of it."</p>
<p>"So if you take it out…" Peggy said, hoping this was going where she thought it was.</p>
<p>"The headaches and the seizures will stop, and as the scar tissue heals, he ought to get back to where he was before when he was learning so quickly," Howard said.</p>
<p>Peggy grinned, her smile echoed on the beaming faces of the Howlies. "Howard, that's brilliant," she declared.</p>
<p>Howard smiled, though it faded a little bit and he looked down. "Yeah. I just…You've been worried about his headaches the whole time, and if I'd taken them as seriously as you had from the start, we might have been able to get on this a lot earlier." He looked back up at her. "I'm sorry I didn't listen."</p>
<p>Peggy reached over and squeezed his arm. "It's getting fixed now," she said. "That's what matters."</p>
<p>"So, what's the next step?" Gabe asked. "Do we call the surgeons from before back in?"</p>
<p>"No," Howard said. "I can do it."</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Peggy asked. She wasn't inclined to think highly of the doctors for their first mistake, but they <em>were</em> trained in the area. Howard, for all his brilliance, was not.</p>
<p>"I am," Howard said. "This isn't just about fixing my pride," he added, holding up a hand as if he anticipated her protest. "The thing is close enough to the surface of his brain, I won't have to dig very deep. And I'm more familiar with Steve's anatomy and how he works than any of those guys. I can do it."</p>
<p>Peggy studied him carefully, then decided she believed him and nodded. He had been meticulous about Steve's care so far, and for all that he <em>did</em> have pride, he also knew when to ask for help. If he thought he could do it, she believed him. "How soon?" she asked.</p>
<p>"Tomorrow morning," he said. "I'll need some time to get a sterile room set up, and I should eat something and get some sleep before doing it."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. That seemed wise.</p>
<p>"Steve shouldn't eat anything, though," Howard continued. "He should have an empty stomach before going under."</p>
<p>They all looked back at Steve, who had been very quiet through the whole discussion. He was still studying the scan curiously, but he looked up when he noticed them all watching them. He held up the scan, then pointed to it and pointed to his head. "St-st-s-st-Steve?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Howard said. "That's your head."</p>
<p>Steve looked at it a moment longer, then tapped the image at the front of the skull, then tapped his own head in the same spot.</p>
<p>"Uh huh," Howard said, confirming that Steve had the orientation right. Peggy wondered what Steve was getting at.</p>
<p>Steve tapped the image again, this time above the little fragment of bone, then tapped the left side of his head. "H-h-hur-hurts," he said. He tapped the scan again. "H-h-h-hurts?" he asked.</p>
<p>"That's right," Howard said, looking a little surprised. "That's what's making your head hurt."</p>
<p>Steve nodded, then frowned down at the image.</p>
<p>"What we're gonna do," Howard said. "We're gonna put you to sleep, then I'm going to open your head back up. I'm gonna go in and get that out, and close everything back up again. That sound alright with you?"</p>
<p>Steve considered for a moment, and Peggy wasn't sure if he was thinking over Howard's proposal or trying to make sure he understood it. "N-n-no mo-m-m-more h-h-h-hurt?" he asked at last.</p>
<p>"That's right, pal," Howard said softly. "No more hurt."</p>
<p>Relief and desperation warred for dominance over Steve's expression, and Peggy's heart clenched in her chest at the pleading way he looked at Howard. "P-p-p-pl-<em>please</em>," Steve begged.</p>
<p>Howard had to swallow down a catch in his throat before he could answer. "Tomorrow," he promised. "First thing tomorrow."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>The mystery is solved! Howard has figured it out, but that's only the first step. There's still that tricky little piece of bone in Steve's brain to contend with. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Next week: Brain surgery and its results, and the exciting conclusion to our story!</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, they have a plan. But how successful will this surgery be? Let's find out...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>As elation at the idea that this would soon be fixed started to wane, nervous anticipation began to set in. There was nothing to do but wait for tomorrow morning. Peggy found herself too worked up to eat much in the way of dinner. Steve was having the opposite problem—he was very unhappy that he was not allowed to eat. He stared longingly at Peggy's plate as she pushed bits of chicken and potatoes around with her fork.</p>
<p>Peggy suspected it was probably rude to eat in front of Steve when he couldn't, but he hadn't been keen on her leaving him in his room either, so she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it. "I'm sorry, darling," she told him. "I know you're hungry, but it can't be helped. You're not supposed to eat before the procedure tomorrow."</p>
<p>Steve inclined his head in reluctant agreement and made a little 'hmph' noise.</p>
<p>Peggy bit her lip and tried not to smile. "After the surgery, you can eat as much as you like. I promise." She nodded to the ever-present teapot Mr. Jarvis had left. Steve wasn't allowed food, but Howard had said liquids were acceptable. "More tea?" she offered.</p>
<p>Steve accepted another cup, though he continued to glare at Peggy's plate as he drank it. Though she didn't want to eat it all, she made herself finish it so as not to rub the existence of her dinner in Steve's face.</p>
<p>The boys came in for a bit of a chat, and they all sat around Steve's bed for a while. Everyone was in good spirits at the prospect of a successful surgery tomorrow, though they kept a close eye on Steve. His first two seizures had come close enough together, they could not discount the possibility of a third before tomorrow morning. (That was why they were keeping him in bed this evening, instead of being out in the rest of the house like normal.) After dinner, Howard decided the best course of action would be a dose of phenobarbital—it would hopefully prevent any seizures during the night, and he was already in bed, so he may as well be asleep anyway.</p>
<p>Steve let Howard administer the drug without complaint. It would take a little time to put him out, so he settled down into bed and Peggy picked up the book she'd been reading to him in the evenings. "Shall we go on with this?" she asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded and she began to read. The medicine was taking him slowly, and though his eyelids were slowly growing heavy, he would roll his head and look up expectantly at Peggy if she stopped reading, so she carried on. When his eyes finally fluttered closed, Peggy set the book aside and reached up to adjust his blanket. He raised his hand to catch hers, his eyes blinking halfway open sleepily.</p>
<p>"Is everything alright?" Peggy asked him.</p>
<p>He gave her a drowsy smile and lifted her hand up to his lips, kissing the back of her fingers gently. He sighed deeply, a breath of air that sounded like "Peggy," and his eyes drifted shut again. He was still holding her hand. Still smiling.</p>
<p>Peggy squeezed his hand and settled back into her chair, not pulling loose of his grip. There was a lot to be excited about and a lot to worry about regarding tomorrow, but for now, she just looked at him. She hadn't done that enough during the war. She'd always told herself there would be time enough after, time for her and Steve to just take one another in and just <em>be</em>. She sat there for a long time just watching him sleep.</p>
<p>The next morning, for all its importance, took her by surprise. She'd fallen asleep in the chair, and was now being woken by the sunlight coming in the window. She blinked her eyes open, and there was Steve, lying in bed and just looking at her with a soft smile on his face.</p>
<p>"Good morning," she said, stretching and sitting up straighter. "Were you watching me sleep?"</p>
<p>Steve's soft smile got a little wider.</p>
<p>Peggy imagined she looked something of a mess, but it was hard to bother about it when he was looking at her like that. "You're such a sap," she told him playfully. She sat up a little straighter. "How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>Steve's stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly, and she laughed. Steve narrowed his eyes at her in an expression that seemed to say this was an entirely avoidable problem, and she laughed again.</p>
<p>"Sorry, my darling," she said. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Let me go and see about Howard and what his time table is. Perhaps you're allowed another cup of tea."</p>
<p>She found Howard in the dining room shoveling down his breakfast. "Hiya, Peg!" he greeted, giving her quite the view of the half-chewed scrambled eggs in his mouth.</p>
<p>Peggy wrinkled her nose. "Charming. I can see why you're so popular with the girls."</p>
<p>Howard let out a snort of laughter, but closed his mouth. "Room's all set up," he told her after he swallowed. "Steve awake?"</p>
<p>"Yes," she replied. "And terribly hungry. I know he's not allowed food, but can he have some tea this close to the procedure?"</p>
<p>"Best not," Howard said. "Let me just finish eating, though, and we can get going. He'll be unconscious in half an hour and he won't have to worry about it."</p>
<p>He returned to his breakfast, and Peggy snagged a piece of toast off the side of his plate and ate it quickly as she walked back down the hall. When she got back to Steve's room, Jim was there with him.</p>
<p>"Oh, good!" he said. "There you are. Howard's about ready, so I was going to go ahead and get Steve prepped."</p>
<p>"Excellent. Are you ready, Steve?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded, and they both gave him a hand to help him up out of bed. His hands did still tremble a bit in Peggy's grip, but like yesterday, he was able to walk unaided as long as he went slowly. Jim led them to a room just off the main laboratory that was fairly empty but for an operating table in the middle. Steve eyed the lights above the table a bit warily—they did look not unlike the ones that had been attached to his chair in Ivchenko's lab—but he seemed more curious than nervous. Peggy wondered how much of what was about to happen he really understood—she knew that if it was her, she would be incredibly nervous at the idea that someone was about to open up her skull. But then, for all he didn't know, Steve wasn't stupid. Perhaps he really just trusted Howard that much.</p>
<p>"Does he need to change?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Nah," Jim said. "Pj's are pretty close to a hospital gown, and they don't cover his head anyway. He can leave these on. So, we're gonna start by taking some vitals, okay?" he said, turning to Steve. He had Steve sit on the end of the table, and he checked his pulse and his breathing and made a few other notes on a chart. Steve watched curiously as Jim attached some monitoring leads through the gaps between the buttons on his shirt, wiggling his fingers experimentally after Jim clipped a pulse ox to his index finger.</p>
<p>Jim looked at Peggy. "I'm about to get started on the sedatives and anesthetic. You, uh, you want a minute or anything?"</p>
<p>"Yes, please," Peggy said, touched that he had asked.</p>
<p>Jim nodded and moved out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Steve watched him go, then looked at Peggy curiously.</p>
<p>Peggy sighed and wrapped her hands around the one of his that didn't have the pulse ox on it. "Steve," she said. "I love you. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>Steve smiled warmly and nodded.</p>
<p>Peggy smiled back. "Good." She sighed again. "I have no reason to think this won't go well, it's just…Well, it's in the nature of my job to always plan for contingencies. And I…" She stopped. Steve wasn't worried and there was no point in worrying him when there was nothing he could do to change the outcome. "I love you," she said instead. She cupped a hand around the back of his head and kissed him deeply. "That's really all I wanted to say."</p>
<p>Steve smiled at her warmly, then leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. He reached up and tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her cheek before dropping his hand.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door, then Jim came back in, followed by Dugan, Gabe and Howard. The boys all gave him hearty claps on the shoulder and handshakes, wishing him well. Howard made sure he had everything he needed, then shooed them out, though he allowed Peggy to stay until Steve fell asleep.</p>
<p>Jim helped Steve up onto the operating table and had him lie down. Steve didn't seem very sure about the mask Jim fitted over his nose and mouth, but Peggy squeezed his hand and Jim smiled and assured him it would be alright.</p>
<p>"Easy as one, two, three," he told him. "Just breathe in, and you'll be asleep before you know it. Then when you wake up, everything will be fine."</p>
<p>Steve nodded and allowed Jim to secure the mask. Jim stepped back to start the anesthetic flowing, and Peggy watched as Steve's eyes slowly fluttered shut and the last little sliver of blue disappeared.</p>
<p>"Alright, out you go, Peg," Howard said. He smiled at her. "I know there's not much point in telling you not to worry, but he's in good hands."</p>
<p>"I know he is," Peggy said, nodding at Jim to let him know he was included in that as well. "I trust you both. Good luck." She left the room as Howard started scrubbing his hands.</p>
<p>She didn't know how long the surgery was going to take, and she didn't want to just sit there with nothing to do but fret, so she changed her clothes and went outside to the pavilion by the swimming pool and spent an hour or so beating the hell out of one of Howard's punching bags. (She'd considered asking one of the boys to spar, but she had a lot of pent up energy and worry, and she just wanted to get it out, not break a friend's face.) After that, she had a good wash, and then tea was ready. She took hers in the study with a stack of work for Phillips that she had been neglecting in the past few days. She threw herself into the work wholeheartedly, and came away with the location of another Hydra safehouse for her trouble, as well as some dates for future operations that she had Mr. Jarvis send off to Colonel Phillips at once.</p>
<p>"Lunch time," Dugan said, popping his head into the study. "You at a stopping point?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I think so," Peggy said. "And I <em>am</em> hungry. Any news?"</p>
<p>Dugan snorted. "Yeah, they finished the surgery and none of us came to tell you." He chuckled. "We're not stupid, Pegs."</p>
<p>Peggy laughed. "Oh, I know. I was trying to distract myself, and I hadn't realized how much time had flown by."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you'd think after five hours they'd be done," Dugan agreed. "I mean, I know you gotta be careful around the brain, but that little piece of bone didn't look that big. You'd think they could just…" He mimed picking something delicately up with his fingertips, then tossing it aside.</p>
<p>"I agree," Peggy said. "But perhaps that's why you and I are not brain surgeons."</p>
<p>Dugan laughed and steered her toward the patio where Mr. Jarvis was setting out the lunch things.</p>
<p>"Assuming this all goes as we're hoping," Peggy said, tucking into a delicious steak and kidney pie. "What does the next assignment look like for you lot?"</p>
<p>"I reckon we'll be around here for a little longer," Gabe said. "Ivchenko's down for the count, but since we don't know who else Hydra has out there, it seems smart to stick around a while. Just to make sure Cap's safe." He took a long swallow of lemonade. "After that, probably back to Europe."</p>
<p>"Back to the tents and K-Rations," Dugan said with a sigh. He eyed the tray in the middle of the table, then helped himself to a seventh chicken pie as if in preparation for the future deprivation. "Although," he said. "I do enjoy punching Nazis and blowing their stuff up. So, it's not all bad."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled. "Well, I shall miss you when you go. It really has been wonderful having the three of you here."</p>
<p>They smiled at her. "We'll miss you too, Pegs," Dugan said. "You could always join us, you know. Not right away, obviously, but once Cap's back on his feet again. If you ever get tired of the paperwork."</p>
<p>Peggy laughed. "Believe me, I've had enough paperwork to last me a life time already. But there's important work to be done here. The S.S.R. has to reshape itself into a peacetime entity—there's lots of evil in the world to stamp out, but we've got to change our methods up."</p>
<p>"Yeah, Phillips was talking about that," Gabe said. "I think all the politicking with the suits on the Hill is giving him an ulcer, but I can see why he picked you to help him with it."</p>
<p>"Fifty bucks says she's running the joint once the old man retires," Dugan said.</p>
<p>Gabe snorted. "I'm not taking that bet. Do I look like the kind of guy who can afford to lose fifty bucks?"</p>
<p>They carried on joking until the end of the meal, and Peggy was reminded of nights during the war around the campfire. She did miss this, the camaraderie and the team; and bludgeoning her problems with a blunt object did always seem to yield quicker results. But she'd meant it what she said, that the work they were doing here was important. If they did this right, they could really make a difference, and Peggy had high hopes for that.</p>
<p>As the meal was finishing, Mr. Jarvis appeared in the door to the house with the demure, unobtrusive and yet immediately attention-grabbing cough of a first-class butler. "I thought you should know," he said. "That Captain Rogers has been moved out of surgery. Mr. Stark and Corporal Morita are getting him settled in his room."</p>
<p>They all pushed back from the table quickly and hurried inside. They found Howard and Jim in Steve's room, finishing up with the bags of medication hanging from the IV rack. Steve was in bed, propped up against a pile of pillows and looking more or less unchanged for the procedure, save the layer of bandages circling his head. Some of his short, bristly hair was sticking out the top, and though it was thoroughly unimportant in the scheme of things, Peggy was glad for that, because she knew it would make Steve happy. There was also the contraption on his face, which looked like a mask, but different to the one Jim had used to put him under.</p>
<p>"How did it go?" Peggy asked, her eyes still on Steve, taking stock of everything. He was asleep and breathing deeply and calmly and didn't appear to be in any pain.</p>
<p>"It went well," Howard said. "Got in there clean. Enough of the bone was still embedded in the brain tissue that it took some fiddling to get it out, but we were careful. It all came out in one piece, and I ran the scan again to make sure I didn't miss anything. He's all clear."</p>
<p>Peggy felt the muscles in her chest unclenching in relief. "What's the mask for?" She imagined Steve would need his painkillers until the surgical wounds healed, but they'd already discovered those were best delivered intravenously.</p>
<p>"It's not a mask; it's a feeding tube," Jim said.</p>
<p>Gabe grimaced. "You mean that goes up his nose and down into his stomach?"</p>
<p>Jim nodded and Dugan made a noise that sounded like '<em>hrrk</em>!'</p>
<p>"A feeding tube?" Peggy repeated. "How long are you expecting him to be unconscious for?"</p>
<p>"At least three days," Howard said. "He's already missed about a day's worth of meals, and with the way his metabolism works, not feeding him for that long would actually slow the healing process down."</p>
<p>"I mean, I guess I don't know from brain surgeries, but that seems like a long time to be out," Dugan said.</p>
<p>"It's intentional," Howard said. He pointed to the IV needle inserted into the back of Steve's left hand. "I've got him on a sedative to make sure he stays out. Partly just so he'll sleep through the worst of the pain. I <em>did</em> just cut a hole in his head. Mostly, it's to help him heal, though. I don't want that piece of his skull to shift while it's fusing back together. And he can't move if he's unconscious, so…" He shrugged.</p>
<p>"If that's your reasoning, do you think three days will be enough?" Peggy asked. She knew Steve healed faster than other people, but it had taken more than three days for his other broken bones to heal.</p>
<p>"It kind of has to be," Jim put in. "He really shouldn't be on the sedative longer than that."</p>
<p>Howard nodded. "And the bone in his skull isn't as thick as the bones in his leg," he said as if he'd read her thoughts. "It would heal quicker anyway, and I coated it with a mineral cocktail I mixed up to get the osteoblasts moving faster in there. Add to that the way he heals with the serum, and I think three days ought to be enough that he can at least move his head without anything coming loose."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. Three days seemed a very long time to wait to find out if everything was alright, but she couldn't fault Howard's logic. "Thank you," she said. "Both of you."</p>
<p>Jim nodded and smiled. "Is there any lunch left? I'm starving."</p>
<p>Gabe chuckled and clapped him on the back and started steering him towards the patio. Dugan followed, but Howard did not.</p>
<p>"Aren't you hungry?" Peggy asked.</p>
<p>"Not really," Howard sighed. "I could do with a drink, though. Several of them." He looked up from Steve for the first time, and there was a slightly haunted look in his eyes. "I just had my hands inside one of my best friend's brains," he told her. "I need to not remember that so vividly." He nodded in the direction of the patio. "I intend to drink until I black out, but don't worry—Jim knows what to look for and how to take care of him."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. It wouldn't have been her choice of coping mechanism, but she couldn't blame him. "Do you need company?" she offered.</p>
<p>He smiled gratefully, but shook his head. "I think I prefer to do this round of drinking alone," he said. His mouth hitched up into something resembling his usual smirk. "But I might take you up on that later."</p>
<p>"Mm, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Peggy teased. Howard huffed a brief laugh, and she reached out and caught his hand as he started to move away. "Thank you, Howard," she said. "Everything you've done to get him through this…" They wouldn't be where they were today if Howard hadn't kept at his relentless search for Steve's plane, to say nothing of the time and money and sheer physical effort he had poured into making his friend whole again. She squeezed his hand. "Don't ever think you didn't do enough."</p>
<p>Howard's eyes widened a bit in surprise, but he couldn't seem to think of anything to say, so he nodded and squeezed her hand back and left.</p>
<p>Peggy looked back at Steve, and after a moment, sat down in the chair by the bed. Steve had started to snore, sounding a bit congested, and she wondered if the feeding tube in his nose had anything to do with that. Upon closer inspection, what she had thought at first was a mask was really just a series of straps that secured the tube in place. She was both fascinated and disgusted by the little piece of plastic sticking out of his nose, imagining how something like that must feel. It made the whole thing feel worse, somehow, which was silly. He'd just has his <em>brain</em> opened up; a little piece of rubber tubing in his nose was barely worth mentioning. She shifted back a bit so she couldn't see it as well and looked at the rest of him.</p>
<p>The shaking was gone from his fingers, either healed immediately with the removal of the bone fragment or simply sedated into stillness. She wondered how long it would take to see the results of removing the bone. Howard had seemed to think that was all that was necessary to stop the shaking and the stuttering, but would it happen all at once, or would that scar tissue he'd shown them in the scans need to heal itself first? Perhaps it would all happen while Steve was sleeping. How lovely it would be for him to wake up and find his tongue and his hands obeying his commands once more.</p>
<p>She started to reach up to stroke the hair peeking out of the bandages, then decided it might be best not to touch his head, and rested her hand on his forearm instead. As her fingers drew soft lines up and down his arm, she wondered what the rest of his recovery might look like. She imagined him learning new words again, with the speed he'd had that first week he started to speak. He'd be talking in sentences before too long at that rate. He could tell her about his day, or how he was feeling, or what he wanted for tea. He could tell her that he loved her.</p>
<p>And what might he remember? As his brain healed, would pieces of memory return? Ever since the beginning, she'd wondered if there were still a couple of sparks in there. The way he'd felt at ease with her as soon as he'd woken up made her think there must be something there that remembered what they'd meant to each other. And she still thought about the way he'd studied his compass when she'd given it back to him. He'd stared at it too intently for it to have meant nothing. And he'd known it was his, hadn't he? Or at least suspected. Perhaps there were still swirls of memory waiting to swim their way up from the murky depths. Steve being set back on the road to healing opened the door to all sorts of possibilities. Hope that Peggy hadn't felt in weeks started to wake up again.</p>
<p>Her musings were interrupted by Jim's return. Having gotten his own lunch, it was time to see to getting Steve fed. He didn't ask where Howard was—Peggy suspected he knew. He left again and went to the lab, coming back this time with his hands full and Gabe in tow with another load of supplies. It took him a little while to mix up the formula for Steve, and he cheerfully explained how it all worked to a curious Gabe, as well as why they were using the nasal tube instead of one inserted in his stomach, as he'd had at the hospital (though it looked much worse, the nasal tube was actually less invasive, as it didn't require surgical insertion or removal). Dugan had followed them back in as well, and the uneasy furrow between his eyebrows got deeper the more Jim explained, and once Jim had the formula in the syringe and started forcing it into the feeding tube, Dugan had to leave the room altogether.</p>
<p>Jim shook his head, not taking his eyes off his task. "Sure, he'll go swimming in a sewer to fish out his favorite knife, but <em>this</em> freaks him out."</p>
<p>Peggy cocked an eyebrow at him. Considering what she'd seen of Dugan on the field when people were injured, she knew Jim knew things like that bothered him. "Well, it would when you describe it as graphically as all that. Don't act as though you didn't do it on purpose."</p>
<p>Jim chuckled. "Okay, maybe a little. But you didn't have to share a tent with him after the sewer thing."</p>
<p>The formula he was drawing up into the syringe and then forcing up and into the tube was off-white with the consistency of incredibly watery porridge, and going one small syringe-full at a time, it took a good while to get all of it into Steve.</p>
<p>"Are you done yet?" Dugan asked from the hallway when Jim sat back with an exhale.</p>
<p>"He's finished," Peggy said "It's safe to come in."</p>
<p>Dugan returned, looking rather grumpy. "Took you long enough."</p>
<p>"You know how much he eats, right?" Jim replied. "Takes that long to get that much through a little tube—"</p>
<p>"Okay, okay!" Dugan said hastily, holding up his hands. "I get it." He dropped down into a chair. "So, what now?"</p>
<p>They all looked down at Steve, who was still sleeping peacefully, snoring a little and untroubled by the whole affair.</p>
<p>"Now we wait," Jim replied.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Though the waiting wasn't as arduous as those first days in the hospital, the next three days did drag on. Once Howard emerged from his drinking binge, looking rather the worse for the wear, he spent most of his time in the lab. He made frequent, brief visits to Steve's room to check in on him, but was otherwise engaged in distracting himself with scientific endeavors. Peggy and the boys spent a great deal of time sitting in Steve's room talking or playing cards. When his complete and utter lack of motion got to be too much to look at, they would go outside and walk or spar. The boys enjoyed taking advantage of the swimming pool, while Peggy spent some time on more paperwork for Phillips. Steve's drawing of the lotus blossom fell out of one of her folders, and she picked it up and spent a good deal of time staring at it before tucking it away carefully and getting back to work.</p>
<p>Peggy had always been more private as far as worries, hopes and dreams were concerned, but the boys seemed to handle their concerns by talking about them. There was a great deal of speculation as to what would happen, what might be better and what might have gone wrong. There was no way to know until Steve woke up, and Peggy took comfort from the fact that this time they at least knew he <em>would</em> wake up.</p>
<p>One night when she'd gone to check on Steve before going to bed, it occurred to Peggy that the woman she was two years ago would be surprised to see where she was now. Two years ago, long over Fred and sick to the teeth of brutish, bull-headed soldiers, she would never have pictured herself fraught with worry, pining over someone's sickbed. It wasn't in Peggy's nature to worry, and certainly not to pine. Her younger self might have been disappointed, but…Peggy huffed a laugh and shook her head. Her younger self had never really known what it felt like to be in love. Two years ago she would have thought that was a ridiculously sentimental statement, but Peggy couldn't deny the truth in it. She hadn't felt quite herself since losing Steve, and it wasn't because she needed him to be complete, it was because they made one another better, the two of them. When they stood together, there was nothing they couldn't do. But apart…The price for loving someone so much was so much more pain in the loss. And until Steve woke up, Peggy couldn't know for sure that nothing had gone wrong and that she wouldn't lose him again. And so, she worried.</p>
<p>Still careful of his head, she brushed the lightest of kisses across his cheek. "Come back to me, my darling," she whispered. "Please don't make me lose you again."</p>
<p>The next morning dawned bright and clear, and Peggy felt hope warming up her soul along with the sunrise. Jim and Howard were going to take Steve off the sedative just before lunch—he was going to wake up today.</p>
<p>"Will it take him long to come around, do you think?" Peggy asked as Jim worked on Steve's breakfast.</p>
<p>Jim inclined his head thoughtfully. "Hard to say. He burns through most drugs pretty quick, but since this one was designed for him and considering how long it's been in his system…I'd say we're looking at a window of several hours."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded, evidently not keeping the disappointment off her face as well as she'd thought.</p>
<p>Jim smiled sympathetically. "We've all been waiting for three days, but those extra hours just make it that much worse, don't they?" His smile faltered a little bit. "At least you don't have to worry that it might go wrong because of something you did. Three days is an awful long time to worry that my hand might have slipped while I had it inside his head."</p>
<p>"Jim, you do know that if something did happen, none of us would blame you," she told him.</p>
<p>"I know. But I'd always wonder." He sighed, then smiled. "At least the war taught me how to wait through the worry a lot better than it did Stark. Although he is awfully productive when he's trying to distract himself. If Steve was out too much longer, I wouldn't be surprised to walk into the lab and find a fully-functioning rocket ship one day."</p>
<p>Peggy chuckled.</p>
<p>"And…done," Jim said, pulling the syringe away from the feeding tube for the last time. "Can't tell you how glad I am to be done with that." He set his equipment aside. "Since he's hopefully going to be awake enough to eat his own dinner and I'm not sure how soon he'll wake up once he's off the meds, I'm going to go ahead and take this out while he's still unconscious. I know it hasn't bothered you so far, but if you want to leave the room for it, that's cool. This is going to be kind of gross."</p>
<p>"Do you just pull it out?" Peggy asked curiously.</p>
<p>"Pretty much," Jim replied.</p>
<p>"Ugh," Dugan groaned from the doorway. "Seriously, do you wait for me to show up to talk about it?"</p>
<p>Jim laughed. "Nah, you've just got the worst timing in the world. You want to watch me pull this out of his nose?"</p>
<p>Dugan made that <em>hrrk</em> sound again and vanished abruptly and Jim laughed.</p>
<p>Peggy stayed, but Jim had been right, the removal of the tube was rather unpleasant, though it was more imagining what that must feel like than anything else. It wouldn't have been overly painful, Peggy thought, but it was probably just as well that Steve was unconscious for it. He looked <em>much</em> better once it was gone. Aside from the bandages around his head, one could almost imagine he was just asleep now, though he still seemed unnaturally still.</p>
<p>They unhooked him from the sedative a bit earlier than planned, and between the three boys, Howard, Peggy and Mr. Jarvis, they were able to maneuver Steve onto a gurney without moving his head. Howard wheeled him downstairs for another go in the scanner, this time for an x-ray to get an idea of how his skull was healing.</p>
<p>"Beautiful," Howard declared. "Look at those hairline fractures. You'd never know a whole chunk of his skull came out and then went back in again."</p>
<p>"So he'll be able to move around without messing anything up when he wakes up?" Gabe asked hopefully.</p>
<p>"Yep," Howard said. "I mean, he shouldn't go knocking his head into a doorframe or anything just yet. But, yeah, he'll be good." He shook his head in admiration. "Man, I am a <em>genius</em>. I hope I wrote the formula for that mineral mixture down. I oughta patent that."</p>
<p>Peggy rolled her eyes but took it as a good sign that Howard was no longer worrying enough to keep him from thinking about money.</p>
<p>Despite the positive x-ray, they were equally careful getting Steve back into his bed as they had been getting him out of it. No need to be cavalier. They didn't hook him back up to the sedative, nor did Howard get any of the pain medication out—it was likely that <em>something</em> was still going to hurt when Steve woke up, but he wanted a base point for what he was feeling before he started medicating him again. Peggy hoped any pain he felt would be just a general post-surgical ache, his headaches a distant memory.</p>
<p>The afternoon dragged out even longer than the past three days had. Everyone was so tense and eager for what might happen that no one could sit still for very long, especially once Steve began to move. He was still asleep, but he would draw in a deep breath and shift a bit, his eyes moving underneath his eyelids as he moved in and out of deeper cycles of sleep. It wouldn't be long now. It couldn't. Each movement only served to increase the energy in the room, however, and people were up and about, in and out, sitting down and then rushing off to the lab or the yard or the kitchen. Peggy's anxiety manifested itself in the desire to move, but she took to pacing, not leaving the room if she could help it. A jog around the yard or a quick bout with one of the boys would help her rid herself of this nervous energy, but she didn't want to miss anything. She wanted to be there when he woke up. She wanted him to see her face.</p>
<p>When it finally happened, Peggy was alone in the room. Mr. Jarvis had left to start on dinner, and Dugan had followed in search of snack. Howard had gotten caught up in a fit of distracted inspiration and dashed off to the lab, and Jim had followed out of curiosity. Gabe was on security detail this afternoon, but he'd been poking his head in every half hour or so.</p>
<p>Peggy was in the midst of pacing when Steve drew in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. There was something different about the noise, and Peggy stopped her pacing and watched him as he scrunched up his face and shifted more noticeably, rolling to the side a little as he inhaled and exhaled deeply again. Her breath caught in her throat. This was it. He was waking up.</p>
<p>She hurried to the chair beside the bed and sat down, leaning in to watch him. Slowly, heavily, his eyelids started to move. "Steve?" she said hopefully.</p>
<p>Eyes still closed, he rolled his head in the direction of her voice. After three days of utter stillness, each little flicker of motion across his face was fascinating, and Peggy watched in rapt attention as he shook off the last vestiges of sleep. He blinked once, twice, and then again, and then those beautiful blue eyes were staring up at her sleepily.</p>
<p>"Peggy?" he said, and though he lost half the word in a yawn, it was smooth and sure and the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard. He smiled up at her, drowsy but content, and nothing had gone wrong, and he knew her, and the lines of pain between his eyes were gone, and so was the stutter and his shaking hands, and it took Peggy a moment before she could speak over the sudden knot in her throat.</p>
<p>"Hello," she said, a bit shakily. She reached up a gentle hand to rest on his cheek. "How do you feel?"</p>
<p>He considered. It would hardly be surprising if he said that something hurt, but Peggy was holding her breath in the hope he would declare himself 'alright.' But then he spoke and Peggy forgot how to breathe entirely.</p>
<p>"I feel like I weigh about a thousand pounds and my head is stuffed full of cotton," he decided.</p>
<p>Peggy's hand fell back to her lap and her mouth dropped open. Had he just…?</p>
<p>"What?" he asked, looking up at her. He went blurry as tears filled her eyes, and he reached over and took her hand. "Peggy, are you okay?"</p>
<p>A slightly hysterical laugh escaped her throat. "Am I okay?" she repeated. Of all the idiotic questions! "Am I—Steve, you—you're…You're talking. Really, properly talking. In sentences and everything."</p>
<p>Realization flashed across his face and his eyes widened. "I am," he breathed. He huffed an amazed laugh. "I really am."</p>
<p>"But you can't, I mean I…" Peggy stammered, at a loss for what to say. When Howard had said Steve would start getting better again, she'd never dreamt… "Are you back?" she whispered. "Do you remember?" It couldn't be—he, he <em>couldn't</em>, but…but where else could he have learned all that? He'd been asleep, he…Peggy couldn't get her mind to finish any of her thoughts, and her body seemed torn between the need to vomit or cry or shout or laugh or jump forward and kiss the stuffing out of him.</p>
<p>He nodded slowly, as if making sure of himself before he said anything. "I do," he said. "The Valkyrie and you and the war and Bucky and Brooklyn and…I remember everything," he finished, as if he almost couldn't believe it himself.</p>
<p>"Everything?" Peggy repeated.</p>
<p>"The first little while in the hospital is a little fuzzy," he said. "But once we got here, I…yeah."</p>
<p>"You remember," Peggy whispered, and that was the last thing she was able to say for a very long time. Months of pain and fear and loss were washed away in a flood of relief and joy so powerful it left her unable to do anything but cry into Steve's shoulder.</p>
<p>Once the heaving sobs had abated and she was able to get her breathing back under control, she lifted her head and looked up at him. His own eyes didn't look exactly dry either, but he was smiling at her. "I'm sorry," she said, dashing a hand across her nose. "That wasn't exactly how I pictured this moment going."</p>
<p>That surprised a chuckle out of him, and he lifted a hand to stroke his thumb across her cheek. "Don't apologize," he told her. "After everything that's happened…" He shook his head. "Cry all you want."</p>
<p>Fresh tears prickled in her eyes, but a grin was stretching across her face so wide it made her cheeks ache. "Hearing you talk like that…" she said softly. "I can't get over how wonderful it is."</p>
<p>Steve smiled and opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, there was an awkward, "Oh, uh…" from the door. They turned to see Gabe standing in the door, looking embarrassed. "Sorry," he said. "I'll, uh…" He pointed back to the hallway but paused, smiling despite his blushing. "Hey, Cap. It's good to see you awake again."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Steve said, smiling up at his friend. "It's good to see you too."</p>
<p>Gabe's mouth dropped open, and he stared at Steve in shock, then snapped his eyes over to Peggy for confirmation. She nodded, aware that she was still grinning like an idiot but unable to stop. "It would seem Howard's surgery was more successful than anticipated," she said.</p>
<p>Things got a bit chaotic after that. Suddenly everyone was there and all talking at once, and there was laughing and shouting and more than a few tears. When the elation had settled somewhat, Howard whisked Steve back down to the lab to run some more tests, armed with a battery of questions. Steve happily complied. Indeed, for the rest of the evening, he couldn't seem to stop smiling, not through dinner or the rounds of poker afterwards, where he lost decidedly but couldn't seem happier about it.</p>
<p>Later in the evening, Peggy was contemplating a hot bath before bed when there was a soft knock on the door adjoining her room to Steve's. When she opened it, Steve was standing there, looking hopeful and fidgeting a little with the sleeve of his dressing gown. "Hey," he said with a warm smile. "I was hoping you were still up. Do you have a minute?"</p>
<p>"Of course," she said, stepping back from the door. "Would you like to come in?"</p>
<p>"Actually, I thought maybe we could take a walk," Steve said, nodding back into his room and in the direction of the yard beyond the window. It was dark out, but warm still and a fine night, so Peggy slipped her shoes back on and put her arm through Steve's to follow him outside.</p>
<p>"How are you feeling?" Peggy asked him as they stepped out into the night air.</p>
<p>"Much better," Steve said. "Howard thinks I should take it easy for a few more days," he said, gesturing with his free hand to his head. "Just to make sure the bones finish fusing back together the way they're supposed to." Howard had taken the bandages off in his inspection, and had decided they didn't need to go back on. Steve's skin had healed and his bones were following along fast behind. Even the dark scar running under his hair ought to vanish as the days went on, just as the first one had. "But I feel pretty good."</p>
<p>Peggy sensed some hesitation in his voice. "But?" she prompted.</p>
<p>His cheeks colored a little. "Physically, I feel fine. I just…I remember just about everything now and I, well, I guess I'm a little embarrassed."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. "I thought that might be it." The past two months, Steve had been in many ways like a child, and though it hadn't been in any way his fault, she could see how he might look back on that with chagrin now that he had all his faculties about him. She probably would have done the same. "But I hope you know you've got nothing to be ashamed of."</p>
<p>"I know," he said. "It's just…" He trailed off with a shrug.</p>
<p>"I understand," Peggy told him. "But none of us think the less of you for it. Try not to let it bother you."</p>
<p>He smiled at her gratefully. "I know," he said again. "Thanks."</p>
<p>"Does your head still hurt?" she asked him.</p>
<p>"Not really," he said. "I mean, it's a little sore still from the surgery, but nothing like the headache having a piece of bone stuck in your brain will give you."</p>
<p>Peggy huffed a laugh and shook her head. "I still can't believe that that was all it was." The best they'd been able to surmise, the serum had healed Steve's brain to the point that all that it needed was to finish off the connections that were being prevented from being made by the bone fragment and clean up the damage it had caused. Its removal and his subsequent three days of unconsciousness had allowed that to happen. Howard thought the three days Steve had spent under sedation had sped the process along, since there had been nothing else he needed to focus on but healing, but no one could really say for sure.</p>
<p>Steve laughed in agreement. "It sure was an awful lot of trouble for such a little thing. Just thinking about how it could have gone…" He shook his head. "I feel like the luckiest guy in the world."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. It was remarkable, the luck they'd had. "A second chance for everything."</p>
<p>"A second chance," Steve agreed.</p>
<p>They walked on in companionable silence until they arrived at the little pond in the garden. There were no birds or butterflies, but crickets were chirping and the little frogs were croaking in response, and the moonlight was dancing across the ripples of the water.</p>
<p>They sat down on the stone bench and Steve let out a deep sigh of contentment. He smiled down at Peggy. "We haven't actually gotten much of a chance to talk just you and me since this afternoon," he said.</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. She felt there was so much she wanted to say, but she had been content to share the moment with the rest of them. She and Steve still had time.</p>
<p>"And I wanted to say," Steve went on. "Well, first of all, thank you."</p>
<p>"For what?" she asked.</p>
<p>"For everything," he replied. "For being the first face I saw when I woke up." His smile wavered a bit. "You were the last face I saw, you know. Before I went into the ice. That picture in my compass…I thought I was gonna die, but you…I wanted to hang on to you for as long as I could."</p>
<p>Peggy swallowed hard, unable to speak over the sudden knot in her throat.</p>
<p>"And I remember seeing you in the hospital," he said. "I didn't…I didn't know where I was or what was going on, and I didn't even really know who you were—only, somehow, I must have, because seeing you made me think everything was going to be alright."</p>
<p>She smiled, incredibly touched but still not sure what she should say.</p>
<p>"And I wanted to say thank you for not giving up on me. You stuck with me and stuck up for me and you treated me like I was still a person. I remember that. It meant a lot. Even…even if I didn't really understand why."</p>
<p>Peggy reached over and squeezed his hand in hers.</p>
<p>"Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for always being there when I was scared. Thank you for not leaving."</p>
<p>Peggy felt her eyebrows furrow together. "Where would I have gone?"</p>
<p>Steve shrugged. "You could have gone anywhere. You didn't have to stay. We never…" He looked down and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. "We never promised each other that."</p>
<p>"Steve, I wanted to stay," she said, a little hurt that he might think otherwise.</p>
<p>"I know," he said. "I'm sorry, I…I'm not quite saying this the way I mean to." He gave her an apologetic smile. "I was never that great at talking to women before the traumatic brain injury." Peggy couldn't help a small laugh at that. "The past couple of months didn't help."</p>
<p>Peggy squeezed his hand again. "You did alright talking to me before," she reminded him. "We used to talk all the time."</p>
<p>He nodded. "Yeah. And that's kind of what I meant. About before, I mean." He looked up from their hands and met her eyes. "We were…I mean I know there was something…We couldn't do anything about it. We had to be careful." He huffed a laugh. "We're being careful right now," he pointed out, nodding down at their hands. "If this was a week ago, you'd be leaning on my shoulder, and I'd have my arm around you."</p>
<p>Peggy nodded. She had actually stopped herself from leaning against him when they'd sat down, as well as from reaching up to smooth down the bits of his hair that were still a bit wild following the removal of the bandages. It had seemed so natural before, but now that he was himself again, it was amazing how automatically she'd fallen back into their old habits. Aside from Gabe finding her in Steve's arms when he'd first come into the room, she and Steve had not touched one another since.</p>
<p>"I am <em>so</em> glad to have all my memories back again," he said. "And I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is to just…know the words I want for things and be able to say them. To understand everything other people are saying, and to be able to make my hands do what I want them to…" He shook his head, wonder quirking up the corners of his lips. "It's…almost the best thing I've ever felt."</p>
<p>"Almost?" Peggy asked curiously.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he said. "Almost. Because the best thing…The best thing is just being with you. Holding you and kissing you and seeing the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh and just…just being around you. I may have gotten my old life back, but I don't want everything to go back to the way it was before. Not you and me."</p>
<p>Peggy smiled, warmth swelling up in her chest. "For someone who thinks he's not very good at talking to women, you've just done quite well for yourself," she told him. He huffed a surprised laugh, smiling even as his cheeks colored, and she moved over so she was sitting up against him and rested her hand on his arm. "I don't want you and I to go back to how were before either," she said, and his smile got wider.</p>
<p>"I love you, Peggy," he told her. "I have since almost the day I met you, and I should have said it so many times and I never did. I love you. I love you so much." Moisture was swimming in his eyes, shining in the moonlight as he looked down at her. "I'm so sorry I never told you that."</p>
<p>"I knew," she whispered. He'd said it so many times, in his eyes and his smiles and the way he touched her. "But to hear you say it now…" Peggy didn't think her heart could ever be this full. She stretched up and kissed him, long and slow and deep. "I love you too," she breathed.</p>
<p>Then Steve's arms were around her and he was kissing her the way she'd kissed him before he'd jumped onto the Valkyrie. There was desperation and immediacy and the sense of so much love that words could never do justice to, and Peggy lost herself in it and kissed him back. When she surfaced again, he was still holding her close against him, their foreheads resting against each other.</p>
<p>"Marry me," he whispered.</p>
<p>Peggy sat back and opened her eyes. "What?"</p>
<p>Steve sat back and opened his eyes too, though he didn't let go of her. "Back during the war, I had about a million different ways planned out that I was going to ask you that. None of them involved me being in Howard's backyard in my pajamas," he added, faint color rising in his cheeks. "I don't…I don't have a ring, or a plan, or anything. But I love you. And after almost losing you once, I can't let you go again. You've done so much for me, so much more than I could ever…" He shook his head and dropped his hands from her shoulders, wrapping them around both of hers. "If you'll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel as happy and safe and whole as you make me. And I don't want to waste any more time now that we've gotten our second chance."</p>
<p>"Nor do I," Peggy told him. She'd mourned the loss of the future they might have had together after the Valkyrie went down, then she'd mourned it again when Steve had woken up without his memories. She'd been hopeful for whatever it was that they might be able to build again, but to have this dream back? To have it a reality once more? She kissed him then, flinging herself into his arms with enough force to nearly knock him off the bench. "Took you long enough to ask," she said, and he laughed and kissed her back.</p>
<p>"I can hardly believe it," she told him some time later. She rubbed a hand up and down his arm. "Having you back at all was more than I could have ever hoped for, but this…I'm almost afraid I'm going to wake up and find you're still missing up in the Arctic somewhere."</p>
<p>Steve kissed her forehead gently. "I know. I keep waiting for that fog to roll back in and take everything away." He kissed her forehead again. "But unless we're both dreaming the same dream, I think this is really real."</p>
<p>"About time we had things go our way," Peggy said. She sighed happily and nuzzled her head against his shoulder. The world had always seemed brighter with Steve in it. And now the future—whether it involved them fighting Hydra together, or getting their share of that quiet life they'd both longed for in the depths of war, or some combination of both—the future shone so brightly with possibilities that Peggy could hardly bear to look at it. "What do you think we'll do?"</p>
<p>"I still owe you a dance," Steve told her. "Once I get some clothes they'll actually let me wear into the Stork Club, I think the first thing we should do is go dancing."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Ta-dah! A happy ending after all! I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you to everyone who was along for the journey. </em>
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<p>
  <em>That's all she wrote for this one, but I've got some Post-Endgame Steggy coming your way in the next week or so that's just going to be oozing fluff. Hope to see you there!</em>
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